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By Bob Bullet

Week 17

Big Daddy Bowl: Cheetahs are Champions!

“3” said Butch Neal, Owner and General Manager of the 2007 BDFL Champion Riverchase Cheetahs.

The Bulletin assumes he’s talking about the third BDFL Championship for his Sin Wagon, and not Dale Earnhardt, Babe Ruth, Dale Murphy, Van Tiffin, or a new discount cover charge at Sammy’s.

“Back in the summer of ‘69” Bryan Adams

Appropriate or not, the Cheetahs tallied 69-points in the Big Daddy Bowl to put an old-fashioned A.W. on the Smoke Rise Woosiers and win the 2007 BDFL Championship (in a match-up of semi inappropriate teams).  Da Bears defense and special teams came through for the Cheetahs all season, and once again in the Big Daddy Bowl, scoring enough by themselves to tie the Woosiers.  What the rest of the table dancers did was put an exclamation point on the season and the championship for the Sin Wagon.  After a number of rough and bottom-dwelling seasons to begin their BDFL franchise in the league’s infancy in the late 1990’s, Butch Neal’s felines are now the first team in BDFL history to boast three championships.  For the Woo Crew, just getting to the title game was a fluke, and they were seriously exposed by the Cheetahs in the Big Daddy Bowl.  And, if you are looking for more “3” omens, try this: The Cheetahs have won when Jaimie went belly-up in the title game, when the Dan Reeves bonehead award got it’s name (vs. Tarnishers) in the Big Daddy Bowl/Final game of the NFL regular season, and when they made the playoffs (this year) with the 10th best point total.  Don’t hold your breath for an asterisk.  Tassels, maybe… but no asterisk. “…we had a band and we tried real hard.  Timmy quit, Jody got married, should have known we’d never get far.”

Is there an * for not drafting your own (championship) team?

In no particular order… despite the brackets, etc.

The Wooden Warriors (boosted by a trip to Shreveport with Mukes, Bullet, and D.K.) closed the season strong with a vict’ry over brother Chris in the Proverbial Bowl.  The Tribe hung an A.W. on the Grenades, who saw their once-promising season go up-in-smoke (and we’re not talking about the good kind of Cheech & Chong “Up in Smoke”).  The Grenades – in major need of a name change and a new identity – had a good run going only to be relegated to three straight losses when it mattered the most.  Now, will the Commissioner simply give up or come up with even more rules (see new draft policy) to try and finally get a league championship.  (Note: MLB Commissioner – under pressure from the owners and fans – announced that if Roger Maris broke Babe Ruth’s single-season home run record [60] in more games the record would have an asterisk in the record book.  MLB Commissioner Bowie Kuhn removed the asterisk years later citing that Maris broke the ‘single-season’ record based on the rules at the time defining what a season is.)

“I’ll take care of that dog,” Dwight Slowees.

The Benton Bullets also rebounded from consecutive losses in the Big Mullet Series to avoid the Toilet Seat distinction by actually winning the Toilet Bowl.  Is that that better than losing the Toilet Bowl?  At any rate, the old Bullerino (boosted by a trip to Shreveport with Mukes, Hime, and D.K.) overpowered the Brookside Dogs to close out the 2007 season.  The Dogs stayed true-to-form in the Mullet Bracket losing three straight games, capped by 8-points in the season finale and accepting both the Week 17 and seasonal “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors.  Things in Brookside are just fine.  There are just a few less dogs wandering around Goose Alley.

“Tatoo you,” Stones.

Mukes benefited in other ways – other than a vict’ry – from his visit to Shreveport/Bossier City with Bullet, Hime, and D.K.  The Sloth Monsters were trounced by the woeful Bootleggers, 22-11, or should we say tattooed.  You’ll have to ask the Son of Slim for details, or check out his left bicep for the evidence.  The Bullet was disappointed that Muke chose a shark over a Three Toed Tree Dweller or a green Frankenstein – bolts and all.

Now that we are finished with the Shreveport Three…

The Fighting Slovaks and Jugtown Juggernauts closed out good seasons for each of them with yet another battle at Ed Bruce’s Rocket Stadium.  The Euro-Trash Talkers got in the last word by outscoring the Rice Rockets, 32-17.  Adam Slo and A.E. now have to find that same consistency and chemistry to keep them in the chase in 08 and out of the dreaded Mullet Bracket.

“If I wouldn’t have blown the whole thing years ago,” Gin Blossoms

Haunted by what could have been in 2007, the Gamblers and Wildcats had to face off in a consolation bracket game that had about as much media interest as Robby Maddison’s motorcycle leap over a football field on New Year’s Eve in Vegas. (If you are keeping score at home – and we know you are – Maddison’s jump was good for 322-feet and a new World’s Record.)  While the Gamblers past up a trip to Vegas, Biloxi, Atlantic City, Tunica, and Bossier City – for that matter – to finish out the season in the comfy suburbs of Rocky Ridge with family-oriented Mildcats, eating Subway sandwiches and sippin’ on Coke Zereos.  The BioCats still celebrated the New Year by subduing the less-than-holy Rollers by four.  Showing up for the Miller Genuine Draft didn’t exactly help the Gamblers this season, but don’t be surprised if the BioCats mail it in again next year (in lieu of some family function).

“I reminisce about the days of old,” Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet Band

That line, or “Old Lang Syne” would be fine with either the Magic City Mayors or Fairfield Power Sleds who long for better days in the BDFL, and now have to share the past and the present with Lowry Langford.  In the past, each of these BDFL Charter Franchises won championships in the BDFL, wielded power by way of rank-and-file loyalty or despot cronism.  However, in 2007, relegated to the Mullet Bracket they were just happy to let this season slip-slide away.  The Sleds were a little happier, since they got the adjournment vict’ry.

Another Letterman List

In honor of the Tarnishers’ season-ending vict’ry over the expansion Druid City Blitz and the fact that their (’06) Tarnished Title has been surpassed by a 10^th place team (albeit in a league that doesn’t reward mediocrity).  Here are 10 more items from Parks’ days at AU/Houston Oilers/Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

10. If you don’t shave and put on a shirt with a collar, David Housel will sit on you.

9. David Housel: “Nany more questions faa Coach Nye?”

8. We just signed some 5-star recruit… Eric Ramsey.  He should make a big impact.

7. “With the fourth pick in the 5th round of the NFL Draft… the Houston Oilers (who don’t play a tight end) select Tight End, Jeff Parks, from Auburn…”

6. “That’s good value.”

5. Why doesn’t Rozier have to run sprints?

4. If this franchise gets much worse, they’ll have to move it to Tennessee…

3. “No, son.  When they waive you, you don’t wave back (except maybe with one finger).”

2. Who’s Warren Moon gonna warm up with?

1. Jarvis, Willie, Pig Goff, Little Perk (frequent visits by Hime, Bucket, and Johnny Ball), and Last Place… I’m home!

Quote of the

Week

"'3' said Butch Neal, Owner and General Manager of the 2007 BDFL Champion Riverchase Cheetahs.
The Bulletin assumes he’s talking about the third BDFL Championship for his Sin Wagon, and not Dale Earnhardt, Babe Ruth, Dale Murphy, Van Tiffin, or a new discount cover charge at Sammy’s"

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