The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any "normal" human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

30th Anniversary Season...

Round Two: Bullets vs. Vulcans:

This game was weird and wild, just not watchable. It was slow-paced and slippery, just sloppy. In the BDFL semi-finals with everything on the line in Round Two of the Big Daddy Championship Series, the Benton Bullets and the North Birmingham Vulcans stunk it up. The young, but naïve Vulcans had an excuse: about half their team was out with injuries. The Bullets NFL players played great. What? Then, why the subpar semi-final? Well, Nic Hand got 15-points from his kicker on Saturday, and that was it.* Bullet had a WR go over 100-yards on Saturday Night, but no TDs. Sunday was much worse for the Bullerino. Saquon Barkley had 167-yards rushing and went over 2,000 for the season, but never reached the end zone. Benton’s other RB – Bucky Irving – had more than 200 total yards rushing and receiving, but did not score. (He scored once… but, video review took that one off the board.) With only a kicker left on Sunday Night… the game went to overtime… with the Commanders in clean, field goal range, for the win. Instead, they drove in and scored a TD to end the misery for the Bullets, and send the Vulcans to the Big Daddy Bowl for the second straight year. “Sweet fancy Moses,” exclaimed Bullet – as the OT ending TD also ended the Bullets chances for a championship. [*Note: The Vulcans had a receiver (Bama’s Jameson Williams) score a couple of touchdowns during Monday Night Football to stretch the margin of vict’ry for the Vulcans, and make the Bullets not quite so upset about losing what turned out to be “not” such a close game.] The fact that it stole some steam from The Bulletin was noted, but in the end the Bullets were just a tiny bit above average, and the Vulcans proved they could score in multiple ways to win even with players “sitting out.” A lot of Nic’s guys will be sitting out in Week 18, so the Vulcans will have to “improvise, adapt, and overcome,” if they want a title and to escape the Null Set Club.  

Round Two: Bellcows vs. Juggernauts:

The Fieldstown Bellcows will have to stay in the Null Set Club, for now. The Bell Heads pulled an Oklahoma - a choke job - in the semi-finals. Alabama pulled one in Norman with everything on the line. The Brookside Dogs pulled one in Round One of the BDCS, losing as the top seed to the bottom seed. As for Round Two in the BDFL playoffs with everything on the line, and a chance for their first Championship, the Bellcows fell flat on their udders. It was ugly. On the other sideline, the Jugtown Juggernauts were cool, calm, and collected. A.E.’s “Gardendale Girls” completely and totally dominated in Week 17. The ‘Nauts scored in almost every way possible in the “points only” BDFL. The ‘Nauts put an old-fashioned whippin’ on the Bell Heads, an A.W., if you will. Allyson’s team will ride NFL players with “something on the line,” against the Vulcans with a lot of players, “sittin’ it out,” in the final week of the NFL season and in the Big Daddy Bowl. The winner will get bragging rights and will get to hoist the Grand Daddy Trophy and display it all year for friends and family to view. The Helmet O’ Silver symbolizes greatness, poise under pressure, endurance, heart, desire, fight, teamwork, oneness, toughness, and a lot of other ‘ness that it takes to win the Big Daddy Football League. In the 30th Anniversary Season of the BDFL, the Champion will be an expansion franchise. It’ll either be the Jugtown Juggernauts or the North Birmingham Vulcans.  

Meanwhile in the other playoff games:

The Bulletin sent some of its fictional staff on a New Year’s holiday to Tampa to cover a bowl game, and the coverage of the consolation portion of the BDCS had to suffer. So, there’s no mention of those games in this particular issue. BDFL fans, players, owners, sponsors, and stakeholders are encouraged to check the BDFL website for results and check your local listings for Week 18 match-ups. “It’s not that Wily Coyote wants to kill a roadrunner,” said Cliff Cleavan. “He just wants to kill this particular roadrunner.”   Meanwhile, in the Mullet Series: (See above) The basic same theory holds for the BMS – Big Mullet Series. The game recaps are not here this week, but that is no reflection on The Bulletin, the Commissioner, or the rank-and-file of the BDFL. It is understood that it is the holidays (and game day for the Crimson Tide).  

JrBDFL Update – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Selma Southpaws are at last, the Champions of the JrBDFL. In an epic Super Junior Bowl, the Selma Southpaws coached by Matthew Hand rallied to come-from-behind, and defeat Milton Hand’s Lowndes County Labs, 127-125. It was one of the most pressure-packed games in the hist’ry of the Junior League. The Commissioner of the JrBDFL (Matthew) had previously never won the championship. This season, he had to fight through an extra round of playoffs as a lower seed, and when the Southpaws reached the title contest, it was his brother – Milton (and the Labs) – there to meet him for all the marbles. The NFL and JrBDFL games in Week 17 stretched from Christmas Day through Monday Night Football, and the tension mounted in Benton where each team was “home for the holidays.” The Labs jumped to a 41-0 lead, even as they were under-performing in the early games. The Southpaws withstood the onslaught. Then, they countered. But, it still looked as though the Labs would prevail. But, the Sunday Night game went to overtime, and Matthew’s QB (Jayden Daniels) connected with his TE (Zach Ertz) in the extra period on the last play of the game (and the last play of the season in the JrBDFL) and Washington beat Atlanta in the NFL, and the Southpaws beat the Labs in the JrBDFL. Matthew thrust his phone in spectator’s faces… showing the 127-125 final score… then went to taunt his brother… posed for selfies… and began to bask in the glow of a JrBDFL Championship. Never has one play determined so much (in one house) in Fantasy Football. The aforementioned play also ended the hopes of the Benton Bullets, who needed a field goal by Washington in OT to win, and had their season ended by the OT, TD, pass.

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