Wizard’s Winner 2006 Finale

 

Prognosticator of the Year

In what has turned into an annual backyard brawl, the Great Wizardo and the Evil Las Vegas Oddmakers (ELVO) went toe-to-toe for seventeen weeks and 136 games. After the last haymaker had been thrown, these two bitter rivals decided absolutely nothing by ending the season in a dead heat. Over the last three years each has claimed a POTY with one tie taking the already heated rivalry to new heights. Nevertheless, ELVO may look at this season as the one that got away. After taking the lead in Week 2 and stretching his margin to as many as fourteen games at mid season, the Great Wizardo reached deep into his bag of tricks and made up a ten game deficit over the final three weeks of the season to pull into a tie with ELVO. The moral of the story is “never, EVER, count out the Great Wizardo…”

 

The Curse

The “curse that shall not be mentioned” continues to haunt all of those BDFL members who have tainted Slovensky blood flowing through their veins. Chris Hand and the Grenades were eliminated late in the year after falling to the “Bullet Rule” although the Grenades did pick up the BDFL version of the NIT by winning the Big Mullet Series thereby easing the pain of another missed title run.

 

Jaimie and the “Singin’ Injuns” finished the season on a high note by destroying their arch rivals the Wizards in Week 17 but were also relegated to BMS status after posting a losing record. Even worse, the Wooden Warriors posted the highest point total in the Green Horn Division but weren’t allowed to even claim that title either.

 

In a deliciously ironic twist of fate, the last of the Slovensky/Hand family fell to the Wizards themselves in two monumental play-off upsets. Versus the Slovaks it was an almost unforgivable coaching error by Adam Slovensky that provided the margin of their defeat while the Bullets watched in horror as his Seattle defense ran a kickoff back only to see the 12 points that came with it get wiped away after a penalty called it back. To add insult to injury, the Wizards’ Shaun Alexander took advantage of the gift by running for one of his two touchdowns on the day. The 18 point swing was easily the margin of victory as the Wizards advanced while the Bullets were relegate to the loser’s bracket.

 

Some have questioned the existence of the curse although the events of recent weeks should quickly dispel such absurd notions.

 

Wizards

After a couple of near misses, most notably in 2002 when the Mayors came from behind on the back of rookie Clinton Portis to snatch the title from the Wizards, Merlin finally adds a second untainted BDFL title to his trophy case and finally unloads the “Dan Reeves Bonehead” albatross from that fateful day in 2002 when Reeves decided to run Warrick Dunn three straight times from the Indianapolis Colts’ one yard line instead of letting Michael Vick, the Wizard’s QB, roll out and score himself which would have won the game for the Falcons and, more importantly, the Wizards. Nevertheless, after pulling a championship from somewhere north of their colon and south of their esophagus, the Wizards can finally call it even.

 

Woosiers

Tommy Todd’s psychic hot line got the cold shoulder in the Big Daddy Bowl ending his remarkable run for the roses that began, as Tommy predicted, the second half of the season and wasn’t stopped until the last possible moment. A victory would have given the Woosiers two of the last three titles and given them the right to declare themselves a dynasty, but alas it was not to be.

 

Bullets

The Bullets took out their frustrating semifinal loss on the PowerSleds to finish third and well within site of their first untainted title. Nevertheless, a penalty on a kick return in Week 16 sank their hopes and that of the entire Hand/Slovensky lineage. However, the Bullets still struck fear into their opponents all throughout 2006 and likewise hold claim to the Red Neck Division championship, the only division to place all four teams in the BDCS. In total, there is much for the Bullets to be proud of in 2006 in addition to the realistic chance that they will be the ones to finally end the curse.

 

PowerSleds

Jack Barnes and the Power Sleds wrestled control of the BDFL throne early in the year, refused to give it back for the rest of the regular season, and won the powerful Gray Beard Division title before seeing their hopes of a third title fall at the hands of the Woosiers. Nevertheless, the Sleds gave a clear message to the rest of the BDFL that their rise back to prominence is in full swing.

 

Fighting Slovaks

The BDFL is all about coaching, something Adam Slovensky and the Slovaks found out the hard way. It is bad enough to leave someone on the bench that comes up with a big game but even harder to swallow is actually benching a player, Philly’s Brian Westbrook in this case, who proceeded to score two touchdowns while the player that replaced him, Reggie Bush, failed to score thereby providing the margin of defeat for the Slovaks. Even worse the Slovaks would have won the championship had it not been for the coaching blunder. Nevertheless, the Slovaks finished a very respectable 5th and showed that in fact they may actually be able to pee in the tall grass with the big dogs of the BDFL despite finding such innovative ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of vict'ry.

