The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

30th Anniversary Flashback:

Thirty years ago, the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL) began. It started with a draft of NFL players and weekly match-ups, and it was (and remains) a “points only” league. On Mondays and Tuesdays, BDFL owners, coaches, and general managers checked the newspapers and USA Today for the stats. Games were won and lost and the season progressed from week to week. There was no post-season, and the team with the highest point total was deemed the BDFL champion. The Fairfield PowerSleds won the championship the first two years of the league, and the Capital City Bullets won the BDFL in the third year of its existence. Basically, the rank and file of the BDFL and the Commissioner could not stand it. Attempts were made to strip the Bullets of their hard-earned championship. All attempts failed in the face of justice. After the fact, a portion of the BDFL’s leadership decided to add an asterisk to the Bullets 1997 championship. That * can no longer be found on the BDFL website. Also that season, Jeff Parks and Barry Stephenson failed to participate. Quite simply, they “chickened out,” so the commissioner went to a fictional team (Fieldstown Phantoms) to give the league an even eight teams. Parks joined the following year, and Stephenson participated for several years before he was awarded a franchise. Thirty years later, the BDFL still stands tall above all other fantasy football leagues in prestige, honor, glory, and power. It even spawned off a spinoff JrBDFL for the youth of America.  

Dogs Bomb Blitz:

The Brookside Dogs are in need of some serious wins down the stretch to make it into the BDCS. The Brookside Dogs are “hot under the dog collar,” after having a vict’ry taken off the board last week due to “@$$ problems.” Mr. Mark Burr was not happy. Dog steamed all week. “I’m getting screwed,” said Dog, after a win was turned into a loss in Week 13 against the Altadena Bandits. So, this past weekend, “Mark’s Mutts” came out barking, scratching, and clawing in Week 14. The victim on the other side of the field just happened to be the Druid City Blitz. It was a “textbook case” of “wrong place – wrong time.” In reality, there is probably never a good time to be in Brookside on the banks of the Five Mile Creek. The Fritz Gritz Blitz found this out the hard way, and they were bombed by the Dogs, who are not going to go down in this 30th Anniversary Season without a fight. Dog’s effort this past weekend also earned him the “Top Dog of the Week” honor, as well as the “Big Daddy of the Week,” designation.  

Trying to Stand Tall (Like a Statue) – Vulcans Fall to Sleds:

The young, but naïve Vulcans did not make the JrBDFL. They were holding out for a major league franchise. Nic Hand’s plan worked out. The Vulcans got into the BDFL last season. The BDFL has lost some franchises along with owners, coaches, and general managers – not to death (PTL) – over the years. Some aged out of the league, others cracked under the pressure, a couple just couldn’t cut it with the constant competition. This has opened spots for others on the long waiting list. The North Birmingham Vulcans came into the league with the pressure of living up to multiple BDFL champion, Uncle Bullet, and his dad, and Uncle Chris (both one-time champs). The Vulcans haven’t won a title yet, but Nic’s Iron/Bronze Statues have started strong. They made it to the Big Daddy Bowl last year, and they are near the top of the standings in this 30th anniversary season. However, none of that made any difference in Week 14, as the Vulcans were taken down off their pedestal and taken to the wood shed by the Fairfield PowerSleds. The Vulcans were defeated by the “Mean Machine,” 33-23, as the Sleds now are the ones that are standing tall.  

Mayors Defeat ‘Dillos:

The Magic City is known for the Vulcan statue and “The Club” atop Red Mountain in addition to a top area for medical professions and a past and present to a Steel City. This is all made possible by the Mayor of Birmingham. Mr. Arrington has stood above all of the city’s mayors both past and present. In the BDFL, the Magic City Mayors continue to fight toward a possible spot in the Big Daddy Championship Series. The Cronies entertained the Duncanville Armadillos in Week 14 action, and this one was not close. The Mayors defeated the ‘Dillos and sent K.P. back to the Carolinas walking on the wrong side of the road and trying not to become more road kill along Interstate 85.  

