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Quote of
the Week
"The Wood Brothers
greeted the Bullets this weekend in the hills of No Teeth, Tennessee in
the same fashion they would a close relative – with arms outstretched
and lips puckered"
Back Bull
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From Underneath The Rock
In Media Void
By Bullet Hand
Iron administers the first A.W. of ‘04
(Green Springs)—“So far, so good,” said Commissioner Chris on his
sneaky, four-division format designed to give the Banana Eaters a better
chance at the BDFL Championship. All the Johnny’s have to do is defeat
three other geezer members of the Gray Beard Division to advance to the
playoffs. They took care of bidness in week one with a vict’ry against
the aging PowerSleds. It’s pretty painful to watch all of those “Where
are they now’s” on VH-1 and see Dee Snider, Poison, Whitesnake and Ratt
talking about the 80’s, but it’s even more painful to watch the Sleds
slide downhill from their once-powerful position as glorious MetalHeads
and BDFL champions. Neidermeyer, where are you when we need you?
Kawliga skins Slovaks
(Black Crick)—Adam Ray’s rookie, Slovak, Frat Rat RV rolled into Black
Crick this weekend for what they thought was a Pi Cap reunion. They soon
found out that one of the founding members of the Dorians (tribesmen
that hunted and killed the ancient Greeks) was on hand as the “Welcome
Wagon.” Hime’s Woodies proceeded to send the Slovaks back to Prague – or
wherever they came from – with a good old fashioned whipping out behind
Tee Pee #2. Kawliga & Company seemed poised to make another war path to
the BDFL championship that they choked away in the Big Daddy Bowl last
year.
Wizards drop the Tree-toed
Tree-dwellers
(Greystone)—HealthSouth stock and women’s garments swapped hands at the
All-England Tennis & Croquet Club just off Highway 280 this weekend.
And, nobody knows who got the best deal. Reports coming out of the
“gated community” say there was even a Powder Puff football game of
sorts played between Fairies, and some kind of Mythical Sloths on leave
from “Lord of the Rings.” When the Pixie Dust cleared, it seemed that
the Son of Slim had lost to some kind half @$$ magician. Maybe we’ll get
more details in the sequel of Merlin vs. the Sloth Monsters 2.
Cheetahs begin title defense in
style
(Riverchase)—Joe Willie Namath made his coaching debut on Sunday with
the defending BDFL champion Cheetahs. He didn’t kiss anyone or wear a
fur coat or panty hose. It seems Broadway Joe just sat back and watched
the show as the Dancers entertained some selective company from City
Hall. Mayor Arrington and Company are reportedly not very good tippers,
but they did manage to stay until the show was over. When the footlights
dimmed and the final curtain when down, the Cheetahs started 2004 the
way they ended ’03… with a vict’ry.
Woo Crew works wonders in Week 1
(Mobile)—Hurricane Woo rampaged through Ladd-Peebles Stadium in Mobile
this weekend leaving behind carnage that hasn’t been seen on the Gulf
Coast for years, and probably won’t be seen again until Ivan makes his
appearance later this week. The “Smoke Risers in the Sky” pummeled Kenny
G’s boys with a series of “Hayden Haymakers” that would have made George
Foreman Jr. proud, or was that George Foreman III, or George Foreman IV?
Who knows? At any rate, Woo (who may have his best-drafted team, because
he didn’t show up) stands alone after week one atop the Red Neck
Division.
Wood Brothers roll
(No Teeth, Tennessee)—The Wood Brothers greeted the Bullets this weekend
in the hills of No Teeth, Tennessee in the same fashion they would a
close relative – with arms outstretched and lips puckered. However,
Bullerino (who may actually have a pretty mouth) was not buying anything
the Bootleggers were trying to sell – including moonshine. In fact, the
Boys from Benton pretty much ignored the Wood Brothers advances. The
Bullets also avoided any serious contact with the Big Black Dodge’s on
the gridiron, and it cost them. After their ignominious defeat at the
hands of the ‘Leggers, (which was almost an A.W., and would have been
Bullerino’s first-ever) the Bullets had to really hammer down to get
back to the friendly confines of Sweet Home Alabama. Sometimes it takes
a lot of horsepower to break out of that massive Tennessee suction.
Blades slice and entice ‘Nauts
(Pelham)—“L.A. woman, Sunday afternoon. L.A. woman, Sunday afternoon. I
see you driving through the suburbs into your blue. Into your blue,
blue, blue… into your blue. Yeah.” If you dissect these words from Mr.
Mojo Risin* (circa 1967) you come up with the following: L.A. is Lyle.
The woman is A.E. from the Jugtown Juggernauts. Sunday afternoon is when
their two teams met in the 2004 BDFL opener and first game among Yellow
Hammer Division rivals. She was driving in a Honda, manufactured in
Lincoln. “Into the blue,” can be interpreted several ways, but the
Bulletin reads it to mean that the ‘Nauts got knocked skyward by some
sort of force, most probably a sickle.
Dogs catch Cats
(Brookside)—“You can bring that obnoxious act to Weatherly and get away
with it,” said Dog. “But, you try that crap in Brookside and you’ll end
up with a Coke bottle up against your temple.” As he has a few times in
the past, Dog made visiting Brookside this weekend as dangerous as it is
on a regular basis in every day life. The victims on Sunday just
happened to be the Rookie Mildcats. The James Gang got indoctrinated
into the BDFL by a bunch of Mongrels who know how to lie, cheat and
steal. In fact, they print that on T-shirts on the banks of the Five
Mile Creek as their official slogan. It hasn’t brought many tourists to
town, and it is doubtful that the C.E.’s (Chemical Engineers) will
return anytime soon.
*POP CULTURE: Unscramble the following:
Mr. Mojo Risin’ and you get Jim Morrison, “I am the Lizard King. I can
do anything.”
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