The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any "normal" human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

30th Anniversary Shootouts:

The 30th regular season in the Big Daddy Football League came to a close following Monday Night Football. As it kind of happens every year, the “hopes and dreams” of some teams were “shot down,” with the results from Week 15, and the culmination of the regular season schedule, and the harsh reality of the “top total points teams” getting into the Big Daddy Championship Series and the rest of the “bottom feeders” heading to the consolation tournament known as the Big Mullet Series. The Bulletin is running with this “shot down” metaphor, and listing some “one liners” from rock and country songs to illustrate the finality of being gunned down and the resulting consequences. The lyrics are here near the top of The Bulletin and you can quiz yourself before looking to the bottom of The Bulletin for the (answers) the names of the songs and the corresponding artists, songwriters, singers, or bands.  

Shot Down in the BDFL:

Shot down in cold blood by a gun that carried fame

Shot down in a blaze of glory

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

As a man’s reaching for his trousers, he shoots him full of .38 holes

Big Jim’s done pulled his pistol, shot his friend right between the eyes

I caught a miner cheating, I shot the dog down

I shot the sheriff.

Blue steel flashin’, hot lead flyin’ - wonder what it feels like when they’re dyin’

I’d love to spit some Beechnut in that dude’s eyes, and shoot him with my old .45

Shot through the heart

Hit me with your best shot, fire away  

Not Shot Down - Dogs Survive and Advance:

The Brookside Dogs had the most “on the line,” in Week 15 in the Big Daddy Football League. “Mark’s Mutts” needed a vict’ry in the last weekend of the regular season in order to make it into the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). The Dogs were sitting pretty in the Total Point category, enough for 3rd place in that section of the standings. However, the former Super Banker turned Rubber Tycoon needed a win to avoid elimination under the “Bullet Rule.” It was not going to be easy for the Brookside Dogs with the BDFL’s top-point-scoring team – the North Birmingham Vulcans – on the schedule for Week 15. This one was an epic battle. But, the Buffalo Bills have been scoring points like crazy in the NFL, and in the BDFL, the Dogs have been riding the top Bills scorers (QB: Josh Allen and PK: Tyler Bass) like the NASA Astronauts riding the Saturn 5 Rocket in the late 1960s. It’s been a “moon shot,” for “Mark’s Mutts” down the stretch. The Dogs shot past the “young, but naïve,” Vulcans this past weekend 55-23 to earn a spot in the Big Dance. Not only did the Dogs get into the Big Dance, they ascended to the top spot and will be the Number One Seed in the Big Daddy Championship Series. (Note: pending lawsuits have been dropped, and the Vulcans obviously peaked too soon, but they will still be in the BDCS).  

Wildcats Shot Down:

The Western Hills Wildcats were “shot down,” in Week 15, the last week of the regular season. The “James Gang” did not make the Big Daddy Championship Series. The Wildcats were on the proverbial “outside, looking-in,” going into the weekend. The BioCats were 7-7 (putting them above the Bullet Rule ramifications), but they were 9th overall in Total Points, and really needed the Dogs to lose. As aforementioned, that did not happen. So, the results of the Wildcats vs. Mineral Springs Grenadiers game didn’t really matter that much. “Smilin’ Jerry” just needed a lot of points in the final regular season game, OR a loss by the Dogs to get Mark Burr eliminated and Jerry James into the Big Dance. As the first sentence said, the Cats were “shot down.” In the actual game, the Wildcats got beat by the Grenadiers 33-21, as the Cats were “filled with .38 holes,” in regards to the post-season, and they will now spend the holidays in the Big Mullet Series (where the Commissioner – and his team – will also reside as the BDFL slides from 2024 into 2025).  

Sleds Slip Past Bullets:

The Benton Bullets avoided the “Bullet Rule,” weeks ago by winning four straight games. So, the Bullets could “quote – unquote” afford a loss in Week 15. And, that’s exactly what the old Bullerino did in the last week of the regular season, and now the “straight shooters” will limp into the Big Dance, hoping to pull off a few upsets in fantasy football’s top bracket. Meanwhile, the “Mean Machine” didn’t look that great in the final week of the regular season, but the Fairfield PowerSleds did manage a 28-13 win over the Bullets. The Sledheads have been near the top of the BDFL standings all season long, and they will now be one of the top seeds in the BDCS, and they will have the championship belt from the Gray Beard Division to display on the mantle over the holidays.  

Big Dance Bound – Bellcows and Cheetahs Battle – Kinda:

As complete locks for the BDCS going into the final weekend of the regular season, the Southside Cheetahs and the Fieldstown Bellcows could afford to go into this match-up in a relatively relaxed manner. So, the Sin Wagon and the Bell Heads both had a chance to rest some folks, and tweak a few things, and take a look ahead at the upcoming post-season. In this Week 15 game, it turned out that the Bellcows couldn’t actually turn things down too much, and they scored enough points to defeat the Cheetahs while at the same time claim the championship of the Rugged Red Neck Division. If you’re keeping score at home – and we know you are – it was the Bellcows over the Cheetahs by the final score of 23-22 in the closest game of the weekend in the BDFL.  

