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THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
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TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN Week #7 |
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Quote of the Week
"Despite nearly getting jumped by
Dodie Goode coming out from under the Five Mile Crick bridge, and
narrowly dodging Jonathan Carroll flying down Main Street, the Wizards
actually made it to the ballpark. Merlin then had to endure a Booger
Bass campaign rally featuring the sights – and sounds – of Terry Tarence
and Skull” Back Bull
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From Underneath The Rock In Media Void By Bullet Hand Trio of A.W.’s Mark Week 7
Woosiers Running Wild (Green Springs)—With “togs and tights” instead of “nylon coaching shorts and sanitary socks,” the Woo Crew showed up at George Ward Park looking like some kind of outfit that Bucket would pick up to play in a weekend Church League tournament without umpires. However, these Woosiers were packing. Tommy T. then managed to utterly embarrass the Johnny’s with a pumped-up performance that had the Grenades hitting their knees and begging for the 10-run “mercy rule” to be enacted. There is no mercy rule in the BDFL, and the Commish had to just sit there and take it as the Smoke Risers in the Sky pummeled the once-proud Johnny’s with a big ole A.W., and a massive 58-points. “Never would Woo beat me that bad,” said Iron, “if he had to draft his own #@&% team.” Who gave Woo (or his designated drafter) the first pick? (Priest Holmes only had 28 for the Woosiers.)
Wooden Warriors Massacre Maidens (Black Crick)—“I can’t believe how bad Chris got beat by Woo,” said Hime before his Wooden Warriors took the field against the Juggernauts down on the Black Crick Reservation. Then Kawliga & Company proceeded to chalk up its very own big win by administering an A.W. on the woeful ‘Nauts. A.E. adds another “Toilet Seat Team of the Week” honor to her trophy case that includes a CPA, Law Degree, and Honda 7-point inspection, which is more than she managed to score against the Wooden Warriors. Said Hime, “I still can’t believe Woo scored 58. He never would have scored that many points if he had to draft his own #@&% team. I’m just glad he’s not in my division.”
Gamblers Put a Whippin’ on Mayors (Biloxi)—The rebuilding after Hurricane Ivan is in full force along the Mississippi Gulf Coast, and in a move reminiscent of the Freedom Rides of the 1960’s, the Kerry Cronies Rainbow Coalition boarded buses and headed south to lend a helping hand. In a page right out of history, when the Cronies arrived they quickly found out they were not welcome – except, of course – in the casinos. But, in short order, the Mayors had taken over all of the nickel machines and were running the waitresses crazy with Colt 45 and Thunderbird orders. The “Real Deal” then decided to take drastic action. He shut down the nickel slots, passed out fliers stating there were “Free Fried Chicken” deals in Philadelphia and Tunica, and before he knew it the Mayors were gone. However, they didn’t leave empty-handed. The Cronies had loaded an A.W. aboard their buses to take back with them.
Dogs Get Bitten by Wizards (Brookside)—Reluctantly, Merlin took his Minions to Brookside this weekend to try and keep their recent hot streak going in a “Duel with the Dogs.” Despite nearly getting jumped by Dodie Goode coming out from under the Five Mile Crick bridge, and narrowly dodging Jonathan Carroll flying down Main Street, the Wizards actually made it to the ballpark. Merlin then had to endure a Booger Bass campaign rally featuring the sights – and sounds – of Terry Tarence and Skull. Wobbled and weakened, and without their wallets, the Wizards got the win and got out of town, narrowly escaping the dragnet set up at the edge of town by deputized Brookside officers: Foster, Slowees, Kittle and Pickle.
Cheetahs Shoot Down Bullets (Benton)—“What’s your name, little girl? What’s your name? Shouldn’t you say little girl, there ain’t no shame.” Well, there was some shame in Lowndes County on Sunday, when the Bullets fell victim to “Butch’s Beauties” and their “sly ways.” The Boys from Benton were more than happy to welcome the “Cheetah Girls” into the heart of the Bible/Black Belt. However, these were not the teenage, wholesome Disney creation, but rather the table-top, lap dancing, dollar-grabbing girls from the Big City. “It’s Beau season alright,” said the celebratory Cheetahs upon leaving Hayneville’s Rebel Stadium. “And we just bagged us some BUCK$.” (Former Atlanta Brave Deion Sanders had his 1st TD for the Ravens giving B.N. six for the margin of vict’ry)
Mad Jack Gets the Boot (BIR)—In a Saturday Night Showdown at B.I.R., Mad Jack matched his “Fairfield Flying” Purple and Gold Lincoln against the Wood Brothers, Number 21, Big Block Dodge. In this “no holds barred” match up of speedsters, the Power Sleds surged to an early lead at the venerable old track. But, in the end, it was the Wood Brothers who got the vict’ry thanks to some secret pin holes in the carburetor, shaving of the spoiler, and a perfect set of “matched tires” that had been soaked in a fine East Tennessee, backwoods, chemical marinade for just the right amount of time. A dejected Mad Jack said afterwards, “We would have won, if we didn’t have to use our third-string driver.” (The Bootleggers were fined and docked a few points for cursing in Vict’ry Lane.)
Slovaks Sock It to ‘Cats – Win Rookie Match-up (Rocky Ridge)—Rookies moving in different directions in the BDFL clashed this weekend in Rocky Ridge. The Fighting Slovaks continue to show improvement and it paid off with a much-needed vict’ry, while the Mildcats are starting to show signs of complete collapse. As part of their vict’ry celebration, the Pi Cap RV Caravan decided to make a round trip back to Helena by way of Tuscaloosa and The Booth. Things didn’t go so well after that. The Booth was crowded with a flashback/tribute concert featuring “Eric Landis and the Squires” and “Will and the Bushmen.” The “brothers” got split up and half of them ended up sleeping in the basement of the Frat House, while the other half got picked-up by the local authorities on some “mining” road near Brookwood.
Blades Cut Down Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers (Silver Lakes)—You know the old saying, “It’s hard enough to hold on to a vict’ry without plausible thumbs and only three toes. But, it’s even harder when someone is cutting at your knuckles with a rusty old sickle.” Well, L.A. did just enough cutting down on Silver Lakes this weekend to drop the Sloth Monsters to yet another ignominious defeat. The Blades seem to be doing just enough to hold their own in the weak, watered-down Yellow Hammer Division, while the “Son of Slim” continues to slip down the evolutionary chain, and not be able to “get a grip,” now deep in the cellar of the Green Horn Division. |
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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
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Concept, names, logos and designs are registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL© 2004 |
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