The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any "normal" human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

30th Anniversary Shootouts

Round 1: (8) Bullets at (1) Dogs:

Periodically, Bullet still visits Brookside. Nowadays, it’s basically once, or twice, a year for a cemetery ceremony on the hill, or a regular season game against the Brookside Dogs. As a youth, Bullet would visit almost weekly for a period of years. Put it this way, the Benton Bullets know the “lay of the land,” in Brookside – from the dangers on the hill, to the railroad tracks, and vintage trussell, and from the Five Mile Creek to Brookside Ball Park, the four-way stop on Main Street to Wayne’s Place. “You got man,” said Bullet. “And, you got machine.” The Dogs know the town better. “Mark’s Mutts” bleed Brookside red, the color of the old Brookside Bulldogs (before the school was burned down by its own students). This was a first round BDCS “match made in heaven” for the execs at The Ocho – ESPN 8. The top-seeded Brookside Dogs against the Benton Bullets, who eked into the playoffs by a scant 6-points. This game was not what the experts expected. The visiting Bullets dominated from start to finish and finished off the Dogs before first tracks of the Terry Torance CD started playing or the band “Skull” opened, or the drunks started filing out of Wayne’s Place. There were no vintage Coke Bottles, or Pool Cues, for Dog to use to scare off the “upset minded” Bullets, who breezed into Brookside and slipped out with the biggest upset in recent BDFL hist’ry. “I feel like I’m reliving the Oklahoma game,” Dog texted to Bullet in a concession gesture, “Congrats!” Note: The Bullets have Saquan Barkley (RB/PHI) so they could be a factor in the quest for the Helmet O’ Silver.  

Round 1: (7) Juggernauts at (2) PowerSleds:

Fear is a natural emotion for anyone entering Fairfield. The smoke stacks, rail tracks, coal racks, and endless metal, steel mills stretch out into the twilight darkness. The air is thick and the aroma metallic. It has a sound all its own. Thirty-years ago, it gave birth to a heavy metal sound coming out of the overcast mist, that was – and still is – the Power Sled. The proud fantasy football team there is the Fairfield PowerSleds, and they’ve tasted the “Championship Champaign” in the BDFL a record FIVE times. In Round 1 of the BDCS, it was the Jugtown Juggernauts who drew the assignment of venturing into Fairfield to face the “Mean Machine.” The ‘Nauts proceeded with caution in the opening quarter, but after that the “Gardendale Girls” decided to open things up against the intimidating Sleds. What happened next was unpredictable but understandable. The PowerSleds slipped. The ‘Nauts overcame their fear and the BDFL witnessed another First Round upset as the ‘Nauts nullified the Sleds on their home field 47-23. To add insult to injury… that’s an A.W., so, it took until Week 16 for Jack Slovensky to emerge… ouch. The “Mean Machine” marches into the loser’s bracket, while A.E.’s championship hopes move to Round Two in Jugtown’s dream of getting her hands on the Grand Daddy Trophy.  

Round 1: (6) Bandits at Vulcans (3):

Smelting iron and steel is something that the bare-rear-end statue atop Red Mountain knows a little something about. Vulcan – the god of fire (including metalworking) – didn’t get to where he is by being timid. And, the team that bears the statue’s name in the BDFL – Nic Hand – hasn’t entered the fantasy football league of his father (and uncles) in a meek and mild manner. The North Birmingham Vulcans made it all the way to the Big Daddy Bowl in their inaugural season last year. This year, the “young, but naïve” Vulcans have been among the league leaders all season long. The Vulcans also pay tribute to the World Football League franchise that entertained many football fans in the 1970s. Both the Vulcans (and the Birmingham Americans in year one of the WFL) were consistently at the top of that short-lived NFL-rival association. Nic’s team did drop from the top spot over the last two weeks of 2024 in the BDFL, falling to the 3rd seed position for the BDCS. However, the Vulcans were “on their game” in Round 1 as they battled the Altadena Bandits to a close, close vict'ry, 32-31.

Round 1: (5) Cheetahs at Bellcows (4):

The Southside Cheetahs and the Fieldstown Bellcows were matched up in another interesting Round 1 contest in the BDCS. The Bell Heads are still un-proven and proud members of the “Null Set Club,” while the Cheetahs are seasoned veterans with four BDFL titles. This game went back-and-forth from the Thursday Night NFL game until the late results from Monday Night Football rolled in to the headquarters at the league offices. The game was full of twists and turns, but when it came right down to it, the Bellcows were just a little stronger than the Cheetahs. The Bellcows got the ever so close 22-21 win, and kept their hopes alive of getting their hands on the Helmet O’ Silver for the first time ever. “Merry Christmas to all,” yelled Belhop as he drove out of sight.

