From The Crystal Ball
The BDFL's Pigskin
Prognostications - Week 3
By Spaceman Spiff
Cheetahs vs. Power Sleds
This match-up leaves little doubt that the
“Lankforville Dolodome”, which is probably the closest Birmingham will
ever come to any kind of a domed stadium, will be at maximum capacity
when a couple of BDFL geezers come to blows on Sunday afternoon. It’s an
equally safe bet that Ted Nugent paraphernalia will be the dress code of
the day when Jack Barnes and the “Motor City Madmen” (named after the
aforementioned rocker) play the “Cat Scratch Fevers” in yet another
crucial intra divisional showdown. The ol’ wiley Wizard has been know to
say “if the van or the Dolodome are rockin’, don’t come knockin”, and
everyone knows the Cheetahs are experts at rockin’ vans.
Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs.
Grenades vs. Mayors
Alan Arrington plans to hop up on his “Bully
Pulpit” and put a little something extra into his typical stump speech
when Chris Hand and his “Bench pressin’ Banana Eaters” step up to the
plate at Fair Park in a “two ‘n que” Sunday afternoon twilight
doubleheader. Both teams have made some waves in the early part of the
BDFL merry-go-round, but both know this game will be a big step towards
proving their championship timbre. When the Grenades start swatting at
their Tahiti blue dots, they’ll have every intention of dialing “8”
enough times to run up an impressive phone bill, but the Wizard says it
won’t be enough to push the City gubament into bankruptcy.
Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.
Bullets vs. Woosiers
The “Loosiers” of the past have shed their
once ignominious title, and are poised on the threshold of becoming a
legitimate contender in the BDFL. Going the other way are the woeful
“Black Belt Bandits” who have found a way to put the excitement back
into merely getting off the snide each week, much less having a chance
to win. With a stable of running backs on IV Geritol and oxygen, it is not
likely the Bullets will have much more success on the road this weekend
against the Woosiers. Nevertheless, the Wizard likes a challenge and
can’t resist the point spread that ELVO is tossin’ up on the Vegas
boards this weekend, and sees the Bullets covering…if little else.
Wizard’s Winner…the Bullets.
Wizards vs. Wooden Warriors
Two ancient BDFL enemies square of in a
Green Horn Division match-up featuring a couple of teams looking to find
themselves amid the rough ‘n tumble BDFL pecking order. The “Apache
Posse” will have the “Black Crick Nation” (not to be confused with Ol’
Man Kelsie’s Nation) out in full force to greet the “Lollipop Guild”
from North Shelby County, and the Wizardo figures the home team better
be tokin’ something a little more potent in their peace pipes than
normal if they hope to send the visitors packin’ less more than a few
scalps. The Wizards are still wondering when, or if, Irving Spikes will
ever be the “go to man” for the Dolphins (Incidentally, Spikes has as
many carries as the Wizard’s #2 running back), and would like nothing
more than to give Jaimie and the Wooden Warriors a reminder of their own
spikes by leaving a set of prints on the home team’s chest similar to
those that Curtis Stewart left on Jaimie many years ago. However, Curtis
Stewart left his cleat imprint on more than a few a players in college
and beyond, and those bad memories will have little effect when the
Wooden Warriors tame the Wizards.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wooden Warriors.
Juggernauts vs. Wildcats
The Great Wizardo figures the “Wild” in
Wildcats originated from the wild hair growin’ in Jerry’s backside that
poked up on draft day, and not from their play so far in the BDFL. The
“Mildcats” road won’t get much easier when Allyson Edwards pays Jerry a
visit to show the rookie just how rocky the ridges can be in the BDFL.
Nevertheless, the “Jugtown Jubilee” isn’t likely to get enough of the
“Mudcats” whiskers out of place to cover although the ‘Nauts may take
home the victory.
Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.
Blades vs. Dogs
Mark Burr’s “Pound Puppies” plan to pound
more wet sand into the visitors than Hurricane Ivan when the “North
Shelby Spruce Goose” lands at Five Mile Crick Ballpark on Sunday
afternoon. The Blades are named after the creator of the world’s largest
wooden airplane, Howard Hughes, for their inexplicable disappearances
for large parts of the year, and if the Blades know what’s good for
them, they will stay in seclusion until they lift off late Sunday
evening because what’s good for the goose is often good for the gander.
And this weekend both will take a beating.
Wizard’s Winner…the Dogs.
Fighting Slovaks vs. Sloth Monsters
The “Silver Lakes Frankenfreaks” are aiming
to get back among the BDFL elite where they have spent most of the past
few seasons. Unfortunately, the league peckin’ order has had other ideas
so far this young season as Mike and the gang may have been better off
going with their “draft two kickers first” strategy from their rookie
year than the one they employed at the annual BDFL extravaganza. This
Sunday the “Polish Palookas” will pay a visit to the “Haunted Hills” in
anticipation of showing the home team that the Slovaks are good for more
than being the south end of a north bound joke. However, although the
Slovaks do not look like the team to beat, the Sloths look even less the
part.
Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.
Gamblers vs. Bootleggers
The “Vice Lords” take center stage this
weekend when two of the staples of the American underworld collide in
the mountains of East Tennessee. The “Hooch Haulers” welcome the “Gumbo Gambinos” to Thunder Valley this weekend with every intention of
liberally mixing plenty of lightning into the festivities, the “Pike
County White Lightning” variety to be exact, but shouldn’t expect the
visitors to fold before late in the game. Nevertheless, fold the
Gamblers will do since three of a kind beats a pair of one-eyed
Jackasses.
Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.
Cheetahs vs. Grenades |
