From The Crystal Ball
The BDFL's Pigskin
Prognostications - Week 4
By Spaceman Spiff
Grenades vs.
Gambler$
Kenny Breal’s
“Creole Crapshooters” have made plans to show the visiting “Irish Deli
Lawndrivers” that their shamrocks won’t bring ‘em much luck when they
get to the “Redneck Riviera”, and the Wizard thinks the Grenades had
better dig their fox holes a little deeper than normal when they arrive
as if a hurricane was bearing down on them, which, given recent events,
is more than a passing possibility. The Grenades got their noses
bloodied last weekend (not) and probably realized that the pathway to a
first BDFL title is littered with potholes about the size of the foot
the Gamblers figure to firmly plant in the Grenades gluteus maximus.
Wizard’s Winner…the Gamblers.
Bootlegger vs. Cheetahs
Jon Wood’s
“Thunder Valley Bible Thumpers” hit the missionary field this weekend
with high hopes of saving as many of the wretched souls of the
“Riverchase Road-whores” as possible before sundown. Unfortunately, for
the Bootleggers, the closest they’ll bring the home team to redemption
is watching the Cheetahs demonstrate the missionary position. Butch Neal
would love for his Cats to repeat as BDFL “champeens”, but needs to
establish “Marshal Law” in St. Louis if he has any designs on a matching
trophy, and the Wizard knows that a bunch of Bootleggers won’t take too
kindly to such nonsense. Nevertheless, the Bootleggers are loaded for
bear, but, unfortunately, are hunting for big game cats.
Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Juggernauts
Adam
Slovensky has made the rest of the BDFL know in short order that he has
no intentions of being anybody’s “jailhouse girlfriend” in his rookie
year, and will look to continue establishing that precedent when his
“Happy Czechs” meet the “Hippy Chicks” down on the horse farm in Leeds
this weekend. The Nauts can contend for their division, but with depth
being so thin among the legions of teams in the BDFL, Allison may have
to wrap that tender ham up a little tighter this weekend to get past the
Slovaks. However, at the end of the day it will be Adam calling “Czech
and mate”.
Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.
Wizards vs. Blades
Regardless of
whether he is in isolation, hibernation, or simply not returning phone
calls, Lyle Arrington and the “Machete Machine” usually finds a way to
slice and dice the “Wand Wavers” better than a Ronco food processor,
which can be yours for two easy payments of $14.99, no COD’s please.
After stumbling through the first two weeks of the season, Merlin and
the gang awoke, if only momentarily, from their slumber to notch an
impressive win, but only time will tell if they can stand prosperity.
NFL teams beginning to have idle weeks is taking its toll, and none will
have the bell toll louder than the Blades.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.
Dogs vs. Sloth Monsters
Mike Dismukes
has come out of the blocks like molasses on a bitter cold January
morning, and already finds himself in desperation mode in only week four
with the “Bullet Rule” already beginning to loom ominously in the
distance. Sunday is another chance for the past champs to get off the
snide when they face the “resurgent Dante Pastorini”…oops…sorry, I got a
little carried away for a minute…when the Monsters take on the “Hot Dog
(in memory of Brookside native “Hot Dog” Sexton) Harlequins” down on the
pond. Unfortunately for Mike, the closest to a silver lining the Wizardo
sees for the home team is the name on their neighborhood sign.
Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.
Woosiers vs. Mayors
Although it’s
been quite a few years since Tommy Todd spit out state wrestling
championships like a pez dispenser, this year’s edition of the Woosiers
have begun to show some of the mat moves that Tommy perfected once upon
a time (that’s his wrestling moves only mind you). And Tommy will need
them all if he hopes to keep from getting tangled up in the clutches of
Alan Arrington’s “Red Tape Scalawags” at City Hall on Sunday. The Mayors
will look to flex their political muscle to counter any moves the
Woosiers throw, but in the end will find it to all be in vain.
Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.
Wildcats vs. Wooden Warriors
The “Wooden
Worriers” have plenty to worry about after starting out of the gate at a
quick trot, but got their war paint messed up last weekend when they
suffered their first loss of the season. However, the Woodskins hope to
get back on the beaten warpath this weekend when they swing their
tomahawks with bad intentions at the visiting “Kitty Critters”. The
Wildcats have not made many waves so far, but they haven’t been swamped
either, and will have to rely on bailing water faster than it leaks if
they plan to stay afloat for long. Unfortunately Mr. James, a cat can’t
go very “Favre” with a one-trick pony.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Power Sleds vs. Bullets
In the past,
coming back intact from Copperhead Road was the best a visiting team
could hope for when they went down to play the Dixie Dregs”, but this
year the Bullets have been firing blanks most of the time. Nevertheless,
when the “fat fellas with the hair colored yella’ “ get to The Jug this
weekend, they will likely find it will take more than three steps if the
Sleds plan to get out of the sites of Bullet’s .44. Unfortunately for
the Benton boys, a team that can get senior citizen discounts at most
area restaurants will find it quite a bit tougher to get victories in
the BDFL.
Wizard’s Winner…the Power Sleds. |
