The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the weekly mouthpiece of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any “normal” human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 30th Anniversary Edition

Vulcans Hold Up Torch in Beating Bandits:

 The “young, but naïve,” North Birmingham Vulcans just keep on trucking. They are holding up the torch of vict’ry on Red Mountain, and proving their trip to the Big Daddy Bowl last season was not a fluke. (They are even holding up pretty well at Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Section L, Row 8.) Nic Hand also brought home a “W” from isconsin, unlike the Commissioner, Karen, Matthew and Milton Hand… who choked in Nashville. With that said, or actually written, we’ll see if Nic can bring back a win from Red Stick, Louisiana. Back to the BDFL, the Vulcans entered Week Nine with a record of 7-1, and they were able to hold up against a feisty Altadena Bandits team, and march out with a nice win over a contending team. The loss drops the Banditos to 5-4, but the Bulletin is still going to refer to Barry’s team as a “contending team.”  

Belrose Grapples with Grenadiers:

The Commissioner’s season keeps going from bad to worse. Iron Hand is probably still doing a good job in the conference room, still working out deals with sponsors, and coordinating all the moving parts of the Big Daddy Football League here in the 30th Anniversary Season. But, his Mineral Springs Grenadiers are struggling. The former Gut Grenades are trying to stomach too many mini hamburgers (“I ate 50 Krystals.”) and are close to becoming the first team in 2024 to be eliminated from the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS) under the long-standing “Bullet Rule.” Meanwhile, the Fieldstown Bellcows continue to win games and improve their chances of making the post-season dances that can lead to the top of the league.  

‘Nauts Dodge Bullets:

The Benton Bullets remain near the top of the Rugged Red Neck Division and the Jugtown Juggernauts are lingering in the middle of the Yellow Hammer Division, but in Week Nine, the ‘Nauts dodged a Bullet, and escaped with a key vict’ry in BDFL action. The Bullets stole the highlights plays with Saquan Barkley hurdling backwards and Daniel Jones actually scoring points. However, the ‘Nauts scored a lot of points behind Joe Burrow (5 TD passes) and the Colts kicker… and knocked off the Bullets “on the road,” on the banks of the Alabama River, in the tiny hamlet of Benton (pop. 31). Allyson enjoyed the return trip out Highway 80, and then up Interstate 65 back to Gardendale, with a win that puts her team in serious contention with a record of 5-4. Meanwhile, the Bullets fall to 5-4 and have lost two straight… and now search for a way to regroup and get back in the win column.  

Sleds & Freebirds Rock On in Week Nine:

The Fultondale Freebirds played host to the Fairfield PowerSleds in Week Nine in what was billed as a match-up of Southern Rock vs. Heavy Metal Hair Bands. People thought it would be a clash. But, it was a bash. The Southern Rockers and the Metal Heads had a blast in Fultondale, and reminiscent of past Bucket Parties on the Gardendale-Fultondale line, the cops showed up. But, the police quickly drove off whispering “no harm no foul,” as the party was just getting going. The festivities continued into Sunday’s NFL/BDFL action, and the PowerSleds and Freebirds stood toe-to-toe for almost four quarters. In the end, it was “Jammin’ Jaimie Hand,” that pulled out a vict’ry over the “Mean Machine” and both teams entered the work week with headaches and their ears ringing.  

Cat Fight! – Wildcats and Cheetahs Claw it Out on Big Stage:

Although not known as rockers, the Southside Cheetahs and Western Hills Wildcats stood in front of the spotlights in Week Nine like they were a main act in the old, City Stages of Birmingham. Butch still can’t hear, and Jerry had trouble with the periodic table the next day after this BDFL contest. When the music died down, it became an old-fashioned “cat fight,” between these two aging fantasy football franchises with feline nicknames. It was a big game. Both teams entered with identical records of 4-4, and almost identical point totals (216 vs. 214 or thereabouts). The cat fight was actually over pretty quick, which is typically true with most cat fights, one wins and one runs. The winner in this particular cat fight was the “Sin Wagon,” who came out with the vict’ry over the “James Gang,” 31-19.  

Mayors Up the Ante vs. Gamblers:

The Magic City Mayors are still trying to get on the right track in this - the 30th Anniversary Season in the BDFL. The Gulf Coast Gamblers are trying to figure out if they are contenders or pretenders in 2024. In Week Nine, the Mayors ventured down to the Gulf Coast – or broke away from their golf game – to take on the Dixie Mafia on the mafia’s home turf. The Cronies got out to a fast start taking a lead after the NFL’s Thursday Night Game, so Alan was able to “up the ante,” against the “Real Deal,” when the pair got to the big tables on Sunday afternoon. The plan worked for the Mayors as they were able to stay ahead, make the right moves, protect their stacks when necessary, and ultimately come away with a win, which moved both of these “middle-of-the-road” teams to 4-5 on the season.  

Sloths Subdue daBlitz:

Week Nine featured a game between the defending champion Druid City Blitz and the Sloth Monsters at the yuppie, trendy, outdoor, Kentuck Park on the banks of the Black Warrior River in T-Town. To say that Mukes was uncomfortable would be an understatement. However, the “Son of Slim” prepared ahead of time with some quality time across town at Harry’s Bar. The Bulletin has learned that there was actually a program/service at Harry’s to induct Mukes into the bartender’s hall of fame at the famous tavern along with the late, great, Harry Hammond and Gulf Breeze’s Scott Allen. So, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers were feeling pretty good when they arrived at the stadium for their BDFL game. In this match-up of 3-5 teams, it was daBlitz that started strong, but it was Mukes that came from behind to notch a critical vict’ry, and the Blitz fell to 3-6 and to a serious spot in the upper echelon of the teams with an increased “Pucker Factor.” With that, the Bulletin asks: has anybody seen Woo lately?  

‘Dillos Down Dogs:

The Duncanville Armadillos took a big step toward respectability in Week Nine with a hard-fought, one-point, gut-check vict’ry over the Brookside Dogs. Well, that’s what K.P. is telling himself in the wake of the ‘Dillos 31-30 win over “Mark’s Mutts.” Now, both of these teams are 3-6 on the season and looking up at the rest of the league (and that’s not a slight in regards to the height – or lack thereof – of these two teams nor their head coaches). The Bulletin is reporting that the Dogs did “come up short” in this game of lower division teams. The Bulletin was wrong due to @$$.

Week Nine in the JrBDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

The Lowndes County Labs continue to roll in the Junior League. Milton Hand’s team won the Brother Bowl in the JrBDFL with a blowout win against the Selma Southpaws (Matthew Hand). The Labs remain in first place in the Western Division and added to that status with the highest point total in Week Nine with 149.7 points (illustrating Iron Hand’s inquiry on how do you score fractions in football). Milton and Matthew’s sister (Meredith) and the Benton Butterflies lost by 23 this past weekend, but they continue to stand out amongst 6.3 million people in Metro Atlanta. In the Western Division, the Iron Legs continue to hold onto first place, but are concerned with the recent injury to former Alabama kicker Will Reichard (Minnesota Vikings), who continues to nurse a groin injury, gr-gr-gr groin injury (actually it’s a quad – but, the Bulletin wanted to pay tribute to fictional sports character Sam “Mayday” Malone – whom the Junior Leaguers have probably never heard of).

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