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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2008

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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

    Week 6 - A Trio of A.W.’s:

(A.W. I) Bullet Chalks up Another A.W. in Win vs. Tarnishers

Don’t look now, but the Bullets have chalked up two straight A.W.’s on their way to the top of the Rugged Red Neck Division.  This weekend, down on the farm in the Black Belt, the Bullets played host to the Tampa Tarnishers – who looked more like Neil Calloway’s hapless UAB squad.  In fact, it looked like Parks’ old coach was even calling the plays after the Pixie Dusters fired their offensive coordinator in the middle of the week, seemingly for no good reason, except he had spent a little too much time in the bushes outside Sewell Hall.  To earn bus fare back to Pasco County, the Wizard had to perform some chores that had him feeling like Clarence Carter – who’s been known to play some sets in nearby White Hall, “every morning before I went to school, I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too.”

(A.W. II) Sloth Monsters – The (Reality) Series: Episode 5

In this week’s episode Mukes has a séance to exorcise the demons of the benevolent ‘schedule maker,’ who has matched the Son of Slim up with record-breaking scorers in the first five weeks of the season.  And, to the surprise of Albert and Mukes, it actually works.  The Quigi Board points toward Slovakia – or somewhere in Central Europe – and then into the Black Sea.  Albert and Mukes interpret this as the Fighting Slovaks going into a Black Hole and scoring NO points in Week 6.  Brimming with confidence, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers welcome the EuroTrash Talkers to Silver Lakes and proceed to come up with the first SHUTOUT in BDFL hist’ry, 39-0, for a big, old, hairy, A.W. As for the continuing misadventures of Mukes; tune in next week, same bat time, same bat station.

Another Key to Vict’ry:

“This is to let everyone know that the Sloth Monsters have hired Tony Franklin to be our defensive Coordinator. I have not seen anybody shut down an offense like he can,” said Mukes.  Apparently, the Sloths hired Franklin and loaned him to the Slovaks to help them come up with a big, fat, zero, and the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors.  Note for Slo Slovaks: The “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” goes to the team with the lowest score for that particular week.  In this case the not-so-Fighting Slovaks.

(A.W. III) No EuroTrash Talkin’ Today

The Wooden Warriors left the suburban confines of Fultondale and headed south to take on the Magic City Mayors this weekend.  And, as soon as Kawliga crossed the city limit sign on Old Highway 31, his team started heading south in North Birmingham.  A.A.’s Cronies rolled out the welcome mat at Legion Field like rolling out wholesale carpet.  Then the Mayors spread the Woodies like cream cheese (not like the spread offense).  Lastly, Lowrey Langford & Company gave the Woodies a beating – and A.W. to be exact – and then provided them with a one-way Greyhound Bus ticket to Atmore.

Sleds Outscore Dogs

Mad Jack rallied his Mean Machine to a big offensive day just in time to outscore Mark’s Mangy Mutts by three in a crucial match up at the Dolodome.  After the game, Dog stayed to entertain the Sledheads by playing drums in his old Brookside band, “Skull.”  Lead singer Dodie Goode was working the crowd and lead guitar player Louis Dudchock put on a dazzling display.  Terry Tarence could not join the jam fest.  He had to be rushed to Carraway Hospital after being struck in the head by a 12-ounce Coke bottle.

Grenades Dance Past Sin Wagon

Despite having to leave the establishment early (see: violation of the touch-and-go policy), the Commissioner’s Grenades escaped a trip to Sammy’s with a much-needed vict’ry over the Cheetah IIIs.  The only excuse the three-time champions could come up with is that they are finally trying to “play the Commissioner’s game” to secure a few personal favors.  As for his recently derailed Sin Wagon, Butch says he is just pacing himself – and his squad – for the playoffs.

Gamblers Roll Snake Eyes Against Nauts

The Dixie Mafia paid a visit to Rocket Stadium this past weekend and found out why it was secretly called the “pain cave” by visiting teams in the late 1970s and ‘80s.  A.E.’s Rice Rockets (or Honda Pilots) were running smoothly in Week Six and had no trouble beating the Gamblers in all phases of the game.  When it was over a hologram figure wearing blue sweat pants and a green toboggan was seen hovering on the home side above the stands with a gnarled piece of chalk, a stop watch, a case of Bike jocks, and a box of “Maroon Pride” shemmies.

Wildcats Whip Woo by Two

The Woo Crew went right past Morris, Kimberly, Gardendale, and Fultondale on their way ‘over the mountain’ to battle the BioCats.  The Country Bumpkins were amazed at all of Vestavia’s Little League parks, and fields, and press boxes.  During the distraction, the James Gang managed to slip past the Woosiers by two in a lackluster performance by both teams.  Afterwards, the Crew headed back to Smoke Rise in a very somber mood finally realizing that Hayden – in fact – doesn’t have the greatest Little League in the world.  Meanwhile, J.J. celebrated with some hot chocolate and the latest edition of Popular Science.

Bootleggers Kick Blitz

From the Bryant Museum in T-Town to the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, the Druid City Blitz staged a football lovers pilgrimage this weekend.  The only bad part was losing – and looking awful – to the Bootleggers.  The Wood Brothers had their Big Block Dodge running on all cylinders this weekend (and on Jeff Gordon-type soaked tires) and had no trouble kicking the Blitz in the teeth.

Tribute to Johnny Cash (for no particular reason):

“I hear the train a coming.  It’s rolling around the bend.  And, I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when.  I’m stuck in Folsom Prison and time keeps dragging on.  But, that train keeps a rolling on down to San Antone.”

Week 6: Mukes’ Miller SpotLite

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week:

Himself.  Mukes in front of an artificial Christmas tree decorated only with empty Miller Lite cans (at a small apartment in Montgomery, circa 1991), and for coming up with the rarest of all A.W.’s a complete and total shutout.  “That’s my definition of an A.W.,” Mukes told Adam Slo.

Mukes Miller SpotLite of the week, Number II:

Bullet, for his 43-point week, Top Dog award, and for helping him decorate the aforementioned tree.

The Quote

of the Week

"To earn bus fare back to Pasco County, the Wizard had to perform some chores that had him feeling like Clarence Carter – who’s been known to play some sets in nearby White Hall, “every morning before I went to school, I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too”

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