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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

Inside

The BDFL

The Column

of Fame

From Underneath      The Rock in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

     Week 1

“Carry it home in a tote sack, poke salad Annie.  The gator got your granny.” Tony Joe White (recorded in Muscle Shoals in 1969).

Bullet honed his off-the-field skills in the off-season by hunting down gators, reeling in record catfish, and killing snakes. So, when the Fritz Grits Blitz showed up on the opening day schedule, the Bullets had to laugh.  And the Boys from Benton turned this one into a laugher from the outset.  Willie Parker of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who rushed for more than 1,200 yards last season but only 2 TD’s, broke that in the 1^st game with 3-TDs to pace Bullerino.  “It could be a long year for everybody else in the BDFL,” said an elated Bullet claiming the 1^st Top Dog award of 2008 and searching for the last piece of KFC extra crispy vict’ry chicken.

“And you want to be my latex salesman!” (Jerry to a pants-down Costanza – Seinfeld, circa 1993)

Synaflex in Talladega may have a new top Dog, head-honcho, and captain-of-the-ship, but they are apparently still looking for a quality latex salesman.  No longer the Super Banker, Dog is now relegated to running his own business, albeit a cushy situation with some of East Alabama’s finest employees (who apparently have their own issues with coke bottles).  However, in the BDFL it is more of the same for the Miserable Mutts.  In Week One, the Bootleggers only scored 16, but that was enough to practically double-up the Dogs.  “Brookside, we have a problem.”  The Dogs are back their old tricks, claiming the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” in the first weekend of 2008 BDFL competition.

Not so meek and mild

Jaimie thought his rendezvous with Kurt Prewitt and Mike Twardowski outside the Georgia Dome would give him enough good karma going into the opening week of the BDFL season.  And the Wooden Warriors rolled up 26-points in Week One, but what they didn’t count on was a ‘more-than-mild’ performance from the Rocky Ridge Wildcats.  The James Gang brought their “A” game to the opener and out-scored the tribe by twelve.

Sensuous – since you were up, get me a beer

Michael Hewlitt Dismukes took his songs and dreams to Nashville the first weekend in September, looking for a vict’ry over the supplanted Green Springs Grenades, who begin this season just as the first 14 BDFL seasons, searching for their 1^st ever championship.  And, just like the Commissioner’s beloved Titans, they pulled the opening day upset by topping the Sloth Monsters.  Mukes, however took the loss in stride concentrating only on his new Bulletin feature; “Mukes’ Miller SpotLite” (see below).

“Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletales,” Poison from Girls, Girls, Girls in the 1980’s

The Sin Wagon could hardly find the Georgia Dome for the Bama-Clemson Game on Aug. 30.  Afterwards, the Cheetahs IIIs (for the famous Hotlanta hot spot and Butch’s three BDFL titles) could not get out of the aforementioned establishment.  The Woosiers graciously agreed to play the Cheetah IIIs in Atlanta in the opening weekend of the 2008 BDFL season.  The Love Guns captured the vict’ry, and both teams – at press time – were still celebrating.  However, the party had to be moved to Tattletails after the Iron ‘touch-and-go’ policy was violated.  The Bulletin is still trying to determine by whom.

Naut enough to stop the Sleds

Mad Jack Barnes turned to Paul “Wrecking” Crew (Burt Reynolds – QB #22 – in the original Longest Yard) to lead the revitalized Mean Machine to vict’ry in Week One over the Jugtown Juggernauts.  The Fairfield PowerSleds played the game in old throwback uniforms complete with street shoes.  “We beat ’em in street shoes,” said a wily observer after the game outside Snitz Snider Stadium.  And, the Bulletin has confirmed that the Sledheads plan to play the entire season in throwback uniforms as they try to recapture the magic of winning the first two BDFL titles (when the league had only a paltry 8-teams).

Gamblers upset by Tarnishers

Speaking of two-time champions from the ancient days of fantasy football, the Gulf Coast Gamblers are trying to cultivate a decent team in 2008 to run out into Ladd-Peebles Stadium before USA completely takes over the facility under former Bates Manor resident Joey Jones, by way of Dora, Mountain Brook, and Birmingham Southern.  (By the way, Bates Manor is now condos, nicely painted with crimson awnings over the doors, but the same cracks in the driveway/parking lot.)  Parks and Caviness used to visit quite frequently in the 1980’s when they could get out of Lee County and through Centreville without getting a ticket – except they never got through there without getting a ticket.  The Tampa Tarnishers had better luck in Week One of BDFL action, using a little Merlin MNF Magic to edge Kenny & Company by two.  The Gamblers are playing the season under protest, but just protesting against the Green Bay Packers for their alleged abuse of Gulf Coast Icon Brett Favre.

L.L. not Cool J. Fight at VisionLand (Alabama Adventure)

The Euro-Trash Talkers invited VisionLand visionary and current mayor Lowrey Langford to Alabama Adventure for opening day.  The Mayors were not too happy about the many changes made at the park, but they were even more upset that the AA representatives refused to begin construction on a new dome for Birmingham.  In the BDFL match, the action was just as bad between the Fighting Slovaks and the Mayors.  But, when the red tape confetti cleared the Slovaks had their feet propped-up smoking some cheap seegars and sipping on a lukewarm pivo (that’s Slovak for beer), and nibbling on some Church’s extra greasy fried vict’ry chicken.  But that was just because the Slovakia women’s ice hockey team had just defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier game for the 2010 Winter Olympics.  Some Monday Night Magic led the Mayors to a slim 12-11 vict’ry over the (not so fighting) Slovaks.

Week 1: Mukes’ Miller SpotLite

Michael “The Burner” Turner (Rocky Ridge Wildcats - Atlanta Falcons): His 18-points led the Wildcats and Falcons to vict’ry in Week One.  [He also received the BDFL’s Big Daddy award.] Side note: no A.W.’s in Week One.

The Quote

of the Week

"But, when the red tape confetti cleared the Slovaks had their feet propped-up smoking some cheap seegars and sipping on a lukewarm pivo (that’s Slovak for beer), and nibbling on some Church’s extra greasy fried vict’ry chicken.  But that was just because the Slovakia women’s ice hockey team had just defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier game for the 2010 Winter Olympics"

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