Juggernauts – On to the BDCS – After Run In With Gamblers:

The Jugtown Juggernauts have enjoyed a solid season. It seems that staying away from the Miller Genuine Draft has paid dividends for Allyson and her beloved ‘Nauts. Safely in the BDCS prior to this past weekend’s games, the ‘Nauts could go into the game with a chance to peek ahead to Round One next week. Getting caught looking ahead can often times be detrimental to winning that particular week’s “present” game. And, that’s exactly what happened to the “Gardendale Girls” as they were defeated by the Gulf Coast Gamblers 21-18. The Dixie Mafia will be right at home for the post-season with the Gamblers staying home for the consolation Big Mullet Series (BMS).  

In Route to the Big Dance – Bandits See Sloths First:

The Altadena Bandits were in a relatively tenuous position going into Week 15. Old Barry’s bunch were looking to either hold onto the last spot in the BDCS field, or possibly move up to the 7th seed. That was about all the drama for the Bandits. All the drama except… an old-time match-up against former GHS O-line partner, and former college roommate, Michael Hewlitt Dismukes. If you think a Stephenson-Mukes match-up is not going to have something on the line, then you have no real sense of the rivalry between these two. So, Barry and Mukes made the prerequisite stop at Mike’s on Highway 31, picked up a case of ponies (they weren’t very thirsty), and jumped into the black Trans Am with the T-Tops and the Big Eagle on the hood, and took off to rendezvous with Big Albert, Curt, Bucket, and Johnny Ball. The final score from their undercard BDFL game: Sloth Monsters 34, Bandits 32. Barry took the “L” in this grudge match, but they scored enough points to secure the 7th seed. As expected, no details were available on their stops after they departed from Mike’s, but rumor has it that one of the six passed out, and one of the group started a fight and was nowhere to be found with the deal went down.  

Freebirds Fall to Mayors:

A lot of teams were “playing for pride,” in Week 15 in the BDFL. Two of those teams were the Magic City Mayors and the Fultondale Freebirds. Alan and Hime ventured into the weekend’s action with virtually no chance of making the BDCS, but they played for the name on the front of their jersey, they played for the family name on the back of their jersey, they played for the logo on the side of their helmet, and they played for their family and friends, and for posterity. They just didn’t play very well. In the end, it was the Cronies that got the vict’ry over the team formerly known as the Black Creek Wooden Warriors. The Mayors won it 18-12, and the F’birds walked off the field at the end of the game with their heads held high, and their arms higher – holding aloft – the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award for Week 15 in the BDFL.  

Armadillos Finish Strong Beating daBlitz:

“It’s not rocket science,” said K.P. “Throw a screen, throw a slant, go deep down the sideline. That’s how you beat a blitz.” Turns out… that’s also how you can beat the Druid City Blitz in cyber football in the country’s premiere fantasy football league. It’s also about integrity: two teams all but eliminated from the playoffs battling out in the last week of the regular season, playing for something bigger than themselves, and upholding the proud and long (30 years) tradition of the BDFL. Turns out… K.P. finally made a trip back to T-Town, it was to take on the daBlitz, where the Dillos pulled off the upset over the “Fritz Gritz Blitz” by the final score of 33-21.  

Week 15 in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The playoffs got underway this past weekend in the JrBDFL. The top two seeds – the Birmingham Barn Burners (Jackson Barnes) and the Lowndes County Labs (Milton Hand) – had Week 15 off with a first round bye as they await the winners for the semi-finals. Advancing to the next round was the Selma Southpaws (Matthew Hand) and the North Canton Bulldogs (Jacob Wood). Merry Christmas to all in the Junior League, The Bulletin really hopes that Santa Claus brings you what you want.    

Shot Down in the BDFL:

Shot down in cold blood by a gun that carried fame. (Fire on the Mountain) – Marshall Tucker

Shot down in a blaze of glory. (Blaze of Glory) – Bon Jovi

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. (Folsom Prison Blues) – Johnny Cash

As a man’s reaching for his trousers, he shoots him full of .38 holes. (Saturday Night Special) - Skynyrd

Big Jim’s done pulled his pistol, shot his friend right between the eyes. (Saturday Night Special) - Skynyrd

I caught a miner cheating, I shot the dog down. (Devil’s Right Hand) – Steve Earle

 I shot the sheriff. (I Shot the Sheriff) – Bob Marley

Blue steel flashin’, hot lead flyin’ - wonder what it feels like when they’re dyin’. (Bounty Hunter) – Molly Hatchet

I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dude’s eyes, and shoot him with my old .45. (Country Boy Can Survive) Hank Williams Jr. “Bocephus”

Shot through the heart. (You Give Love a Bad Name) – Bon Jovi

Hit me with your best shot, fire away. (Hit Me With Your Best Shot) – Pat Benatar

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