The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

Columbus Day Weekend Celebration:

“In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. He sailed so fast, he skint his @$$... in 1492.” – Donald K. Hand, circa 1976.  

Bullets Discover Vict’ry Against Freebirds:

A few BDFLers are in the P.R. business. Some have media experience, others have business or advertising expertise. Outsiders might even say that some of them are actually decent at Public Relations. However, none of them can hold a candle to Christopher Columbus, the man who discovered America. The man who got credit for centuries for discovering America, and there are still a number of cities in the U.S. that bear his name (Columbus, Ga., Columbus, Miss., Columbus, Ohio, etc.). “He didn’t know where he was going. When he got there, he didn’t know where he was, and he kick-started the age of expedition to the New World, and he did it with somebody else paying the bills, and he was named Admiral of the Ocean Sea.’ And, his name lives on and on and on. That’s good P.R. In Week Six in the BDFL, Bullet celebrated Columbus Day by defeating his younger brother, Jaimie, in a game that was never close. The Benton Bullets sunk the Fultondale Freebirds 30-17.  

Christopher Fails to Capitalizes on Columbus Day Weekend:

The Big Daddy Football League has its very own Christopher. He’s rarely called by his full name: Christopher Kenneth Hand. He calls himself “Iron.” The BDFL “rank and file” refer to him as Commish, or the Commissioner, or Big Daddy. His BDFL team, the Mineral Springs Grenadiers, marched into Week Six with a winless mark of 0-5. The Gut Grenades tried to summon the courage of Christopher Columbus, the team formerly known as the “Hand Grenades” sailed into battle against the North Birmingham Vulcans with renewed confidence. But, it didn’t pay off. The commissioner’s team failed to pick up its first win of the season, and the “young, but naïve” Vulcans walked away as winner again bringing them to comment, “I thought it was Indigenous Peoples of the Western Hemisphere Day.”  

Sleds Conquer Blitz:

Just like the Nina, Pinta, and the Santa Maria sailing into San Salvador, in October of 1492, the Fairfield PowerSleds sailed down the Black Warrior River and into a battle with the natives with a sense of wonder, amazement, and consternation. It was just Week Six in the BDFL, but this game was a big event, and possible a harbinger of things to come in the 2024 season for both the Sleds and the defending champion Druid City Blitz. At the start of this one, the two teams took their time to “size up” the other side and look for warning signs and possible weaknesses in their opponent. The game kind of underwhelmed at the start. It did not initially equal the hype of explorers landing in a New World. However, after 60-minutes of fantasy football, there was a winner and a loser. The “Mean Machine” absolutely crushed the Gritz Blitz. It was an epic A.W., kind of like Columbus over DeSoto.  

Cheetahs Slow Sloths:

The Southside Cheetahs and the Three Toed Tree Dwellers battled for four quarters on the Columbus Day weekend in the BDFL. And, just like (monarchs) Ferdinand and Isabella wrote Columbus a “blank check” to quote-unquote “find a cheaper passage to the East,” the Sin Wagon and the Sloth Monsters were willing to jump in some ships and take their chances on the open sea, with a dream of fame and fortune at the end of the voyage. But, even Butch and Mukes would have known that the folks they found in the Caribbean were not “Indians,” but rather “indigenous peoples” of islands in the western hemisphere. The plunder and the bounty and the treasure in this fantasy football match-up ultimately went to the Cheetahs, as the Sloth Monsters were too slow… and the Cheetahs ended up like conquistadors with the big prize in the form of a BDFL vict’ry.  

Gamblers Land “Big L” versus Bellcows:

Both of these teams were off to a good start in 2024, and were hoping to keep the momentum going in Week Six action in the BDFL. On paper, it was a key game inside the Rugged Red Neck Division for both the Gulf Coast Gamblers and the Fieldstown Bellcows. And, just like Columbus’s expeditions to the New World inaugurated a period of explorations, conquest, and colonization that lasted for centuries, the “Real Deal” and the “Bell Heads” battled like their seasons depending on this one game. It was a good one with each team making big plays but also countering those with bonehead mistakes, penalties, and turnovers. When the final score was tabulated by @$$, the Dixie Mafia landed a “Big L” with their toes in the sand just off the shore, while Belrose and his bunch were lifting some of the gold and native trinkets like the Grand Daddy Trophy.  “Happy Columbus Day,” said David Belrose to Kenny Breal at the post-game handshake at midfield after this game, and Belrose came back with a list “other” places named after the Italian explorer and navigator who sailed for Spain: Columbia (the country), British Columbia (the Canadian province), and the District of Columbia (USA).  

Cronies Bitten by Dogs:

The Spanish – more likely ruling monarchs of Ferdinand & Isabella – a.k.a. the Castiles – are also given credit on some levels for domesticating dogs. In Week Six in the BDFL, the Magic City Mayors tried to take care of the Dogs, discouraging and domesticating “Mark Mutts,” on the banks of the Five Mile Creek in Brookside. The home field advantage was enough to boost the former Super Banker turned Rubber Making Tycoon into a winner in Week Six of BDFL action. Reportedly, the Mayor called a team meeting after the post-game press conferences, and promised the fans a return to the upper portion of the standings and contention in the BDFL. Meanwhile, the Dogs were pleased with their latest conquest and the statistical reality that the vict’ry improved their overall record and hopefully on their way down the road to the Big Daddy Championship Series.  

Bandits Nullify ‘Nauts:

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. In 1982, Allyson and Barry enjoyed an awesome view. They could see the “toke school” out one window and Rocket Stadium out of the other… in 1982. The Juggernauts and Bandits walked the hallways of Gardendale High School back some 42-years ago. This past weekend, A.E. and Old Barry met on the symbolic, cyber gridiron of Ed Bruce Field at Driver Stadium in Jugtown. The ‘Nauts entered the game at the top of the Yellow Hammer Division, while Barry’s Black Trans Am has spent a lot of the season in the pits of the Green Horn Division. That’s the Black Trans Am with the big ole eagle on the hood and the T-Tops. The game featured nothing too memorable except that the Bandits were able to make more plays “down the stretch,” and despite some bad calls, botched opportunities, and on-sides kicks, the Bandits were able to escape with a vict’ry and move forward to the 3rd Sunday of October with optimism.  

Wildcats Dump ‘Dillos:

Christopher Columbus actually completed four roundtrip voyages to the “New World.” And, early football games were divided into four quarters to commemorate these expeditions and to differentiate the gridiron game from games divided into halves (soccer), innings (baseball), and frames (bowling). The plan worked as all football games in pee wee, high school, college, and professional are played in four, equally-timed quarters. In the BDFL in Week Six, the Western Hills Wildcats and the Duncanville Armadillos battled back-and-forth for four quarters, and at the end of the long and perilous voyage… it was the “James Gang” that claimed vict’ry for king and country.  

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week Six in the JrBDFL:

The Bulletin has received little or no information from the Junior League this week. Our sources are reporting that the Benton Butterflies fluttered to another win, the Selma Southpaws pulled out a vict’ry, and the Lowndes County Labs have not had a haircut since May, and lost in Week Six. The Bulletin can report that there are no undefeated teams remaining in the JrBDFL as the Columbus Day weekend gives way to the full court press of Halloween, which will dominated the Gen X version of October right up until the 31st. Boo!

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