Mayors on a Roll – Dominate the Sleds in Fairfield:

The Magic City Mayors are on a roll in 2022. The defending BDFL Champions have dominated thus far this season. In Week 12 of the current season, the Fairfield PowerSleds were the latest victims for the Cronies to roll out like shag carpet, spread out like cream cheese, and escort to the proverbial woodshed. This one was never close, never in doubt, and never competitive. Mayor Arrington’s red-tape, pencil-pushing bureaucrats shoved around the Sleds like they were a reindeer sleight on a snowy embankment behind Legion Field, even though the game took place in Fairfield. The homestanding Sledheads were leaving in droves at halftime. They were getting outta the cold and looking for a rock to hide behind. Meanwhile, the Mayors continue to lay it on and roll it up until the game reached blow-out proportions. Even the final score of Mayors 44 – PowerSleds 26, did not adequately capture how big of a whippin’ this was in the annals of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Mayors actually don’t have the best record in the BDFL, but they do have the highest point total, and are the favorites at this point to capture the number one seed in the playoffs. The Sleds are reeling and either planning to go back to “square one,” or back to the “drawing board,” and those options were not completely clear to The Bulletin staff at press time.

Cheetahs Claw Commissioner:

The best record in the BDFL belongs to the Southside Cheetahs. Butch Neal’s Sin Wagon became the first team this season to hit double digits in vict’ries. The Cheetahs notched win number 10 of 2022 against The Commissioner and his Mineral Springs Grenadiers. It wasn’t easy for the Cheetahs, but it was fun. The final score from George Ward Park was Cheetahs 38, Grenadiers 20. It was close to an A.W. However, it was not an A.W. In addition to boosting Butch’s record to 10-2, the win and the points earned in Week 12, “unofficially” puts the Cheetahs in the second overall points scored category (pending approval through the @$$ system of tabulations). For The Commissioner, the loss drops his team to 5-7 on the season, and seemingly one loss away from elimination under the controversial “Bullet Rule.” So, look out from here on out… because Old Iron’s pucker factor is at maximum (and Doc Guffin Jr. is in Orlando).

Bullets Dodge Bullet – Upset Dogs in Snoozer:

Both the Brookside Dogs and the Benton Bullets left running backs on the bench in Week 12 that scored touchdowns that would have made a difference in the outcome. So, it evened out. The Bullets also finally caught a break and pulled a big upset against Mark’s Mutts at Brookside Ballpark on the banks of the Five Mile Creek. Power brokers behind the scenes are looking at pushing through fantasy football legislation that will temporarily suspend the “Bullet Rule,” making possible for teams with a 7-8 record to get to the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). It’s a long shot, but several teams are maneuvering and others are flat out begging. At any rate, the Benton Bullets are just thrilled to pick up a vict’ry, especially at the expense of the Dogs and their rabid fans.

Armadillos Win Again – Outscoring the Bellcows on the Road:

The Duncanville Armadillos appear to be a virtual lock for the BDCS. The “Little Ol’ Team from Texas,” by way of Charlottle, NC, continue to roll up wins in the BDFL, circa 2022. This past weekend, K.P. & Company caught little resistance from the Fieldstown Bellcows. In fact, it looked like the Bellcows rolled over and played dead, falling on the side of the road, and swelling up to three-times their normal size, like rigor mortis had set in on the heifers. It was unsightly. David Belrose’s season also appears to be dead on the side of the road. Their point total is low, and they’ve clinched a losing regular season with loss number eight. Belrose’s name can be found on the petition to suspend the Bullet Rule for a year, but the Bellcows are probably out of it, irregardless.

Bandits Outrun Blitz:

Barry’s Smokey and the Bandits “side-show” has been entertaining this season. The iconic Black Trans Am with the T-Tops and the Eagle on the hood have been blowing up and down Southern side roads, kicking up dust and causing cops to cuss. In Week 12 in the BDFL, the Bandits had the Druid City Blitz frustrated. This game went back-and-forth kinda like a real, old-fashioned car chase. Barry’s Bandits were unstoppable on the dirt road and pastures, but the Gritz Blitz was able to make up time on the four-lanes. It was close all the way to the checkered flag. But, when the Bandits and the Blitz crossed the finish line, it was Barry who took home a vict’ry, and Jerry who suffered the agony of defeat.

Sloth Monsters Slink Past Nauts:

Mistake Number One by the Jugtown Juggernauts was agreeing to play in Tuscaloosa on the front lot near the railroad tracks at Harry’s Bar. Allyson figured she’d be in T-Town anyway for the Iron Bowl, so what the heck – advantage Mukes. The Second Mistake in this Week 12 BDFL match-up by the Jugtown Juggernauts was underestimating her opponent on an over-capacity weekend in Tuscaloosa. Those two factors were enough to add up to a 20-16 win for the Sloth Monsters and a big weekend for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers and their fans.

Freebirds Edge Gamblers:

The final score read: Freebirds 27 – Gamblers 18. Kenny Breal was also in town for the Iron Bowl. He also decided to stick around until Sunday and face the Freebirds on what he thought was neutral territory in T-Town. But, the V-91 legend, Jammin’ Jaimie Hand, showed up and showed out. The Dixie Mafia may have had the best seats on Saturday at Bryant-Denny Stadium, down in the legendary Section L, while Old Bocephus was up in the cheap seats. But, it added up to an “L” for the Real Deal. The Old D.J., turned Wooden Warrior, turned Classic Rock aficionado – still referred to as Jammin’ Jaimie was too much for the Gamblers when all the money was pushed to the center of the table, and all the cards were turned over. Gotta give Cousin Steve and assist on this one since he was seen again at BDS in a black Skynyrd cap.

Blue Deacons and Wildcats Arm Grab and Tiddy Bump in BDFL Embarrassment:

The Bulletin can’t write much about this one. It was that bad. However, it did feature an 11^th-hour reprieve. The Western Hills Wildcats appeared done and gone. The “James Gang” trailed 9-6 until the wee hours of Week 12, and then a strange thing happened on the way to a loss for the Mildcats. They became wild. The Wildcats rallied late on Monday Night Football (MNF) and pulled out an upset over the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS). Don’t jump to conclusions, it was a horrible game featuring a lot of grab @$$ing, arm grabbing, and tiddy bumping. Both A.B. and J.J. complained about the refs and demonstrated poor clock management and acted like a bunch of kids, and in the BDFL it’s not all about the kids.

Week 12 in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

Back on Week Five, The Bulletin reported on “the crying and gnashing of teeth at Martha Parham Hall on the campus of the University of Alabama.” Freshman Matthew Hand had lost his first five games to start out 0-5 in the JrBDFL. He was despondent. Fast forward to Week 12, and Matthew’s Selma Southpaws have rebounded by winning 7-straight games, and are now back in solid contention in the Junior League. Elsewhere in the JrBDFL, Milton Hand was defeated by the IronLegs and Meredith’s game was too close to call at press time. Here are the contenders in the Junior League: Hayden Roberts, Wade Mason, Ethan Arrington, Wilks Chittom, followed by the pretenders: Meredith, Matthew, Milton, Ben Hand, Jacob Wood, Walker Stephenson, Jackson Barnes, and McCain Bergeron.