The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

Week Eight Quote:

“Eight, skate, donate, and apologize.” – Donald Hand (again), and The Bulletin has no idea what it means.  

Vulcans Standing Tall – Smoke Gamblers:

To the tune of REM’s “Driver 8” (see full lyrics at bottom). “There’s a statue on the side of the hill. The hill’s divided by roads, express ways, and interstates. And, the tour director says, come on up. Come on up, and climb into the Vulcan sculpture. Because we got another group on the way, we got others that want to see inside. The tourists line up in a straight line. They follow in one by one. They climb the steps into Vulcan’s head, and the brave go up to the torch. Only the brave go up into the torch. In the torch they see all of downtown. They can see for miles and miles. They can see for miles and miles.” Yes. Vulcan is standing tall on Red Mountain above the Magic City. In the BDFL, the North Birmingham Vulcans are standing tall. Nic Hand is riding the wave of Jalen Hurts and the “toosh push,” or “brotherly shove.” Hurts scored three rushing touchdowns in Week 8, and he is single-handedly carrying the Eagles and the Vulcans to vict’ry. The Gulf Coast Gamblers did not know what hit them this past weekend. But, they took their loss like a man and vowed to take the tour of Vulcan and the TV stations, and the Club atop Red Mountain the next time they are in Birmingham.  

Barnes and Belrose Battle to the Brink:

The Vulcans moved to a BDFL-best 7-1 with their win. Meanwhile, two other teams with a chance to improve from 5-2 to that same mark entering Week 8, were the PowerSleds and the BellCows. It was all set up to be a grudge match between Jack and David. The Sleds and Cows were “geared and primed,” after both Mad Jack and Bell Head attended the 34-0 Alabama homecoming vict’ry over Missouri down in T-Town. The teams definitely wanted to “show something,” in this contest of Division leaders. The game was strange at times and unpredictable from quarter to quarter. But, when push came to shove and the Bellcows and PowerSleds were turning up the music and the heat, it was the “Mean Machine” that made the plays down the stretch to pull out the win. The triumph puts the Sleds clearly in the upper echelon of the premier fantasy football league in its’ 30th Anniversary Season with a record of 6-2.  

Bullets Beaten by Sloths:

The Benton Bullets had a chance to improve to 6-2 on the season, but the old Bullerino fell flat in Week 8. A lot of that had to do with the Sloth Monsters, who came out fired up and ready with a game plan to be aggressive – B E – aggressive… B. E. – A G G R E S S I V E. The Bullets didn’t know whether to wind their @$$ or scratch their watch. Meanwhile, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers managed to roll onto vict’ry, and take a step toward turning around their season as the halfway point of the BDFL season ebbs and flows. “I’m behind the 8-ball,” said Mukes. “Because my season started out so bad. But, beating the Bullets is always fun.” Meanwhile, the Bullets down leave Week 8 empty handed: they get the A.W. against them, and the Boys from Benton pick up the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.”  

Dogs Deal Defeat to Grenadiers:

Mineral Springs lies just to the east of Brookside. It’s hard to tell when you leave Brookside and enter into Mineral Springs, unless you pay attention to “Dog Town,” which basically separates the two. If you’re keeping score at home – and we know you are – Republic is to the south, and Coalburg is spread out farther to the east, dodging Gardendale, Fultondale, and any other tiny municipalities (except Cardiff, which is the other way… west of Brookside). It’s not the commercial hub that it used to be when Burr’s, Hand’s, and Slovensky’s were burning up Brookside-Coalburg Road. But, the Brookside Dogs found their way to the outside field in Mineral Springs, next to the outdoor basketball court. After that, the vict’ry was pretty easy as “Mark’s Mutts” dealt a defeat to the Commissioner, who is having a pretty bad season in this… the 30th Anniversary of the Big Daddy Football League.  

Juggernauts Jolted by Mayors:

Meanwhile, in Gardendale… the Jugtown Juggernauts played host to the Magic City Mayors in Week 8. The Cronies obviously spent a lot of their youth and teenage years in Gardendale. Then, they moved to the Big City. Then, they took over as Mayor and the rest is hist’ry. But, occasionally the Mayors have to return to the town of Bill Noble, Othello Phillips, and Stan Hogeland. In fact, A.E.’s ‘Nauts rolled out the red carpet (actually maroon) to welcome the Magic City Mayors and lure them into the trap set by the “Bra Burners.” Once the Cronies crossed Tarrant Drive… coming into Gardendale from the “buffer zone,” of Fultondale… the ‘Nauts sprung their trap. It worked in the early going, but the Cronies were able to counter with some city ordinances of their own and Alan Arrington and his Mayors picked up a big win in the BDFL, and improved their overall record in the process.  

