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THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
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TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN Week #2 |
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Quote of the Week "Woo’s boot of the Bootleggers would have knocked out some of the Wood Brothers teeth, except they had none"
Back Bull
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From Underneath The Rock In Media Void By Bullet Hand Cheetahs Accomplish Two-out-of-Three Goals (Riverchase)—(1)“We wanted to get a good win,” said Butch. (2)“Get the Top Dog award for most points in Week 2, and (3) make sure we didn’t get anybody hurt.” Well, as Meatloaf used to say, “Two out of three ain’t bad.” The defending BDFL champions ran out to a big lead over the Duds this weekend, but Joe Willie decided to leave his starting QB in for “just one more series.” The strategy backfired when the Cheetahs number one signal-caller (or call girl) was knocked out for the season with a knee injury, just like Broadway Joe and Brodie. “They’ll have to scope it,” Joe Willie said. “And, dancin’ is out of the question until next year.” Now, the Cheetahs will face the (throbbing, pulsating) music.
Kawliga Scalps Sloths (Lake Cyrus)—“He can’t beat me in golf,” said Bocephus, champion of the BDFL golf tournament, but never a Fantasy League champion, unless – of course – you count his other league. “And, he can’t beat me in fantasy football.” Chief Kawliga was referring to his uncanny ability to defeat Mukes in almost all athletic-type endeavors. This weekend the Tribe ventured away from the reservation to take on the Team formerly known as the Sloth Monsters. Mukes’ Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers kept it close but just were not able to finish the job on the Back Nine. Sources report to the Bulletin that the Son of Slim may have been “impaired” down the stretch by some sort of unknown substances or Sloth’s allergic reaction to Barley & Hops. Not to worry, sources also say that Bucket has given him a pill that will take care of it.
Bullets Out-shoot Gamblers (Benton)—For the first time in history, the “Real Deal” closed up his casinos along the Gulf Coast and headed north to avoid Hurricane Ivan. His only mistake was stopping in Lowndes County, Alabama. The Gamblers got a taste of the Benton backwoods style of gambling, (from the Gambino, Gorman, ‘Naut, Uncle Ray school) where they take your money, the clothes off your back, and if there are any problems, they “shotgun your knees.” The Bullerino took steady aim at the Kenny G’s refugee’s knees and took ‘em down in one shot, giving the Boys from Benton their 1st vict’ry of the season.
Woo Crew Wrecks Whiskey Runners (Smoke Rise)—BDFL opponents may never see Woo again. Armed with his best team ever, (clearly because he didn’t show up at Genuine Draft Night, used a surrogate selector, and got the top pick) the Master Woo himself can now just sit in his WART War Room in Smoke Rise, and make his Fantasy League moves and Real Time Accurate Score-keeping from behind closed doors. Where he reportedly does his best work. Last weekend, the Woosiers welcomed the Bootleggers into Hayden and quickly drop kicked them back across the border. Woo’s boot of the Bootleggers would have knocked out some of the Wood Brothers teeth, except they had none.
Slovaks and Wizards Slug It Out (Helena)—“If Moss catches one Monday night, we’ll win,” became the battle cry of the Fighting Slovaks as they entered MNF just two points behind the Wizards. (And, amazingly they could do the math, even after earning a difficult degree in Creative Writing with a minor in Elizabethan Poetry.) Merlin’s Minions made the drive down to the bowels of Shelby County to Joe Tuck Park in Helena for the 1st ever home game for the Slovaks, who celebrated in typical Slavic style: tail-gating with grilled kielbasa, pjygocha, and nut roll. The freak (Moss) meanwhile, became “Slovak for a Day,” catching a TD pass to give the Helena Hellions their 1st BDFL vict’ry and setting off a wild three-day celebration. QUOTE from the WART: “The Wizard took it up the A*% this week, not only in picking winners but, losing to a newbie.”
Another Rookie Win (Rocky Ridge)—Surprise, surprise. The Rookie Mildcats held on in overtime to shock the Blades. L.A.’s Sickles didn’t do much during the weekend, but they just knew Central Florida’s Finest – Dante Culpepper – would bail them out on Monday Night. But it just did not happen, and Mr. Obnoxious got a vict’ry without scoring in double-figures and without using his infamous 4-wideout set. The James Gang celebrated “on the hill in Hoover,” by purchasing a chemistry set that they could use to cook up their next scheme, which apparently involves melting sulfur, boiling hydrochloric acid, and heating water and mixing in sugar to make syrup. “It’s a recipe for success,” said J.J. “And, it’ll keep the boys busy and off the streets.”
The Man Holds Down the Mean Machine (Fairfield)—The Mean Machine’s union workers called in sick this weekend, sending Mad Jack into a fury and to yet another defeat within the Gray Beard Division. The “strike or wildcat walkout or mass sick call” was reportedly instigated by Arrington’s Mayoral Rainbow Coalition for the retaking of West Birmingham. It seems the Coalition promised the workers a brighter future (along with hood ornaments, decorative deodorant crowns and government cheese) if they would just not show up for their shift. The loss dropped the Powerless Sleds to 0-2 in what could be another very long year, kind of like the Longest Yard – but in this one – don’t look for Paul Crew (Burt Reynolds) to bail them out with a slow-motion, quarterback keeper.
Dogs Triumphantly Return to Jugtown (Gardendale)—Dog couldn’t help but laugh when he crossed the city limits and saw the sign, “Welcome to Gardendale, “2” Nice People Live Here.”** The Super Banker thought it was nice to still see a touch of Brookside in Gardendale. And, his Mutts were inspired by the sign and managed to spoil the ‘Nauts opener at Driver Field. Things turned ugly in the post game revelry and parade as some old Toke School classmates mixed it up. Arrested were Hot Dog Sexton, Dwight Slowees, Darrell Kittle and John Foster of Brookside and Tim Haynes, Dennis Jacks, Mike Marshall, and Ken Boone of Gardendale. A.E. and Councilwoman Tumlin could not be reached for comment. (At least one of them was rumored to be headed for Fayetteville.)
Editor’s Note: **The sign is actually in Harry’s and is autographed by a quorum of BDFL founding members.
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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
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