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THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
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TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN Week #3 |
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Quote of the Week “Serenity now! is all anyone could hear the Dogs barking as they ventured back to the wrong side* of the tracks with their tails between their legs. NOTE: There is no “right” side of the tracks in Brookside"
Back Bull
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From Underneath The Rock In Media Void By Bullet Hand Grenades Explode to Put A.W. on Mayors (Magic City)—Not since his gargantuan choke in the final weekend of the 1998 season has optimism run this high in the camp of the Johnny’s. The Commissioner, taking a page from Bud Selig’s book of “I will move my team to the high-dollar National League and I will get a new stadium, and All-Star game while I’m commish,” Iron has thus far in 2004 set himself up to at least make the playoffs. Propelled by his secret, selective 4-division format, the Commish is now running strong. (And, it doesn’t hurt to have Shaun Alexander.) The Cronies found out just how strong this weekend as they “got the hell out of the way,” rather than face the blistering microwave blue-dots off the Titanium bats of the Johnny’s. And, just remember, ole Sharp Dressed has got a pretty good arm too. Just ask Mukes. His collarbone still hurts when it turns cold.
Sloth Slap Slovaks (Lake Cyrus)—Mukes – with aching clavicle, bad knees, chronic decongestion and undersized women’s underwear – still was able to ‘jap-slap’ the Slovaks out of Lake Cyrus this weekend. The Pi Cap caravan, which had hoped to build on last week’s upset vict’ry against the Wizards, never really got anything going against the Three-Toed Tree-Dwellers, and eventually found themselves limping back down to Helena with another loss. Mukes who admits he’s “never met a Slovak he didn’t like,” says he took it easy on the rookie in hopes of getting Collage into the large market of Eastern European cross-dressers. “Right now, we just sell our matron clothes to fat women,” Mukes said. “But there’s a large, manly audience we are trying to tap into. We would also like to thank Mr. Slovensky for starting two players who had a bye week.”
Wizards Whip Warriors Upsets Status Quo in Green Horn Division (Black Creek)—Merlin didn’t show up empty handed as he entered the Reservation this weekend. But, the gallon of milk he brought Hime didn’t ease the pain he inflicted upon the Wooden Warriors and the Black Crick Indian Nation. The Wizards’ vict’ry over his long-time rival also sent a strong message to the Tribe that Merlin isn’t dead yet, even after suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of the Fighting Slovaks last weekend. So for now, the Green Horn Division looks up for grabs between two former champions (Mukes and Parks) a perennial contender (Hime) and a rookie pretender. (Adam)
Bullet Outguns Woo Crew (Hayden)—In an unprecedented move, Bullet took his Boys from Benton up to Blount County a few days early for relaxation, recreation and a reunion. The Bullerino’s plan worked to perfection. The Straight Shooters visited Rickwood Caverns, the Pumpkin Patch in Hayden, (which doesn’t officially open until Oct. 1) and explored their roots at a Hand family reunion. The Bullets were looser than Bucket before the ’86 Sun Bowl (see Tijuana/El Paso) and proceeded to fire several shots into the chest cavity (no one knows if it has a heart) of the Woosiers. The Woo Crew slumped and fell and took their defeat like a dose of caster oil, which Woo readily admits has a better use but you’ll have to subscribe to woosier.com to find out. It’s $19.95 a month.
Mighty Cheetahs Fall to Sledheads (West Jefferson County)—“Leather and Lace, Crimson and Clover, Guns and Roses.” The combinations are usually lethal. And, this Sunday down at Snit Snider Stadium, the once-powerful PowerSleds put on a demonstration that gave rise to the most beautiful Metal Ballads of the 80’s, and they had the cheesecake on hand to “act” while they filmed the videos. The Cheetah Girls were more than happy to lick their lips, saunter in garters, and slither around on a few automobiles to get some face time, even if it meant getting a defeat to a Geezer Beard Division rival. Mad Jack now has to decide if he wants to sell the rights to the videos to VH-1, MTV-Classic, or Girls Gone Wild.
Blades Sickle Dogs (Brookside)—Marks Mutts were no match for L.A.’s 5.5 horsepower, Briggs & Stratton, mulcher and bagger this weekend on the banks of the Five Mile Creek. And for good measure, after the game was all but “in the bag,” – pardon the pun – the Blades whipped out their famous Section 69 Sickles and gave the Dogs a grooming that they won’t soon forget. “Serenity now!” is all anyone could hear the Dogs barking as they ventured back to the wrong side* of the tracks with their tails between their legs. *NOTE: There is no “right” side of the tracks in Brookside.
Mildcats Win Again, Knock off ‘Nauts (Rocky Ridge)—Mr. Bio-Chemical Engineer and Chief Atom-Splitter, J.J., finally figured out how to run his 4-wideout formation in the BDFL. He just split a running back out wide. The move paid off as the Rocky Ridge Felines knocked off the ‘Nauts with relative ease. In fact, A.E.’s efforts – or lack thereof – gave her the prestigious honor of “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.” It’s probably not going to be a good week to buy a Honda.
Gamblers Edge Bootleggers (No Teeth, Tenn.)—The Gamblers continued their run away from home, away from the powerful Hurricanes that have bashed the Gulf Coast for what seems like the whole month of September. However, Kenny G & Company found some last-minute “Monday Night Magic,” to put them one-point ahead of the Bootleggers in a 10-to-9 sleeper at a mostly-empty Bristol Motor Speedway. The Wood Brothers just didn’t have enough duct-tape and bailing wire to keep the Big Block Dodge on track this weekend, but they vowed to get back into competition this Sunday and resume their futile “Chase for the Championship.”
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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
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Concept, names, logos and designs are registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL© 2004 |
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