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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                             2007

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By Bob Bullet

Week 3

Sloths and Slovaks livin’ it up

“Gimme three steps,” Skynyrd cranking in the background as the Bulletin reviews Week Three in the BDFL.

“Gimme back my bullets,” Skynyrd again.

The Fighting Slovaks certainly gave it to the Bullets in Week Three.  Adam Slo and his Euro Trash Talking Yashiman Men welcomed the Benton Boys to Helena with kielbasa, pyjochy, and BEvERages before dropping the hammer on unsuspecting cuz.  The Slovaks ended up with 50-points for “Top Dog” honors and seemed to completely forget Bullet’s organization of the “Hardware & Fishing” shower he coordinated in Gulf Shores before the Son of Ron was married away to Miss Phi Mu from Ole Miss (but sometime after he finished his steller 6 or 7 year run with the Pi Cap Caravan at the Capstone).  “Actually, they’re both Slovaks,” said the Jednota president.

“Hit the egg, Mike!” Slim Dismukes, circa 1980.

Well, the Son of Slim, Michael Hewlitt Dismukes (Mukes), was on the mark in Week Three – hitting the egg – and the Bootleggers right between the eyes in a big vict’ry for the Sloth Monsters.  Mukes’ trip up north with sidekick and henchman Albert (in a big white Granada with a yellow-canoe-tied-on-top) and a couple of cases of ponies, a few cans of Copenhagen, and a bottle – or two – of Jack Daniels, went almost exactly as planned.  Mukes and Albert also had no trouble converting from Krystal’s to White Castle burgers after they crossed the Mason-Dixon line.  Word is that they stopped by Tunica on the way home to “scout” the Gamblers even though they have no idea when – or if – they have to play them in the future. (Slim would urge Mukes to ‘hit the egg,’ the spaceship that went slowly across the top of the screen in “Space Invaders.”  Hitting the egg would give you bonus points.)

“Talkin’ ‘bout the midnight gambler,” Stones.

Speaking of the Gamblers, Kenny B’s “Dial 8” deep threats had an easy “row to hoe” this weekend as they enjoyed a scenic trip south to pick up an “foregone conclusion” vict’ry against the Tampa Tarnishers.  For Park’s Tarnishers they don’t even have to prove that 2006 was a fluke – everyone knows that, it’s another foregone conclusion – however, a mediocre finish (which is sometimes rewarded in the BDFL) looks to be a thing of the past – already – through just three weeks of the season, featuring 3-straight losses.  “They are definitely giving Notre Dame a run for their money.”  Oh by the way, give the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” to the Tarnishers for scoring only 3 in Week 3.

“Ballroom Blitz, Ballroom Blitz,” The Sweet, circa 1973 (covered by Tia Carrera in Wayne’s World).

The Mayors never had a chance when they walked into DCH Regional Medical Center’s backyard ballroom on Sunday only to be danced to defeat by the upstart Druid City Blitz in one of the biggest A.W.’s in recent memory (40-8).  Apparently, this Fritz character is a ringer, kind of like when Kenny B. entered the league and promptly won it twice before anyone thought to check for titanium or micro-waved Blue Dots.  At any rate, The Bulletin has dispatched (to T-Town on more than one occasion) investigators on its “George Leary resume staff” to check out the Fritz Blitz.  However, it doesn’t really take a maximum effort to beat the Cronies these days. ["Ballroom Blitz" is a song written by Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman and originally recorded by the glam rock band Sweet. It was released as a single in 1973 and appeared on the U.S. version of The Sweet's 1974 album Desolation Boulevard.]

“Nick @ Noon” luncheon at Indian Hills Country Club attended by Dog (his wheel barrow) and Butch the day before the ill-fated Uga vs. Bama game.

Before you blame J.P. Wilson or Lionel “Son of Stump” Mitchell for the OT defeat of the beloved Crimson Tide on Saturday night in T-Town, take a look at the BDFL.  In fact, Dog and Butch Neal are hereby banned from any day-before-the-game lunch date with Mr. Coach Nick Saban Sir.  “A perfectly good (birthday) season, shot to hell,” Frank Burns.  Not since Mike Shula was seen coming out of the Walmart (in Hawaii by Butch) with a stroller full of wipes, diapers, bottles, and formula has there been a more tragic loss of karma.  As for the Brookside Dogs they continue to lose (want to know why).  Sunday, the Grenades visited Brookside and came away with a vict’ry before stopping by the old family homestead for a quick game of “name it and claim it.”  Meanwhile, the Cheetahs had to ride in the backseat – not an unfamiliar spot (in Dogs’ Audi, Saab, or BMW) – on the way back from T-Town for obvious reasons (see note on Dog’s wheel barrow).  The Juggernauts, who were not invited on the aforementioned junket dropped the Cheetahs to remain undefeated in the BDFL.

“Wildcats in the house!” from Disney’s High School Musical.

The James Gangs’ Wildcats were not only “in the house,” but “rocking the house” this weekend as they returned to their roots to subdue Fairfield Friend and former roomie, Mad Jack Barnes and the Power Sleds.  “I had to get out of there,” said Mad.  “Jerry’s in there splitting atoms again.”

Woo gets his due...

“This week from the rank and file,” new Bulletin feature, when there is something worth printing (actually posting) from the avid readers of this award-winning publication.  This one is from the leader of the Woosiers, who kept his “Red Neck Rules” theme going by scalping the Wooden Warriors 28-17 in a Hayden vs. Fultondale, Dan Smith vs. Mark Meadows, Smoke Rise vs. Black Creek match-up.

Quoteth Woo: “In true fashion, the "Blow Hard", Pac-10 wannabee's, living in their high powered "Dream World", boast of having the toughest division in the BDFL.  All last year, emails flew, the website crowed, all hyping "The Ball Sagging Codgers" as the elite of the BDFL.  When the chips were down, ALL 4 REDNECK DIVISION teams were in the BDCS and 3 of the 4 "Saggers" were dragging bottom in the lower feeder system!

Week 1 this year, once again, Lee Corso Crony "Iron Hand" spouts of their elite stature (it is believed that Iron's spell checker didn't recognize the term "Cup Cake" so the phrase was omitted), going as far as to list their imaginary status on the BDFL's front page.  As the first bite (of many to come) was taken out of their proverbial cookie in Week 2, any mention of the "Divisional Power Ratings" is absent!

History shows the rough and rugged RED NECK Division to be the best.  Week in and Week out, the "RND" quietly (Bullet excluded) goes about the business of methodically kicking A$$ and pillaging anything they desire.  In the  RND, there are no boast of over inflated  scores while playing "the weak sisters of Mary", then pulling their best Ostrich imitation when having their A$$ handed to them when playing a "Real Team" in a "Real Game", when "Real" marbles are on the line.

The Redneck Division - THE Division of Excellence!” #

Quote of the

Week

"Apparently, this Fritz character is a ringer, kind of like when Kenny B. entered the league and promptly won it twice before anyone thought to check for titanium or micro-waved Blue Dots.  At any rate, the Bulletin has dispatched (to T-Town on more than one occasion) investigators on its “George Leary resume staff” to check it out Da Fritz Blitz"

 

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