King Henry Powers the Sleds:

The 30th Anniversary of the Big Daddy Football League is rockin’ and rollin’ – and as the Hand Patriarch* would say, “$#!&&!%’ and strowin’ – believe it or not. If you are looking at rock-n-roll and the BDFL, you need not look any farther than the Fairfield PowerSleds. Once noted for practicing and playing with music blaring so loud that your ears would bleed, the “Mean Machine” know how to crank it up. In Week 4 in the BDFL, the Sleds – behind Alabama’s Derrick Henry – broke one off in the Southside Cheetahs, almost causing Butch Neal to go deaf in one ear. It was a good game in Fairfield until King Henry broke off an 87-yard touchdown run that was the longest in the hist’ry of the Baltimore Ravens. Now, the City of Baltimore can get ready for the baseball playoffs that will feature the Orioles playing at home at Camden Yards in Round 1 against the Kansas City Royals. NOTE: *That would be the legendary Donald Kenneth Hand, nicknamed D.K., CB truckin’ handle – Handy Man – and as a grandfather and great grandfather, Papa. “Donald Hand is in this van.  

Not Mild: Wildcats Maul Mayors:

The BDFL was born and raised in Metro Birmingham, so it’s no surprise when you get match-ups that feature different sections of the Magic City. In this particular edition the spotlight spins to Fair Park Stadium just a rocks throw from Five Points West. The Western Hills Wildcats entertained the Magic City Mayors, who made the drive out in one of the City’s “stretch limos.” Once the captains were announced, and the coin was flipped, and all the proverbial pomp and circumstance was complete, the Wildcats flat-out, out-played the Cronies. The “James Gang” took this one serious and the result was a nice win for the team that is trying hard to leave the Mildcats moniker in the rear-view mirror. As for the Mayors, they scheduled an early ad hoc city council meeting later this week to talk about how to fix things before the 2024 season goes completely down the tubes.  

Bellcows Ring – Vulcans Ding:

Apparently, the young but naïve Vulcans turned in their starters a little late and drew the ire of the Commissioner before any of the Week Four action began in the BDFL. The inexperience of youth showed its head in other ways when game time rolled around, and the North Birmingham Vulcans were punched in the mouth by the Fieldstown Bell Cows. David Belrose’s team came in sky high after watching the Tide Roll on Saturday Night at Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium on the campus of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Nic Hand was there too, and the momentum helped him rebound, get back on his feet, get his big “iron carcass,” fired up and in comeback mode. And, the Vulcans got the vict’ry. The Bell Heads took the agonizing loss in stride, and began looking ahead at the remainder of their 2024 schedule.  

Blitz Takes Advantage of Bullets Double Bonehead Moves:

The Bulletin is not sure if a “Double Bonehead” award exists in the weekly lexicon of the BDFL. Extensive research is being conducted, but as deadline pressure mounted, the staff placed the search on the back burner, and concentrated on the stories at hand. Bullet Hand did not start QB-Jordan Love (4 TD passes) or PK-Younghoe Koo (20-points) and his team didn’t reach double digits as a result. The Druid City Blitz benefitted from Bullet’s blunder. The BDFL’s defending champions picked up their first vict’ry of the season, and finally showed some signs that they might be able to rebound, make the playoffs, and defend their title. The Bullets also took home the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for Week Four with the embarrassing defeat.  

Freebirds Beat the Bandits:

After four weeks of heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, and hard-fought action in the BDFL, there is only one undefeated team in the BDFL. That’s right, only one team has risen to a record of 4-0. hat team is the Fultondale Freebirds. EDITOR'S NOTE: Vulcans are undefeated at 4-0. T“Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand’s team got to that lofty spot by defeating the Altadena Bandits on the road. This was an interesting game, full of lead-changes, and strategy that sometimes defied logic and basic common sense. However, when the smoke cleared the Freebirds had a one-point vict’ry over the Bandits and began to celebrate, while Old Barry could only hang his head in defeat and head to Big Al’s to play some Gallaga, Missile Command, and generally re-group, after of course he stopped off for a Whopper and a Coke.  

Grenadiers and ‘Nauts Knock Heads in North Jefferson County:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers and the Jugtown Juggernauts battled it out for four quarters in Week Four of the BDFL season. In reality, the games are much longer in fantasy football than just four quarters. They stretch from Thursday Night through Sunday, and then to Monday Night Football, where this week, there were a pair of games on Monday night. Even with all of that, the Grenadiers and ‘Nauts continued to knock heads so long that it looked like at least one of them would come down with a concussion. But, Allyson and the Commissioner just kept dealing with the rock ‘em – sock ‘em nature of this game and battling to the very end. When the stadium clock finally hit 0:00, and when the games came to a close on Monday night, it was the ‘Nauts who escaped with an overtime vict’ry. “Good night!”  

Gamblers and Dogs Battle in Brookside:

The Dixie Mafia has very little power in Brookside. The town is operated by a hidden syndicate made up of elements sprung from the vast immigration to the United States in the 1880s. That is mixed in with frontier types that have both come down from the hills and remained there in numbers still uncounted. Brookside might be Alabama’s biggest “melting pot.” The Dixie Mafia has very little power in Brookside (Pete and repeat were sittin’ in a boat…). But, who said Kenny Breal and his Gulf Coast Gamblers wanted to be in power there on the banks of the Five Mile Creek. There’s no real money there. All the Gamblers wanted was to zip into town, defeat the Dogs in the BDFL, and get the heck outta dodge. Check, check, and checkmate… the Real Deal swooped in and got the heck out of Brookside… and, in between the Gamblers managed a 21-18 vict’ry over the Dogs who fumbled and bumbled the game away to the bitter disappointment of their loyal fans, hooligans, convicts, and borderline crooks.  

Sloths Hang On vs. Armadillos:

.38 Special famously sang, “Hold on loosely. But, don’t let go.” Do you know how hard that is to do if you are a Tree Sloth or for that matter, a Sloth Monster? Do you know? “It ain’t easy,” said the head Sloth – Mukes – years ago about his fantasy football team. In Week Four of the season, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers traveled across a few states to get to Charlotte, where the new and improved Duncanville Armadillos were lying in wait. Or, waddling behind a bush. K.P. has been fixed up by the doctors in the Carolina’s and had this home game moved to his “alternate site” amidst the fallout from Hurricane Helene. At any rate, by the time the ‘Dillos and the Sloth Monsters squared-off, it was a battle of attrition and a war of the wills. It seems the intestinal fortitude favored the visitors and Mukes and his Slippery Sloths emerged with the win.  

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week Four in the Junior League:

In the JrBDFL, Meredith Hand’s Benton Butterflies lost their first game of the season, and Jacob Wood also went down in defeat to be knocked from the ranks of the undefeated. Only Hayden Roberts had a chance to stay unbeaten through four weeks of action, and the outcome of his game went into the final two games of Week Four in the aforementioned duel Monday Night Football games. At press time, it appears that Hayden also lost… so, no undefeated teams remain in the Junior League.