Meanwhile, in the Mullet Series:

The Western Hills Wildcats missed the BDCS by six points. That’s a semi-tragic occurrence that can have a profound effect on a coach, a player, and a team. Jerry James had the difficult job of getting his “James Gang” over this trauma and focused on the task at hand, which was to compete in the Big Mullet Series, and go for the consolation prize of getting the first pick of the proverbial Pony Draft in the spring. The Wildcats entered the Top Seed in the Bottom Bracket. So, that gives some kind of explanation of where the Duncanville Armadillos were in 2024. It was a very difficult season for K.P. & Company. That continued for the ‘Dillos in Week 16. The Duncanvillians couldn’t “get outta their own way,” and lost yet another game. It was a good start to the Big Mullet Series for the Wildcats. The BioCats got to go into the Christmas holidays with a win, and a pep in their step, and a song in their heart. “Oh what fun it is to win a game in the BDFL.”  

Gamblers Gut Grenadiers:

Gulf Shores is famous for the big mullet toss on the beach along the Alabama-Florida line at a little over-drovin’ bar called the Flora-Bama. Well, the Flora-Bama hasn’t been little for 30-years, but why let the facts get in the way of a good story? Especially in the Big Mullet Series (BMS). This match-up this past weekend put the Gamblers against the Grenadiers. So, obviously the location factors favored the Gulf Coast Gamblers. The Commissioner tried to put up a good fight, but there’s a reason the Mineral Springs Grenadiers finished 15th in the league after a 15-week regular season. Why should the post-season be any different? It wasn’t. The Dixie Mafia gets the vict’ry over the Commissioner in underwhelming fashion, 32-19, ending the Commissioner’s 30th Anniversary Season (except for more “consolation games” in the old, proverbial consolation bracket.  

Sloths Hold On Against daBlitz:

The Sloth Monsters thought they were ready for the defending champions in Week 16. The Druid City Blitz thought on draft night that they could defend their 2024 BDFL title. So, Mukes and Fritz were doing a lot of thinking, and the amount of actual football they were playing was up for debate. It seems that might have been the problem all season long for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers and the Gritz Blitz. It probably was a deciding factor on why these two teams ended up in the Big Mullet Series (BMS) instead of the BDCS, that and the fact that they didn’t score enough points or win enough games in the 30th Anniversary BDFL Season. In this BMS match-up, it was the Sloths that were able to ultimately get a narrow 24-23 vict’ry over the beleaguered Blitz.  

Freebirds Flex vs. Mayors:

Note: these teams played last week, so The Bulletin just ran a re-run of the article with a “note” at the bottom. A lot of teams were “playing for pride,” in Week 15 in the BDFL. Two of those teams were the Magic City Mayors and the Fultondale Freebirds. Alan and Hime ventured into the weekend’s action with virtually no chance of making the BDCS, but they played for the name on the front of their jersey, they played for the family name on the back of their jersey, they played for the logo on the side of their helmet, and they played for their family and friends, and for posterity. They just didn’t play very well. In the end, it was the Cronies that got the vict’ry over the team formerly known as the Black Creek Wooden Warriors. The Mayors won it 18-12, and the F’birds walked off the field at the end of the game with their heads held high, and their arms higher – holding aloft – the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for Week 15 in the BDFL. [Note: in Week 16, Jaimie said, “It’s a Christmas Miracle,” as the Freebirds scored 60, yes 60-points, and put and A.W. on the Cronies in the first round of the BMS.  

JrBDFL Update – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Final Four in the Junior League matched top-seeded Jackson Barnes (Barn Burners) against Matthew Hand’s Selma Southpaws and second seeded Milton Hand (Lowndes County Labs) vs. Jacob Wood’s North Canton Bulldogs. The tension was high right from the beginning with no margin for error for any of the quartet of competitors left after a long cyber season in the JrBDFL. It may be “all about the kids,” but the pressure is real and reticent and inescapable even for these youngsters trying to live up to the 30-year tradition of the BDFL. The online scores, stats, and standings with secret user names and passwords was circumvented by The Bulletin staff and the Championship Game next week (that’s right, they avoid the NFL’s Week 18) is going to be Hand vs. Hand. Yep. Milton’s Labs against Matthew’s Southpaws. It should be an interesting Christmas in Benton.  

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