The Bulletin Highlights “That Smell” by Skynyrd – Just Because...

Juggernauts Slam Sleds:

“Whiskey bottles, brand new cars, oak tree you’re in my way.” The Jugtown Juggernauts apparently came back from Music City, USA, so upset that they took out all of their frustrations in the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL) in Week Five. Allyson’s ‘Nauts traveled to Fairfield, and unleashed their fury on the PowerSleds. It was an A.W. 46-23, and it was never even close. “We got blind-sided,” said Mad Jack Barnes after his Sleds were embarrassed. The “Mean Machine” never saw it coming from a “bunch of girls.” It was nothing short of a bludgeoning of epic proportions. But, after the game, the official standings illustrated that both teams were 3-2 through five weeks of action in the BDFL, and reminded that the NFL and BDFL season is a marathon and not a sprint – whatever that means – maybe like the tortoise and the hare, that “slow and steady wins the race,” or that running into an oak tree is never good.  

Bullet Emerge Victorious vs. Vulcans:

“There’s too much coke and too much smoke.” The Benton Bullets picked up points in only two NFL games. It was a lot of points. Bullerino’s placekicker (Koo/ATL) had 18 on Thursday Night to get the Black Belt Boys off to an early lead. The Bullets added 18 more in the Green Bay Packers game (Love-9, Kraft-9) and that was enough to put up a 36-16 win over the North Birmingham Vulcans. It was one point away from an A.W., but it was kind of devastating to the “young but naïve” Vulcans. The reason it was so tough for Nic Hand in his sophomore season in the BDFL, was that his team was undefeated and flying high and feeling mean. Now, the Vulcans have to figure out a way to regroup and get back on schedule to try to make a return trip to the Big Daddy Bowl. “The Bullet just had too much smoke for us,” said Nic, “not to mention ammo and straight shooting.” As for the Bullets, they’ve had some good fortune already in 2024, and they are dreaming of getting their Hands on the Grand Daddy Trophy again.

Bandits Bash Commissioner A.W. Style:

“Angel of darkness is upon you” It seems that everyone that went to Nashville for the epic Alabama debacle returned to “Sweet Home Alabama” and got beat again in fantasy football action in Week Five. The aforementioned A.E., and Iron (and two of his nephews – see JrBDFL below) let the handover cost them two games – one in college and one in the cyber world. And, the Mineral Springs Grenadiers were not “just beaten” they had the angel of darkness descend upon them like a pre-Halloween big, black TransAm, with an eagle (or is it a phoenix) on the hood, and T-Tops. Yes, that a description of the Barrymobile which apparently dodged the “oak tree” and put a whipping on the Commissioner. The Altadena Bandits handed Iron Hand an A.W. with the final score 44-22.

Blitz Beats BioCats by Five in Week Five:

“So take another toke, have a blow for your nose.” The Defending BDFL Champion Druid City Blitz got off to a rough start this season. However, the “Gritz Blitz” didn’t panic. Jerry Fritz’s team went to work and repaired their problems, and ran his team back out on the gridiron to execute their specific game plan for that particular week. Now, daBlitz has won two in a row. In Week Five, the Blitz beat the BioCats by five (27-22). This was a good game, but the “James Gang” didn’t have enough fire power to subdue daBlitz. The Western Hills Wildcats have been up-and-down in 2024, but they still have a winning record (3-2), and are poised to stay in the upper echelon of the BDFL if they can remain consistent, play within themselves, not try to do too much, and avoid drugs and alcohol.

Freebirds Free Fall Against the Sloth Monsters:

“One more drink fool, will drown you” One would think that the week that The Bulletin pays tribute to Skynyrd (authors of Freebird), that the Fultondale Freebirds would not falter. But, everyone is a Skynyrd in this league and in this part of the free world. The Sloth Monsters got a second helping at Sunday dinner and turned in a top-notch, chart-topping performance this past weekend against “Jammin’ Jaimie Hand.” The Three Toed Tree Dwellers rocked the F’birds with bruising short runs for touchdowns, and scorched ‘em with long passes and field goals. The result of this match-up between former roommates and members of the GHS, Class of ’82, was a complete and total vict’ry for Mukes.  

Cheetahs Bite Dogs:

“The smell of death surrounds you.” “Butch probably saw Lynyrd Skynyrd at Rickwood Field in the 1970s,” said Dog. “So, during Skynyrd Tribute Week in the BDFL, I had little or no chance.” The Bulletin notes that it’s not really a true “tribute” to Skynyrd but rather just props to one particular song that was recorded by Skynyrd on their last real album: Street Survivors, and performed live at a number of their shows, but probably not at Rickwood Field (because the song had not been written). At any rate, in fantasy football in Week Five in the BDFL, the Southside Cheetahs surrounded the Brookside Dogs with death and defeated “Mark’s Mutts” 22-16, in a game that wasn’t as close as the final score would indicate. Both of these teams were off to bad starts in 2024 (1-3), but things just got a lot worse for the Dogs with the loss. On the other side of the field, the “Sin Wagon” feels like they may be back on track and able to get back into contention and make something of themselves this season in the BDFL.  

Mayors and Bellcows Battle to the Brink:

“One little problem that confronts you, got a monkey on your back.” In one of the closest game of Week Five in the BDFL, the Magic City Mayors and the Fieldstown Bellcows battled to the brink at Legion Field in Birmingham. Belrose was ultimately able to “show everybody something,” with a clutch win “on the road,” against a formadible opponent. The Bell Heads did it with a mix of old-fashioned pigskin process style and big plays. The Cronies battled back time-and-time again… but, they were not able to get enough points to hold off the “Bell Ringers.” The Magic City Mayors always present problems for Belrose, but on this “any given Sunday,” the Bellcows were able to get the monkey off their back, and get a pivotal vict’ry in fantasy football away from Fieldstown.  

Gamblers and ‘Dillos Slosh About:

“One hell of a price for you to get your kicks.” We’re all glad that K.P. is O.K., in the wake of Hurricane Helene. And, no one understands that better than the Gulf Coast Gamblers, who have seen their share of troubles from tropical storms slamming Biloxi and the surrounding area. That being said – or actually written – the Armadillos and Gamblers joined together to underwhelm in Week Five. In the lowest scoring game of the weak, the Dixie Mafia defeated the ‘Dillos, 17-14, in a contest that may have set back fantasy football. Both teams sloshed around, turned the ball over, committed silly penalties, and just stunk up the joint. The Gamblers got a win, and the Armadillos also got a win, they won the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for their lackluster effort.  

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week Five in the JrBDFL:

The Benton Butterflies, Lowndes County Labs, and the Selma Southpaws all lost in Week Five in the Junior League. Bullet plans to have a meeting with all three of his children and figure out what went wrong. The Butterflies claim they are getting used to Eastern Daylight Time with their move to Atlanta. The Labs and the Southpaws were in Nashville with the Commissioner and the BDFL’s First Lady… and they failed like no other Tide fans have failed since 1984 (before the BDFL started). Allyson was also partially responsible. So, that affected their fantasy football teams on Sunday and Monday Night. Note: Jaimie and Bullet are making the next Bama trip to Music City, USA, and guaranteeing a Crimson Tide vict’ry.  

The Bulletin highlighted “That Smell” by Skynyrd – off the Street Survivors album – Just Because...Just Because it’s awesome.