|
Quote of
the Week
"Slovaks, like BoSox fans
everywhere, are still celebrating by overeating, drinking too much and
bragging about their latest Kick-Off Cash rip-off schemes and shouting
“Yoy, Yoy, Yoy!” at the top of their voices.
Back Bull
 |
From Underneath The Rock
In Media Void
By Bullet Hand
Week 8 - Big Point Breakout
Grenades Explode on Pixie Dusters
(Greystone)—In a “throw-back” game of sorts, the Johnnys loaded up their
Silver Pathfinder with nylon coaching shorts, titanium Eastons, and some
microwaved blue dots for their venture into the Tea & Crumpets Coliseum
for a match-up against the Wizards. Merlin’s Minions arrived in a blue
F.O.R.D. Ranger that he probably paraded “one too many times out Hand
Lane in front of the Slovensky’s, that cost him a lot of Kickoff Cash.”
Anyway, now part of the HealthSouth “elite,” money is no object and no
problem for the “Wand Wavers.” However, they never got their cash on the
table against the Cockstuds, who “dialed 8” at will and left the gated
community “pumped up” with a big vict’ry over the Wizards.
Woo Whips Dogs
(Smoke Rise)—In a match-up of former roomies, Woo finally got even for
Dog taking some of his select “periodicals” back in the 1980’s. The
Smoke Risers in the Sky quietly welcomed the Super Bankers into their
Hayden lair only to trap them in a scandal good enough for years of
blackmail. In fact, the BULLETIN couldn’t even come up with the exact
details of this Blount County transaction, only to say it was
“Woo-sided.” The Dogs even took the back way through Mt. Olive into
Brookside via Crocker Junction to avoid facing their angry “coke-bottle”
wielding constituents back home.
Woodies Lay It to Sledheads
(Black Crick)—Geronimo, Tonto, and Dances with
Wolves would all been proud to see this weekend’s performance by the
Black Crick Wooden Warriors. Hime’s Tribesmen set the perfect trap to
lure the PowerSleds onto the reservation, they laid out a couple of
vintage Ozzie albums and had a 6-pack of Stroh’s Light waiting. By the
time Mad Jack took the bait, it was too late. The Woodies had already
laid the wood to the Sledheads. Jack was seeing stars and “still not
seeing the light,” by Sunday morning when he limped (on a tender ham)
back to Malfunction Junction, and then hitched a ride back to Fairfield
where he hopes to regroup for the November and December stretch run in
the BDFL.
Will the Real Mr. Obnoxious Please Stand Up
(Montgomery)—The James Gang unexpectedly took Bullet’s “Mr. Obnoxious”
title in a totally unexpected and unprecedented move at Genuine Draft
Night. This past weekend the BioCats took a much-needed vict’ry from the
Bullets in their triumphant return to Cramton Bowl. The Bullets (lowest
point total in the BDFL) were trying to return to their Glory Days with
a return engagement at Montgomery’s venerable old stadium. The plan
backfired as John Lee Pettimore and Company were unable to solve the
mystery of the 4-wideout set in a league where you can only start three
wide receivers. “We did lock up the number one supplemental pick,” said
Bullet. “And, we plan to take that starting running back from the
Broncos who won that American Idol contest… Rueben.”
Slovaks Vote Down the Mayor
(Magic City)—Having been too young to see his father, the Slovak King,
star at Legion Field in the 1970’s, the Slovak Prince rented one of
ESPN-NFL FILMS Hidden Classic Videos of the old World Football League.
Inspired by the Vulcans, the Fighting Slovaks came out firing on all
cylinders against the Mayors who haven’t won an election in what seems
like forever. Adam Ray told his players that they were “kicking against
Csonka!” And, the strategy paid off with a big vict’ry over the John
Kerry Rainbow Coalition Cronies. Slovaks, like BoSox fans everywhere,
are still celebrating by overeating, drinking too much and bragging
about their latest Kick-Off Cash rip-off schemes and shouting “Yoy, Yoy,
Yoy!” at the top of their voices.
Bootleggers Get Cut Down to Size
(Pelham)—If the Woods Brothers from No Teeth, Tennesse were an actual
NASCAR Nextel Cup team, they would not have made it into the “Chase For
the Championship.” However, since they are still racing for pride and
for their sponsors and to support their “way of life,” the Big Block
Dodge rolled off the hauler in Pelham this weekend to take on the
Blades. They probably should have stayed north of the border. The
Section 69ers did more than just “slice his tires.” L.A.’s Sickles
lashed out at the Whiskey Runners, confiscated their best home brew, and
bend them over and let the natural suction take the Bootleggers back to
the Volunteer state.
Three Toes Enough Against Cheetahs
(Riverchase)—Although Mukes can’t remember much of what actually
happened this weekend in Riverchase, he does admit that he feels better,
seems more relaxed and has been relieved of a lot of his smaller bills.
Apparently “dazed and confused” after a few trips between Mike’s and the
Homewood Collage store… the Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers stumbled into
Sammy’s wearing a little too much women’s clothing. Police reports
indicate that articles of clothing were exchanged, services were
rendered, and when the smoke had cleared no one wanted to press charges.
It seems the Cheetah benefited financially (which they always seem to
do) and the Sloth Monsters “scored” enough to pick up a BDFL vict’ry.
‘Naut Very Good
(Gardendale)—The City of Gardendale is trying to convince the
Juggernauts to play their remaining home games at Moncrief, Snow Rogers
or at the Old Middle School, because the action at “once-proud” Rocket
Stadium is getting outright embarrassing. “It would be one thing if
Birmingham City Schools like Parker, West End and J.O. were coming in
here and beating the Rockets,” said Mayor Kenny Clemons. “But, you’ve
got jokers like the Gamblers coming here and stomping on a bunch of
girls.” Meanwhile, A.E. is trying to distance herself from the political
squabbling, and has agreed to play anywhere the city will let her.
However, she says she has a “hand shake” agreement with Giddy
Stephenson. “He said if I brought a BDFL franchise to Gardendale, we
could play at Rocket Stadium. However, when I talked to him the other
day at a political rally, he acted like he didn’t know who I was.” |
