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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Week 14

“The church bell chimed till it rang 29 times for each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

Who’s hot?

The Wooden Warriors: Chief Kawliga is only going to the loser’s bracket “kicking and screaming” something unintelligible in Cherokee or Sioux.  The Woodies dug deep into the old treasure chest in the final weekend of the regular season and pulled out a Darrell Guthrie size 9½ hat-size, 52-point week to put an old-fashioned A.W. on the Wizards, sending the Pixie Dusters to the Big Daddy Championship Series holding the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award.

Who’s not?

The Wizards and Juggernauts: A.E.’s Rice Rockets ran out of steam after a mid-season surge.  The ’Nauts were no match for the Wildcats in Week 14 (see next item).

(Monday Night) Plays of the week:

How about Devin Hester’s pair of kickoff return TD’s on Monday Night Football?  The rookie sensation had 94 and 96-yard returns for touchdowns to give the James Gang 24-BDFL-points, in-route to an A.W. against A.E.  This pair of decent point scorers will watch the “real” playoffs – like the Wise Men – from afar.

Play of the week:

Demorrio Williams (Falcons – Fighting Slovaks) picks up a fumble and rumbles 54-yards for a touchdown to give the Fighting Slovaks 12-BDFL-points and the margin of vict’ry over the Dogs for the last playoff spot in the BDCS.  The Schedule Maker’s 11th hour change – in the end – wasn’t needed as the Prince of Slovakia scored enough points to win against either the Dogs or the team they originally were scheduled to play.  The Bulletin was prepared to report that there was dancing in the streets in Bratislava and Brookside.  However, all that was found on Tuesday morning was drunks lying in the gutters amidst beer cans and kielbasa wrappers.

Stat of the week:

Drew Brees (Saints – Wooden Warriors): 26 of 38 for 384-yards and 5-TDs to power the Saints over the Cowboys and give the Tribe 18-BDFL-points, which they didn’t even need in their 52-9 @$$-whipping of the Wizards.  Have we mentioned that already?

Stat of the week II and III:

Jaguars’ running backs Maurice Jones-Drew (Woosiers) and Fred Taylor (Bullets) ripped a “not so new one” in the Indy Colts on Sunday.  Jones-Drew had 15-carries for 166 yards and 2-TDs to trump Taylor’s 131-yards on just 9-carries and 1-TD.  The Jones-Drew performance was good enough to push the Woosiers past the Bullets in a match-up of rugged Red Neck Division foes that are both headed to the BDCS and will present problems with whomever they match-up with in Round One.  Oh, by the way, Jones-Drew also had a 93-yard kickoff return for 12-points for the Jacksonville defense/special teams to help the Woodies lay it on the Wizards.

Quote of the week:

“Kickoff Cash curse, my @$$,” said Hime.

Edspiration:

“You gotta wheel,” Coach Steve Cohen giving dog track betting advice to anyone who would listen, or not.

Shut out at the mutual window:

Cheetahs, Wildcats, Mayors, Wooden Warriors, and Juggernauts all had enough points to earn a spot in the “Show,” the “Big Dance,” the “Post-season Party,” but they fell victim to the dreaded asterisk, the albatross known only as – The Bullet Rule – a losing record.  For those of ya’ll just joining us, Bullet “undisputedly” won the 1997 BDFL Championship based on the rules that existed at the time (total points wins), no playoffs, no records involved.  The championship in officially on the books – and website – for all-time with an “*,” eventually that will be removed when the Commissioner realizes it was won fair and square based upon his very own rules.

To the Lower Feeder with a Bang:

The Defending Champion Cheetahs edged the Top-Seeded Power Sleds by two.  The “stay at home for the playoffs” Blades hammered (and sickled) the “stay at home” dads, the Sloth Monsters down in the deepest darkest Pelham, and the Grenades edged the Mayors by three in another match up of teams destined for the Mullet series.

“Out there” of the week:

“Booze on the Bayou” was the slogan passed around all weekend in the Big Easy and parts farther south as the Bootleggers taught the Gamblers a thing or two about “kicking and hanging.”  Whether each team is sober enough to make it to the BDCS will be a big concern this week. “Jumbalaya, crawfish pie, and be gay, oh.  Son-of-a-gun we’ll have big fun on the bayou.”

“Seinfeld Four” Sit-com moment:

George: She knew I didn’t have a job, she knew I lived at home. It didn’t seem to bother her. I think I could have married this woman.

Elaine: Why don’t you just ask her parents?

George: I can’t. I met them. They’re devout. You know, in the cab on the way over here, I actually thought about converting.

Jerry: To Latvian Orthodox?

George: Why not? What do I care?

Reason #5 to be in the BDFL:

The Big Daddy Championship Series: a “December to Remember” that will crown a BDFL Champion on New Year’s Eve.

Next week: “Let’s get ready to rumble!” The BDCS begins with the PowerSleds as the number one seed and the Bullets as the number two seed.  Mullet participants please consult the website to see whom you play in the loser’s bracket.

Quote of the

Week

"Kickoff Cash curse, my @$$" Kawliga, after scalping the Wizard at the big Sombrero
 

Back Bull 2006

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2005 Back Big Daddies: w1  w2  w3  w4  w5  w6  w7  w8  w9  w10  w11  w12  w13  w14  w15  w16  w17

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