Sleds finish strong – Upset Mayors in Steel City Showdown:

The “regrouping” worked for the Fairfield PowerSleds. After a lackluster performance last week, Mad Jack pulled out all the stops in advance of Week Six in the BDFL. He had extra running, “put your hand on the line!” He even invited in a motivational speaker. “Big John” showed up mid-week to impart some strategy, process-oriented enthusiasm, and old-school motivation. The Sleds then went into Legion Field on Sunday and looked impressive against the Mayors. They looked like the “Mean Machine” teams of old. And, just think… Mad Jack was just about to go to the transfer portal, start his Pony preparations for the off-season, and pray for rain. Instead, the Sleds upset the Magic City Mayors on enemy soil, and in the process, maybe – just maybe – take step one toward saving their 2023 season. As for the Cronies, they are still in the middle of preparations for the upcoming Magic City Classic, and took the loss in stride with the realization that the BDFL season is much more of a marathon than a sprint.  

Bandits bash BioCats – But, fall one point short of an A.W.:

Week Six action in the BDFL witnessed no A.W.’s. But, it certainly wasn’t for a lack of trying. The Altadena Bandits kept their starters in until the very end, but came up short of a shutout and one-point short of an A.W. in a 26-6 rout of the Western Hills Wildcats. Old Barry and his Gene Stallings brand of football, grinded out the win behind a run-first offensive strategy and an 11-man front defense at times. The Bandits hope the win will jump start their season and help them get up into the upper echelon of the BDFL hierarchy. Meanwhile, the Mildcats are having to come to grips with reality, while at the same time, keeping their hands on this week’s “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award.  

Cheetahs continue to roar – Notch OT vict'ry in to move to 6-0:

“They low down, they dirty, they some snitches,” says a famous video of Tennessee Hate Week. And, while that has little or nothing to do with pro football, it is the lead up to the “Third Saturday of October,” this week and both Butch Neal and Chris Hand will be at Bryant-Denny Stadium on Saturday for the annual Tide-Vols showdown. The Bulletin is getting ahead of itself. In Week Six in the BDFL, Butch and the Commissioner played an instant classic, back-and-forth game in fantasy football. When the whistle or gun sounded at the end of regulation, the Southside Cheetahs and the Mineral Springs Grenadiers were tied. In overtime, the Cheetahs roared to vict’ry behind the second step of the BDFL's OT criteria “most total touchdowns” tie-breaker to come up with the win. The outcome improved the Sin Wagon’s record to 6-0 on the season, and one of only two undefeated teams in the BDFL, while the last two teams in the NFL that were undefeated went down to defeat. So, the 1972 Dolphins can celebrate as the only team in NFL hist’ry to go undefeated.  

Bark, Bark, Bark! – Dogs announce 6-0 start:

Springsteen: “Well, the dogs on main street howl, because they understand.” Well, Main Street U.S.A. has nothing on Main Street in Brookside, Alabama. The historic four-way stop, the strip and Wayne’s Place, and on across the Five Mile Creek. If it’s not on your Bucket List, it should be. Just don’t go on a day (or two) after a big vict’ry by the Brookside Dogs. No other BDFL team is more loved by the hometown folks than the Dogs. Mark’s Mutts improved to a perfect 6-0 on the season with a hard-fought, come-from-behind win over the Jugtown Juggernauts. The street in Brookside was blocked for hours, just hours after Monday Night Football (MNF) ended, and the Dogs kept their undefeated streak intact. The ‘Nauts have put the deflating loss behind them, “tell the Commissioner NOT to run the Orange Whattaburger ads this next Saturday at BDS.”  