Freebirds Dump ‘Dillos:

The Fultndale Freebirds got outta North Jefferson County this past weekend and traveled all the way to Texas to take on the Duncanville Armadillos. It was a business trip for Kawliga & Company. The team formerly known as the Black Crick Wooden Warriors taking their “rocking road show” as the Freebirds across three states to battle one-time roommate Kurt Prewitt. The ‘Dillos are down this season. K.P. & Company have tried to rise above their internal strife, fight off injuries, and overcome back/neck surgery to put a quality product on the field on Sunday afternoons (Sunday nights and during Monday Night Football). It really hasn’t worked. In Week 8 in the BDFL, the Freebirds dumped the ‘Dillos in a game that really wasn’t as close at the final score would indicate. Hime Hand was glad to get the win, get back in the bus, get those “big wheels to keep on turning… to carry him home to see his kin.”

Cheetahs Pick up the Blitz:

Week 8 featured a game between the defending champion Druid City Blitz and the team with the most BDFL championships in the form of the Southside Cheetahs. The game didn’t exactly play up to the pre-game billing or media hype. Both teams came in with identical losing records of 3-4. It was a pivotal match-up simply because the winner would get to the .500 mark and could officially put themselves in the hunt for a playoff spot, while the loser would have to take a long, hard, productive look in the old, proverbial mirror to see what they could possibly salvage in the back half of the season. As it turned out, the Cheetahs came away with the win leaving the Gritz Blitz contemplating where do we go from here and the Sin Wagon feeling a tiny bit of pressure off of themselves.  

Bash Between BioCats and Bandits:

On the flip side, the Altadena Bandits and the Western Hills Wildcats entered their Week 8 match-up with their focus on the top of the standings in the BDFL. Barry K. Stephenson and the “James Gang,” got their teams to kickoff at Fair Park with records of 4-3 and 4-3, but once the action started, both teams realized they needed to get this thing over with before the State Fair crowd of vendors, rides, and clowns took over. Neither team even bothered to stick around for a corn dog, cotton candy, or a powder sugar induced funnel cake. However, The Bulletin did notice Barry strolling away with a big stuffed animal, and sad-sack Jerry limping away empty handed, and with empty pockets. So, the Bandits improved to 5-3, and the Wildcats slip to the .500 mark at 4-and-4 on the 2024 season through Week 8 action.  

Week 8 in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The Lowndes County Labs won a big game in Week 8 in the Junior League. Milton Hand’s team scored 160-points in the vict’ry and took over the top spot in the Power Rankings in the JrBDFL. The Labs are also in first place in the West Division. In the East, the Iron Legs (Wade Mason) are in first place, and they also hold the best overall win-loss record in the Junior League with a mark of 6-2. A lot of teams are 4-4 at this pre-Halloween portion of the season in a league that is apparently full of parity.   For Week 8 - Driver 8 by REM (circa 1985) – upon request: The walls you built up stone by stone. The fields divided one by one. And the train conductor says, take a break, Driver 8… Driver 8, take a break. We've been on this shift too long. And the train conductor says, take a break, Driver 8… Driver 8, take a break. We can reach our destination. But we're still a ways away, but it's still a ways away. I saw a treehouse on the outskirts of the farm. The power lines have floaters so the airplanes won't get snagged. The bells are ringing through the town again. The children look up, all they hear is sky-blue bells ringing… And the train conductor says, take a break, Driver 8… Driver 8, take a break. We can reach our destination. But we're still a ways away, but it's still a ways away. But we're still a ways away, but it's still a ways away. A way to shield the hated heat. A way to put myself to sleep. A way to shield the hated heat… A way to put myself, my children to sleep. He piloted this song in a plane like that one. She is selling faith on the Go Tell Crusade. Locomotive 8, Southern Crescent, hear the bells ring again. The fields of wheat is looking thin. And the train conductor says, take a break, Driver 8… Driver 8, take a break. We've been on this shift too long. And the train conductor says, take a break, Driver 8… Driver 8, take a break. We can reach our destination. But we're still a ways away, but it's still a ways away. But we're still a ways away, but it's still a ways away.  

Driver 8 Sets REM Apart:

Driver 8 marked the spot in the hist’ry of REM, where they were no longer a college band, and they were on their way to one of the best American bands of all time. Driver 8 on the album Fables of the Reconstruction was that good of a song on that good of an album. REM had gotten a lot of attention with previously albums Murmur and Reckoning. And, by 1985, they were the top college band in the South. And, it would be six more years and three more albums before they topped the charts with “Losing My Religion” on the Out of Time album. But, Driver 8 was just different and better than anything else out at the time in the twilight zone space between alternative and main stream. Driver 8 is folk, it’s rock, it’s Americana, it’s railroad trains, scenery, hist’ry, labor, management, engineers, and destinations, and deadlines. So, in retrospect… even though The Bulletin has done it before… we appreciate the request to highlight Driver 8 again in Week 8 of the BDFL.

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