 

Sloth Monsters

Mike Dismukes and his “Hammered Heleniacs” dispelled the rumor that they always play well in a drunken stupor after getting smoked by the Slovaks in the $3 Bill Bowl although the same still cannot be said on draft night. Nevertheless, the Sloth Monsters proved they are still among the upper crust of the BDFL despite not adding a second BDFL title and figure to have a major say in who takes home the title in 2007, assuming of course that Mike’s Handy Food Mart hasn’t run out of beer on draft day.

 

Bootleggers

There was plenty of noise coming out of Thunder Valley in 2006 as Jon Wood’s Bootleggers made enough runs to Knoxville with the weekly load of moonshine to qualify for the play-offs and finish 7th despite playing in the rough and tumble Red Neck Division. A potential relocation may take the Bootleggers from their familiar Rocky Mountain digs, but it may also be just the impetus they need to bring home some serious BDFL hardware. Regardless of where the franchise hangs its shingle in 2007, you can bet the big, black Dodge will be ready to rumble.

 

Gamblers

A late season slide in the play-offs spoiled a banner year for Kenny Breal and the Gamblers, but 2006 was hardly a loss. Posting strong numbers and plenty of vict'ries this season has given notice to the rest of the BDFL that a third BDFL title may be in the the offing for Kenny in 2007 when the winnings are counted.

 

Grenades

As the BDFL’s model and marquis franchise, the Grenades looked to have championship timbre until the “Bullet Rule” relegated them to the BMS. Nevertheless, the Grenades demonstrated why they may be one of the teams to beat in 2007 after waltzing through the Big Mullet Series without breaking a serious sweat. A BMS trophy and the net full of mullet that went with it was not what Chris envisioned in August, but it certainly gives the hometown fans plenty to be excited about during the off season.

 

Cheetahs

The Sin Wagon broke an axle late in the year and saw what was potentially a third title in four years evaporate. Nevertheless, the Cheetahs ranked among the leaders in total points tallied and tips taken and figure to reload prior to 2007 when they will again seek a record third BDFL title. Even if they fail miserably, his “Mattress Dancin’ Divas” will still be worth the price of admission.

 

Mayors

2006 was a very disappointing year for the Mayors. After getting rudely tossed from office in the November mid terms, things never really improved after staggering out of the gate with six straight losses putting their season on life support well before Halloween. The one real bright spot is that the Mayors did finish in the upper half of the BDFL in points scored and put a beat down on bother Lyle in the season finale. Nevertheless, for a team with championship expectations it will do little to soothe their battered egos and campaign war chests.

 

Blades

Lyle Arrington and the Blades were never able to truly cut mustard in the BDFL despite several valiant attempts. A long, tough season ended with another loss to brother Alan that probably did little to help ring in the New Year with a little holiday cheer. Perhaps 2007 will see the Blades finally carve out their place as a championship contender.

 

Wooden Warriors

2006 was a bittersweet year for the BDFL’s resident bridesmaids. The Warriors totaled the most points in the Green Horn Division and were among the league leaders in points at the end of the regular season. Even at that, they were still denied a division title and the chance to end their years of frustration at trying to reach the Promised Land yet never crossing over after being brought down by the “Bullet Rule.” Nevertheless, the Warriors have had so many near misses, including two championship game losses back-to-back, that it would seem only time stands between them and hoisting the cup, time and the curse that should never be mentioned that is.

 

Dogs

Only an upset in the second round of the BMS prevented the Dogs from taking their rightful spot as the BDFL’s resident cellar dweller after a miserable year concluded with yet another ugly loss. However, one shouldn’t forget that it was the Dogs who came within one win in the regular season finale from getting their ticket punched to the big dance. Alas, justice intervened and sent the Dogs to the BMS where they continued their fall from grace. 2007 has to be better because it can hardly be worse.

 

Wildcats

Last year’s “Don’t Say No” tour rode all the way to a division title and runner-up spot in the BDFL last season before coming unglued in 2006 in terms of their record. Without a new catch phrase to latch on to the Wildcats made plenty of noise in the point total columns but were never able to convert their point prosperity into enough victories to make the BDCS. At year’s end the Wildcats big numbers put them atop of the Yellow Hammer Division but still saddled them with a disappointing 15th place finish for their troubles.

 

Juggernauts

The Juggernauts staggered out of the gate in 2006 before catching fire and racing through the BDFL like Joan of Arc before a late season slide tumbled them from the rankings and relegated them to the BMS. Three more losses in the play-offs left them dead last in the standings and on the outside looking in at the “Good Ole Boys” club for yet another year. Alyson and the girls will regroup in Lincoln and try to find the right combination of rice rocket fuel to send them to the top of the pecking order in 2007.