Brother Bowl Belongs to Bullets:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers took a 16-15 lead into Sunday Night Football in the BDFL’s latest edition of the “Brother Bowl.” It was a precarious 1-point margin for the Commissioner against his brother and the long-time leader of the Benton Bullets. Most other media (not named “The Bulletin”) had already written off the Bullerino, prognosticating that they would choke under pressure, and not be able to pull out a vict’ry in this grudge match. However, the Boys from Benton rallied to a big win against the team formerly known as the Green Springs Hand Grenades. The final score from the outside football field on the back side of the old school sandwiched between Fieldstown and Brookside – Republic and Dog Town – was Bullets 24, Grenadiers 16. The vict’ry was the 4th-straight for the surging Bullets as the post-season gets closer and closer.  

Juggernauts Slip Past Sloths:

The Sloths and ‘Nauts slugged it out in Rocket City in Week 14. No, not Huntsville, but Gardendale is where Mukes and Allyson squared-off in BDFL action. That’s Gardendale – home of the Rockets. With Greg Desmond inside the famous “Rocket Mascot” going toe to toe with Greg Blackman in the UAB “Dreaded Dragon” mascot costume - this was a game that made headlines in the North Jefferson News and on the local cable access channel on Cablevision. It was that good. The Bulletin isn’t sure why the Sloth Monsters were using the Blazers mascot, but rumors are that the Sloth Mascot was slow to make it to the stadium – imagine that. After all of the smoke cleared, it was the ‘Nauts that slipped past the Sloths.  

Gamblers Crap Out vs. Cheetahs:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers rolled the dice against the “holy rollers” in the Sin Wagon, and it was the Gamblers who crapped out against the Southside Cheetahs. The BDFL is not a “participation ribbon” league. In other words, the Dixie Mafia gets no credit for playing a good game, maintaining sportsmanship, and giving it the old, college try. The Bulletin doesn’t designate “attaboys.” The Cheetahs won this game the old-fashioned way… they earned it. The Sin Wagon got rolling late on offense, their defense clamped down in the second half, and the special teams for Butch’s team turned out to be “special” in Week 14. It was a difficult loss to swallow for the Gamblers on their home field where they’ve been inconsistent in this the 30th anniversary of the BDFL.  

Bandits Beat Bellcows:

In the 1970s, at Gardendale’s Moncrief Park, in the old Pony League, the Indians hardly ever defeated the Yankees. Barry Stephenson played for the Indians and David Belrose for the Yankees. That script flipped in Week 14 in the BDFL, with Stephenson’s Indians winning out over Belrose’s Yankees. Apparently, all these years later, Old Barry had an advantage over the Bell Heads. The Bandits made a living for more than a few seasons, cutting grass, weed-eating, and lining off the ball fields at Moncrief Park in his distinguished career working for the Gardendale Park and Recreation Department. All of these hist’ry metaphors really have nothing to do with the fantasy football match-up between the Bandits and Bellcows, but does appear – and there is some evidence – that the Bandits got the 34-18 vict’ry over the Bellcows simply because “they wanted it more.”  

Freebirds Fall to Wildcats:

In one of the most underwhelming games of the week in the BDFL, the Western Hills Wildcats defeated the Fultondale Freebirds, 16-15. At least it was a close game. In a review of @$$, it appears that the Freebirds avoided the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award, that went to the Blitz in their headline loss to the Dogs.  

Week 14 in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The regular season is over in the Junior Big Daddy Football League. The top two seeds for the playoffs in the cyber world of the JrBDFL are both college freshmen. The Barn Burners coached by Jackson Barnes (Brewton-Parker College in South Georgia) is one of the number one seeds, who has earned a first round bye. In the other division, Milton Hand’s Lowndes County Labs will be the top seed. Milton is a freshman at the University of Alabama. The Bulletin has learned that Matthew Hand’s Selma Southpaws have made the playoffs, while the Benton Butterflies – coached by Meredith Hand – were eliminated. The Bulletin wishes the Junior League success in their version of the playoffs, which begin next week somewhere on ESPN.com in the cyber world of fantasy football.   .

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