The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

Wildcats Run Wild on Vulcans:

It was a good weekend for the Western Hills Wildcats. The “James Gang” faced a road trip to a relatively tough place to play. All of the pre-game hype was surrounding the North Birmingham Vulcans. The place was Legion Field, but what your average “arm chair quarterback,” doesn’t understand, is that the Wildcats probably have a better record at the Old Gray Lady than the “young, but naïve,” Vulcans. The Wildcats ran wild against the Vulcans, and the outcome was not even close when the patrons, fans, family, friends, and media looked up at The Birmingham News – Birmingham Post-Herald scoreboard at the end of the game. It showed the ‘Cats winning 45-27 over the Vulcans in an outcome that was just 3-points short of an official A.W., but… it “felt” like an @$$-whippin’. In the post-game locker room, the media heard this from Nic Hand, “My defense looked like a statue on some of the Wildcats’ quarterback runs. What had my defensive staff been doing for the last two weeks.”  

Belrose Batters Bullets:

In the “Misfits of 1981 Bowl,” the Fieldstown Bellcows battered the Benton Bullets. It was the third straight loss for the Bullets, sending the Bentonites to 5-5 on the season, and up the ladder of the “Pucker Factor Poll,” and on the watch list to miss the playoffs under the auspices of the “Bullet Rule.” Meanwhile, the Bellcows are picking up steam. David Belrose and Bullet are the only two BDFLers from the Gardendale High School graduating Class of ’81. The Bulletin is not going to disparage that class any more than they have been discounted to this point in hist’ry. The Bulletin will just quote Belrose, “we’ve never lost a party.” The Bulletin is further reporting that there was only one “official” A.W. in Week Ten in the BDFL according to the Commissioner’s Office and @$$, and it was this one with the Bell Heads putting it on the old Bullerino by the final score of 41-17.  

Juggernauts Dominate Dogs in Week Ten:

A whoopin’ (but not an official A.W.) occurred on the banks of the Five Mile Creek this past weekend in Brookside. The Jugtown Juggernauts dominated the Brookside Dogs, 41-24. This match-up of GHS Class of ’82 classmates was over early. The ’Nauts made the short drive – distance-wise – but the long journey – culturally – from Gardendale to Brookside. And, when the Juggernauts got off the bus, they went straight to work. A.E.’s team ran the quarterback a lot, played great defense, built up a big lead, and then watched as the home field fans began filing out of the stadium well before the final gun sounded. It was a big win for the ’Nauts, and a defeat that “Mark’s Mutts” might not be able to rebound from as the post-season in the BDFL gets closer and closer.  

Cheetahs Down ’Dillos:

The Southside Cheetahs were pretty pleased with the outcome of both college and pro games this past weekend. Old Butch watched his beloved Crimson Tide roll in Red Stick, Louisiana. Then on Sunday, most of the NFL games went his way, including the Sin Wagon rolling to an 8-point victory over the tenacious Duncanville Armadillos. The Cheetahs started out slow in front of the home folks at George Ward Park. However, K.P. & Company were not able to take advantage of the staggering start by the Cheetahs. Then in the second half, the “Sin Wagon” pulled away – although not too far away – as they notched a crucial Week Ten vict’ry. The ’Dillos took the loss hard because they thought they had a pretty good chance before kickoff, but they just couldn’t get their act together, they made too many mistakes, missed too many tackles, dropped too many passes, and didn’t make the plays when it counted and in the BDFL, that’s a recipe for defeat.

Blitz Mauls the Mayors:

The Magic City Mayors are still trying to get on the right track in this - the 30th Anniversary Season of the Big Daddy Football League. At this point, not only can the Mayors not get on the right track, the Cronies couldn’t even FIND the tracks in Week Ten. The Mayors were defeated by the Druid City Blitz, 22-10. So, A.A. is now battling depression with a team that is below par for the Magic City’s main man. As for daBlitz, the defending champions are refusing to go quietly. The Fritz Gritz has been inconsistent in 2024, but they have showed some signs that they may be able to straighten things out for the stretch run, and this vict’ry over the Cronies, has given daBlitz some hope for a repeat.

Freebirds Grind Out a Win Against Gamblers:

In the closest game in Week Ten in the BDFL, the Fultondale Freebirds dug deep and “found a way” to vict’ry against the Gulf Coast Gamblers. This game went back and forth from Thursday Night until Monday Night Football before the Freebirds could be counted as the winners over the Dixie Mafia by the final score of 22-20. Kenny Breal, the “Real Deal,” initially wanted a recount and some instant replay calls overturned, but finally decided to just accept defeat and move onto the next thing – in this case – Week 11 in fantasy football. On the other side, “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand wanted to celebrate the narrow vict’ry and proclaim his team as a contender in the race for the BDFL championship in this the 30th Anniversary Season of the BDFL. “If you think about it,” said Jaimie. “It really is gonna be a team from the Magnificent Seven that takes home the title this season, and it might as well be me.”  

Commish Slips Past Sloths:

It wasn’t pretty, but at this point the Commissioner will take any win his Grenadiers can muster. Iron Hand’s team only scored 19-points in Week Ten, but that was enough to defeat the Sloth Monsters. When the final whistle sounded, the Mineral Springs Grenadiers had escaped with a 19-11 vict’ry over the Three Toed Tree Dwellers. Mukes was not happy with his team’s performance, but apparently he stayed in T-Town all week at Harry’s Bar signing autographs and posing for selfies, and not necessarily getting his team ready to play. Meanwhile, the Commissioner has not been eliminated yet and plans to battle to the finish in this the 30th Anniversary Season of the BDFL.  

Sleds and Bandits Set Fantasy Football Back with Classic Snoozer:

Welcome to the “Toilet Bowl,” regular season version. With all due respect to Jack Barnes and Barry Stephenson, in Week Ten, their teams looked like something that needed to be flushed. The Fairfield PowerSleds lacked power this past weekend, and the Altadena Bandits resembled “Band Aids.” It was a rough game to watch even on a back channel with ESPN Ocho. In the BDFL, there’s always a winner and a loser, and the Bulletin has to look at the final score in a game where everyone with a pulse tuned out. The “Mean Machine” did manage to eek out a 13-6 win, and Old Barry did not leave to contest empty handed. For their efforts – or lack thereof – the Bandits captured the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award with their single-digit performance.  

Week Ten in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The report from the Junior League is short this week. Wade Mason (Ironlegs) continues to lead their division and Milton Hand (Lowndes County Labs) continues to stay atop his division.  

The Bulletin – the Question:

Who ran “more wild” in scary, scary, Death Valley in Red Stick, Louisiana? Jalen Milroe or Shaun Alexander.

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