Wildcats Jump on Juggernauts:

The Western Hills Wildcats came out – not in a 5-wide-out set – but with a little fire in their eyes this weekend when they ventured into Ed Bruce-Driver Field at Rocket Stadium on Mt. Olive Road in Gardendale. The “James Gang” threw caution to the wind and threw the ball down the field early and often. The ‘Cats knew they couldn’t afford to fall behind against the home-standing Jugtown Juggernauts, in this battle of division rivals in the Yellow Hammer Division. A.E.’s ‘Nauts were not ready for the onslaught. The Wildcats earned the 37-22 vict’ry the old-fashioned way – they earned it. With the win, and the 37-point out-burst, the “James Gang” laid claim to the “Top Gun” award for the week. Meanwhile, the ‘Nauts dropped to 0-2 in the early season, and continued to blame Butch Neal for drafting her lackluster team for 2024.  

Cheetahs Charge but Can’t Catch Cronies:

Every team in the Gray Beard Division entered Week Two in the BDFL with the word “winless” next to their nickname. Every team – that is – except the Southside Cheetahs. But, the Sin Wagon succumbed to defeat in a hotly contested game against and old division rival. The Magic City Mayors rebounded from an opening week loss with a gutty performance in Week Two, to defeat the Cheetahs by the final score of 26-20. The Cronies fell behind early, but were able to battle back. The Cheetahs charged back and caught the Cronies from behind, but watched the Mayors pull out a win in the 4th quarter and begin to “jump around.” The Mayors were prepared to call a full ad hoc City Council Meeting to discuss the situation, but soon realized that their idea of “throwing some money” at the problem actually temporarily solved the issue, gave them a vict’ry, and help raise spirits from Morris Avenue to Nawf Birmingham.  

Gamblers Blitz Defending Champs – Claim One Point Win:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers jumped out to a big lead and held on tight down the stretch to earn a vict’ry over the defending champion Druid City Blitz at Kentuck Park on the banks of the Black Warrior river in T-Town. The Dixie Mafia doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear.” In fact, the Bulletin found some of their old ACT and SAT’s, and they don’t know the meaning of a lot of words. However, the Gamblers did not shy away from battling the Blitz on the road, and they came away with a huge win that moved them to 2-0 on the young season. As for the Gritz Blitz, the honeymoon is over. The 2024 season has started with two straight losses for Fritz, and now he must find a way to regroup and get back in the win column.  

Commissioner and PowerSleds Duel at Dolodome:

When the heavy rains came with Tropical Storm Francine, the game between the Mineral Springs Grenadiers and the Fairfield PowerSleds deteriorated into the final football scenes from the 1986 comedy classic movie, “The Best of Times,” with Kurt Russell and Robin Williams. They played the roles of Reno Hightower and Jack Dundee, who re-played a game from the past. The 4th quarter was played in torrential rain and mud. (Spoiler Alert:) Reno – in his Joe Namath white cleats – led the underdogs to vict’ry, throwing the game winner to Jack. In the BDFL’s version of this in Week Two, it was the PowerSleds who adopted the role of the heroes of the Taft Rockets who pulled out a come-from-behind win against powerful Bakersfield. Jack: “You better watch it Dr. Death. I’m pretty fast for a Caucasian.” (In other words, the Fairfield PowerSleds defeated the Grenadiers in OT in the pouring down rain.)  

Bandits Outrun and Outgun Bullets:

The Altadena Bandits “souped up” the old, black Trans Am with the T-Tops, and the big eagle on the hood, and headed down to the Black Belt. They even had some vintage Springsteen blasting on the quadraphonic Blaupunkt, with rock-n-roll music “blasting off the t-tops, and singing sha la la… sha la, la, la, la.” It was quite the entry across the Alabama River into the tiny hamlet of Benton (pop. 31) in Lowndes County. The game between the Bandits and the Bullets wasn’t near as exciting. It was low-scoring with missed opportunities on both sides. It came down to Monday Night Football, and a video replay overturned touchdown, and a weird 4th quarter sequence with Saquon, that ultimately cost the Bullets. Old Barry was giddy upon firing up the Bandit Mobile and rolling outta Benton with a huge upset vict’ry on the road.  

Armadillos and Bellcows Fight to the Finish:

You got man, and you got machine. It’s a theory that goes back to the first days of football. It’s hard for a man to beat a machine. The theory also goes back to the first days of stock car racing. Did a particular vehicle take the checkered flag and win the event, or was it the driver behind the wheel that made the difference? It’s kinda like the old, proverbial “chicken and the egg” argument. In Week Two in the BDFL, the machine looked to be the Fieldstown Bellcows in their match-up against the Duncanville Armadillos. K.P.’s “little ole team from Texas” (by way of Charlotte) could not make the plays when it counted (but, didn’t choke) and Belrose escaped with a vict’ry over the man/child represented in this analogy by the ‘Dillos. It was a pivotal early-season game matching rivals in the Rugged Red Neck Divison, with the Bellcows improving to 2-0, while the Armadillos dropped to 1-1.   Birds Bite Dogs: Jammin’ Jaimie Hand was not afraid of going into Brookside. It’s a trip he’s made all of his life, with grand-parents and kin folks living in the town on the Five Mile Creek. (“Carry me home to see my kin.”) But, the Fultondale Freebirds should have known not to cross the bridge and go to the other side of the tracks. Unless it’s a trip to the VFW, or a short-cut to Cardiff, nothing good happens on that side of Brookside. Hime found out the hard way. Because at Brookside Ballpark, the Dogs are in charge. It is literally their back yard. But, you can’t count your chickens before they hatch, and in Mr. Mark Burr’s pre-mature celebrations, the Freebirds fought back to defeat the dogs on their home turf and literally snatch vict’ry out of the Dog Jaws of defeat.   Vulcans Vex Slow Moving Sloths: When the slow-moving Sloths encounter a young, but naïve team, they realize the importance of patience. Sometimes you just have to put one claw in front of the other. You have to climb that tree one limb at a time. It’s all about the process, and the process takes time. “Slow and steady wins the race,” sayeth Mukes, who may have copied that from Slim or the tortoise and the hare. At any rate, and that being a slow rate, the Sloth Monsters lured the North Birmingham Vulcans into their trap with enticements, incentives, veiled promises, and Natural Lights. Once the Vulcans were in the lair or cave or tree house of the Sloths… Mukes and Company sprung their trap. However, Nic Hand wasn’t born yesterday – it just seems like it. The Vulcans recognized the trap set by the Three Toed Tree Monsters and they were able to “turn it around and use it against” Mukes. So much for learning a lesson… the Vulcans ended up vexing the Sloth Monsters and picking up a vict’ry… vexing and perplexing.  

Week 2 in the JrBDFL – "It’s all about the kids":

Cryin’ and gnashin’ of teeth is a weekly ritual in the teenage angst of the JrBDFL, even though only three teenagers remain in the league of mostly 20-somethings. However, in the second week of the Junior League in 2024, the Lil’ Commissioner – Matthew Hand – and his Southside Southpaws were shot down by the Barn Burners. Jackson Barnes now resides in South Georgia (Mount Vernon) going through “fall college ball” at Brewton-Parker College (NAIA). Jackson is a true freshman and a teenager. Another teenager is also a true freshman: Milton Hand. He’s a freshman at Alabama and his Lowndes County Labs were also victorious in Week Two. Meanwhile, college graduate – Meredith Hand – who is about to move to Georgia – also tasted vict’ry this past weekend in the JrBDFL. She has accepted an interior design job at a company that is relocating to the Battery at Truist Park in Cobb County (that’s Metro Atlanta).