|
THE OFFICIAL INTERNET SITE OF THE BIG DADDY FOOTBALL LEAGUE |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
TheBDFL.com THE BULLETIN Week #5 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Quote of the Week
"The backwoods Whiskey Runners didn’t
join the presidential debate. They don’t care who wins. They just want
their states-rights sovereignty reinstated so they can sell their
whiskey, fire their Remingtons, dip their Skoal, and marry their cousins
without outside interference. “Once two Mayors climbed Ole Rocky Top,
looking for a moon-shine still, strangers ain’t come down from Rocky
Top, reckon they never will.” Back Bull
|
From Underneath The Rock In Media Void By Bullet Hand Week 5 Bootleggers Kick Mayors (No Teeth,Tenn.)—Mayor Arrington’s Rainbow John Kerry Coalition ran face first into No Teeth, Tennessee this weekend, and the locals were in no mood to hear about how there shouldn’t be a war. “War is what we do best,” said the Wood Brothers. (Who narrowly missed a NASCAR vict’ry in Kansas, of all places, with Rudd finishing second) The backwoods Whiskey Runners didn’t join the presidential debate. They don’t care who wins. They just want their states-rights sovereignty reinstated so they can sell their whiskey, fire their Remingtons, dip their Skoal, and marry their cousins without outside interference. “Once two Mayors climbed Ole Rocky Top, looking for a moon-shine still, strangers ain’t come down from Rocky Top, reckon they never will.”
Cheetahs Outscore Woo Crew (Smoke Rise)—“Is it just me, or do these two teams play each other every week,” said one BDFL general manager. “Maybe they’ve just got some secret rendezvous worked out that’s beneficial – if you know what I mean – to both teams every week.” Well, whatever the case may be, in the official scorebook the Cheetahs came out on top this week against the Woosiers. But, if you read between the lines (a must in BDFL jargon) the Woo Crew didn’t consider it a wasted weekend, even though they didn’t come out on top. The Woosiers may have taken a loss, but they remain atop the Red Neck Division after five weeks of play.
Bullets Bulls Eye Brother (Green Springs)—With the lowest point total in the BDFL, the Bullets still managed to upend one of the top-scoring teams in the league this weekend. Bullerino beat his brother in this year’s first Sibling Civil War. The keys to the Bullets vict’ry: the Boys from Benton always perform better after a stop at the Irish Deli, and the Commish didn’t have a kicker and didn’t trade for one and didn’t have WR’s Owens or Warrick. “Thank goodness for the 4-division format,” said Bullet. “I’m only in 4th place in the Red Neck Division. If we didn’t have divisions, I’d be in 16th place.” Sources say the Bullerino partied along Southside until he turned “mighty green,” and was run off from the Five Points Fountains by some Giddy Stephenson Campaign Workers.
Kawliga Kicks Canines (Brookside)—The headlines in today’s Brookside Gazette read, “From Top Dog to Toilet Seat Team of the Week.” Yes, it appears Mark’s Mutts have returned to normal after a week as King of the Hill in the BDFL. Little Bocephus scalded the Dogs this weekend on the banks of the Five Mile Creek with a textbook Comanche attack: the Woodies just waited for the Dogs to fall asleep, then they snuck up behind ‘em and scalped ‘em. Chief Kawliga defended the tactics, “Hey, if you give these Mongrels any slack, you’ll end up face down at Wayne’s Place with Terry Tarence music blasting out your ear drums.”
Slovaks Fall in Shelby Showdown (Helena)—“Ducks and geese and sheep better scurry when Lyle’s in a bad mood swinging his sickle.” The Slovaks learned that lesson the hard way on Sunday at Helena’s Joe Tuck Park. The Pi Cap Crew, with their blue blazers and kaki Dockers, were no match for the hell-raising, high-fiving, early-arriving Section 69ers. L.A.’s Blades rode the swashbuckling of their fearless leader, Dante Culpepper, (Big Daddy of the Week) to a huge vict’ry over the upstart Slovaks. The win illustrated to “Mr. S” that the Blades still have the sharpest knives in all of Shelby County.
Wizards Whip Juggernauts (Greystone)—The naïve ‘Nauts fell for the oldest trick in the book on Sunday at one of 280’s grandest gated-communities. Merlin, who still has a phony Peter Pan complex, told A.E. to “close her eyes and think good thoughts,” while he sprinkled some Pixie Dust on her to make her fly. However, when the dusting was done, A.E. was not in Never Neverland. She was instead locked inside some sort of Tea & Crumpet cotillion aboard Wizard’s Pirate Ship without a formal dinner dress or matching shoes or a fairy to call her own to come to her rescue.
Heart-Breakers, Tie-Breakers Sloths Battle Wildcats to the Wire (Rocky Ridge)—The Son of Slim ventured over to Rocky Ridge this weekend to scout (Are we going to scout or are we going to party?) a new location for a new consignment shop to sell used work clothes, such as coveralls, overalls, Dickie’s, and lab coats. However, it was an angry mob of mad scientists – in lab coats, no less – that ran Mukes out of town. It turns out that J.J., in a short period of time, has taken over as a sort of Wildcat Don Corleone in Rocky Ridge, and if you want to do business there, you have to consult with the Don. At last report, Mukes was trying to decide whether to pay “protection money” to the James Gang, or take his business elsewhere. For now, all that is certain is that he took an OT loss to the Rookie Wildcats.
Gamblers and Powersled Lock Horns (VisionLand)— “Too good to be true, two legit to quit, too much too fast, too tough to tame.” Deuces were wild this weekend, when the BDFL’s only two former, two-time, League Champions squared-off in the daily double at VisionLand. The Gamblers opened with a pair of Aces, only to be countered by the Sleds couple of Winter Brothers. The Real Deal then doubled-down with Mad Jack ducking and double-clutching Foreigner’s* Double Vision LP. The crowd went wild when the double-overtime outcome was decided and the Sleds had come out with the vict’ry.
*Editor’s Note: Foreigner is not really a metal band and not really a Power Sled partner.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Concept, names, logos and designs are registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL© 2004 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
