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THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
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TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN Week #6 |
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Quote of the Week
"the Blades were desperately waiting in
the concession line for more mixers with cohorts and non-BDFLers:
‘Vegitarian’ Rusty, ‘Pinehurst’ Brooks, Gavin ‘VRRRRM’ Jones and
‘Bicentennial’ Marty.” Back Bull
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From Underneath The Rock In Media Void By Bullet Hand The Bulletin Power Ratings
WEEK 6: Miracles, Movies and Night Moves
Wildcats Whip Wizards – Strike That – Merlin Gets Monday Night Magic Miracle (Greystone)—With their backs to the wall, curled up in the fetal position, and down by 19-points after Sunday, the Wizards needed a miracle to beat the Mildcats. “No,” said Merlin, “What we needed was just a little Magic.” So, “Hocus-Pocus, Presto, and Alakazam!” The Wizards got 21-points on Monday Night Football (including 12 on a St. Louis 93-yard fumble return) and snatched vict’ry from the jaws of certain defeat. It was one of the greatest and latest comebacks in the history of the BDFL. The stunned Rookie Bio-Chemists could do nothing but watch in agony, as their formula for vict’ry was dissolved like so much Cobalt in Nitric Acid. “Boy, don’t ever try that 4-wide-out, spread the field, shotgun B.S. on me again,” said Randall “Tex” Cobb in “Uncommon Valor,” which has really nothing to do with the Wizards, Mildcats, or the BDFL, except he knows how to kick @$$, and I guess he is a Big Daddy. (TRIVIA: Who else was in that movie? See answer below.)
Dogs Repay Old Debt (Helena)—The Prince of Slovakia did not have to grow up in Brookside, because his father – the dwarfed, soccer-style kicking King of the Country – escaped during the rebellious 1960’s. However, payback is hell. While the white-collar, Cardigan Pi Caps have a lived a “life of luxury” in Helena, Hoover, T-town, and Pelham, some of the peasants are still “scratching (fleas) out a living in mostly-abandoned Brookside.” This weekend, they made a pilgrimage to seek out the Prince and storm his Bastille. The Dogs mauled the Fighting Slovaks in their own back yard at Joe Tuck Park and let the non-WASPS know that “Lying, Cheating, and Stealing” is still part of their heritage that they won’t soon be able to put behind them. “I shagged balls at Brookside ballpark for his dad when only he and a few Gogolacs kicked soccer-style,” said an elated Dog. “I never got paid. I will not fetch for his son. End of story.”
Son of Slim Strikes Again (Gardendale)—Mukes’ knees started aching the minute he limped into Rocket Stadium on Sunday. Visions of Golden Gophers “going for his knees,” flashed through his brain. The pain was almost unbearable. Then he saw the All-Female ‘Nauts dancing into the stadium like “Remember the Titans,” chanting, “Everywhere we go, People want to know, Who we are, So we tell them, We are the Juggernauts, The Mighty, Mighty, Juggernauts.” It was enough to make Mukes hurl. (Reportedly, it doesn’t take much.) The Sloth Monsters flew into a rage, wrapped three toes around the ‘Nauts jugular and squeezed. By the time the color came back into A.E.’s face, the Tree-Toed Tree-Dwellers had headed home with some extra bras and a vict’ry.
Woo Out Jams Powersleds (Smoke Rise)—You might hear dueling banjos in a large portion of Blount County, but not on top of ole Smoke Rise this weekend. In some kind of John Carpenter pre-Halloween Festival, the Woosiers played host to the Powersleds. Woo and Mad Jack played metal match, “bang-your-head” tunes until blood poured out of their ears. Was it scary? Yes. Sources say a screenplay is underway. Both Woo and Mad Jack are trying to talk Jamie Lee Curtis out of retirement to star in the flick. In BDFL action, the Woo Crew handled the heavy-metal hangover well enough to whip the Sleds on Sunday as sleepy Hayden contemplated a new noise ordinance.
Cheetahs Take It on the Chin (Riverchase)—“There will be no repeat in the BDFL,” said one football expert this weekend. The BULLETIN has learned that the expert is Mel Kiper, who has joined the BDFL after being canned by ESPN. Kiper said, “The Cheetahs are horrible.” This weekend, the Gamblers rambled into Riverchase, and put up an impressive “spanking” on the Cheetahs. Now, more than one wheel is missing on the old Sin Wagon, and Kiper says that Namath and Neal don’t have the ability to get this team back on their feet. The Cheetahs – who gave Joe Willie a “lifetime” contract after he tried to kiss Suzy Kolber – are now trying to get him to kiss Kiper – which would make the contract moot, or null-and-void.
Grenades All Expenses Paid (No Teeth, Tenn.)—The Commissioner enjoyed an “all expenses paid” trip to No Teeth, Tennessee, this weekend and “surprise,” the Grenades emerged with an easy vict’ry over the Bootleggers. “Did Pistol get to make out the Wood Brothers starting line-up,” asked one BDFL insider. The BULLETIN has learned that information is confidential. However, sources did confirm that the Johnny’s were spotted sippin’ some clear, white liquid in a secluded skybox at Bristol Motor Speedway, cruising Main Street in No Teeth in a Big Block Dodge, and counting some currency. Meanwhile, the Whiskey Runners capture this week’s “Toilet Seat Team of the Week.”
Tribe Scalps Blades, Treats Him Like a Step Child (Pelham)—L.A. is still saving seats for Hime in Section 69, and in new-age terminology, getting “dissed.” And, old Bocephus still knows how to get the crowd up with a “Big Bama Spell Out.” Before Hime and his Wooden Warriors could get an answer for “Who’s Gonna Win?” the Blades were desperately waiting in the concession line for more mixers with cohorts and non-BDFLers: ‘Vegitarian’ Rusty, ‘Pinehurst’ Brooks, Gavin ‘VRRRRM’ Jones and ‘Bicentennial’ Marty. By the time L.A. & Company returned, their seats were taken by a bunch of Omega Moo’s and they had to squeeze in along the sideline fence with old Cuz – Steve Cohen. (He and Hime ran a 10K the next morning.) P.S.; The answer to the “Who’s Gonna Win” question was not B.A.M.A., but the Woodies, by 8 over the Blades.
Bullets Edges Mayors (Birmingham)—Bullet returned to the stadium of his childhood, Shug-Bear Bowl, Dental Clinic, Alabama, Americans, Vulcans, and Stallions venue this weekend to reminisce. (Legion Field) The Boys from Benton took in the full tour. They parked up on “Dynamite Hill,” made the circum-lunar stroll around the stadium, and stopped in for a cold one at the “Tide and Tiger.” Fired up and feeling right, the Bullets then managed to slip past their gracious host – the Mayors – and pick up a narrow, one-point vict’ry along with a “Big Old Box of Chicken.” The chicken was apparently not complimentary and the Cronies are looking for their money back, or a return of their poultry and they have sent out an A.P.B. “What they can’t get back,” said Bullet, “Is my vict’ry. And extradition from Lowndes County is practically impossible. I get the prize, I get the chicken, so, the question is moot.” TRIVIA ANSWER: Gene Hackman and Patrick Swayze were also in “Uncommon Valor.” |
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The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
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Concept, names, logos and designs are registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL© 2004 |
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