 Bullets shoot straight – Hold Gamblers to single digits in win:

“I’m your huckleberry,” said Bullet minutes before shooting straight to an impressive 23-8 win against the Gulf Coast Gamblers on the road in Week Six in the BDFL. The Old Bullerino kept up the western theme in the win for the Benton Bullets that featured a little bit of the good, the bad, and the ugly. “You gonna pull those pistols, or whistle Dixie,” said Bullet in his best Clint Eastwood voice on his way out of the Red Neck Riviera with a disposing of the Dixie Mafia. The “good” for the Bullets was a big win and covering the point spread. The “bad” was the way the Gamblers sort of rolled over and played dead instead of standing up for a big High Noon Showdown. And, the “ugly” was Kenny “the Real Deal” Breal scoring in single digits. Bullet couldn’t help but to deliver another line upon leaving town with the “W:” – “Smoke that chuck wagon and see what happens. Throw down. You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed.” – Courtesy Wyatt Earp.  

Freebirds keep Sloths winless:

The Bulletin previously mentioned that two teams are undefeated six weeks into the 2023 season. On the opposite side of that silver dollar is one team that is 0-6. Muke’s Sloth Monsters have yet to win a game. “I don’t own the clothes I’m wearing. And, some old bed, I’ll soon be sharing.” Mukes couldn’t help but turn to some Southern Rock and Blues after losing in Week Six by Six Points to the Freebirds, 25-19. The Bulletin would never kick a man when he’s down, so this publication will turn its attention to the winner of this match-up, and that’s “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand. The Freebirds are pleased with their past performance, but they know that bigger games are ahead if they want to be a serious contender this season in the BDFL.  

Blitz upends Vulcans:

When the “Gritz Blitz” defense begins hitting on all cylinders, you can start chalking up vict’ries for the Druid City Blitz. This past Sunday, with very little production on the offensive side of the football, daBlitz came up with a crucial 16-13 win against the upstart, young, but naïve, North Birmingham Vulcans. The Bulletin is in complete agreement that it was a hard game to watch. Both teams couldn’t really get on the right track on offense. However, both the Blitz and the Vulcans did avoid single digits, and there was some drama with it being a “one-score game,” coming down the stretch. Ultimately, the Blitz was just a little too much for Nic Hand’s Vulcans. Eye witnesses say that it appeared that experience played a role in the final outcome of the game, where the veterans got the win over the rookie.  

‘Dillos dump Bellcows:

In another underwhelming game, the Duncanville Armadillos had just enough in the arsenal to hold off the attacks from the Fieldstown Bellcows, 21-17. K.P. & Company built some ramparts and redoubts reminiscent of the Revolutionary War, or the War of 1812, and it was enough to keep the Bellcows from advancing successfully on the entrenched positions of the ‘Dillos. The strategy worked and the Little Ol' Team from Texas held onto a pivotal vict’ry against the Bell Heads.  

Week Six in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

The season continues to roll on in the Junior League. Milton Hand was “high point man” in Week Six and won a JrBDFL game, and games in both of his “other leagues.” Matthew Hand got a tiny measure of revenge for last year’s championship game with a vict'ry over fellow “net man” and roommate, Hayden Roberts. Details on the outcome for the rest of the Junior League was a little sketchy. The others in the league that The Bulletin knows about are Jackson Barnes, Ben Hand, McCain Bergeron, Wilks Chittom, Wade Mason, Jacob Wood, not sure about Walker Stephenson, Jacob Burr, and Dalton Dismukes, and Meredith Hand – who lost by 40-something points in Week Six. Participation ribbons will be available at season’s end for all players and select helicopter parents.  

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 5: The Roommates – Part 1.

Aight. The 4th Hand Brother Feature in this issue falls to the roommate section of the 1980s. We’ll start with Mr. Mark Burr because he was a roommate to all three of the Hand Brothers, beginning with Chris at Stadium Apartments before Bates Manor, then Bullet, and Jaimie. However, before that… being in close proximity growing up in Brookside with the Slovensky’s, Dog had an insight to that side of the family and was familiar with Slovensky Uncles: Phil, Jimmy, Ronnie, and Donald. Even though Dog lived on “the other side of the tracks,” – literally – he was probably better off hanging out with the Hands than the Slovensky’s. Also, Dog was around for a good portion of little league baseball at Moncrief Park, being the nephew of “Uncle Ray” Fields, who was in the gang with Donald Hand and the rest of “Ball Park Dads.” The Bulletin has also learned that Dog has previously been named an Honorary O’Toole and an Honorary Woosier Brother.