A Bullets Continue Quest – Upset Heavily Favored Cheetahs:

The BDFL has never seen anything like it. The Benton Bullets are continuing one of the most brilliant and improbable stretch runs in fantasy football hist’ry, and overall sports in general. The Quest by the Bullets is due in part to a General Amnesty, but also to factors that can hardly be fathomed – factors and fate and karma. The Benton Bullets the namesake of the “Bullet Rule,” established punitively to punish the Bullets after their 1997 title – had the Black Belt team – not in the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). However, not enough teams finished the 2022 season over .500, and the Bullets were there to take advantage under the loophole, or amnesty, or “Bullet Stipulation,” BS Rule. Now, onto Round One of the BDCS, where the 7th seeded Bullets faced the 2nd seeded Southside Cheetahs. Of course, the Bullets had to play without their #1 scorer – QB Jalen Hurts – who was hurt. The Sin Wagon rolled to an early 18-6 lead over the Bullets, and it looked as if the Bullets didn’t belong. Twelve of the NFL’s 16-games took place before Sunday, Christmas Day. But, the never-say-die Bullets battled to the end. In a Christmas Miracle, the Bullets rallied to score 27-points – all in one NFL game - and outlast Butch Neal’s felines in an instant classic, 36-33. The Cheetahs even got an 85-yard defensive TD “in the same game,” but the Bullets overcame, adapted, and triumphed and survived and advanced in the BDCS.  

Mayors Maul Fake Team in Round One:

The Magic City Mayors have had back-to-back magical seasons. Hocus pocus and wow… the Mayors won the BDFL Championship last season with a great playoff run and an even better performance in the Big Daddy Bowl. In 2022, the Cronies have ran the table from A-to-Z, basically going wire-to-wire, with the most points in the league. With the post-season anomalies in the BDFL this season, the Mayors were matched up with the Neanderthals in Round One of the Big Dance. With no film to study and no tendencies to review, Mayor Arrington just told his team to “kick @$$,” and that’s exactly what they did. The Mayors walloped the Neanderthals 35-17 in the BDCS. The Cronies remain the team to beat in the BDCS as the attention of the league moves to the semi-finals as the calendar turns from 2022 to 2023. “Do you believe in magic?” Can the Mayors repeat? Those questions will be answered and answered soon.  

‘Naut Today - ‘Dillos Dominated by Team A.E.:

The only A.W. in either the BDCS or the Big Mullet in the opening, quarter-final round, came in the match-up between the Jugtown Juggernauts and the Duncanville Armadillos. The ‘Nauts opened a can on the ‘Dillos. Upon further review, it was a 55-gallon, industrial-sized drum of whoop-@$$. Allyson and her fired up Juggernauts ran over around and through K.P.’s little team from Texas, 40-18. Luckily, the ‘Dillos have already made holiday plans for Week 17 in the BDFL (and NFL) down in New Orleans to re-group prior to Round Two. Prewitt kinda jinxed himself by not going to see the Carolina Panthers in person – after The Bulletin reported he would be in attendance – and that upset the natural order of things. Meanwhile, the ‘Nauts have served notice that they will be a tough opponent in any game played in this year’s post-season in the BDFL.  

Dogs Upset by Sloths:

The Brookside Dogs had an impressive 2022 come to a screeching halt in the First Round of the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). The team that slammed the brakes on the Dogs was none other than Mike Dismukes’ beloved Sloth Monsters. The Three Toed Tree Dwellers picked the prime opportunity to play one of their best games of the season. Muke’s Monsters overcame a lot of adversity to knock off Mark’s Mutts in a one-score game, by the final score of 34-27. Dog was despondent after the loss. The former Super Banker turned rubber tycoon, couldn’t believe that has Dogs came up short (no offense) in the opening round of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Mukes will soar into the next round with momentum, moxie, and a real belief that – despite not having plausible thumbs – they can climb to the very summit of the BDFL.  

Meanwhile in the Mullet…

The Druid City Blitz has advanced with a bye in Round One, but the most impressive team on the field was the Gulf Coast Gamblers. The Dixie Mafia beat the Bandits 29-18 in Week 16 action in the BDFL. Elsewhere, the Fieldstown Bellcows upset the Fairfield PowerSleds by the final score of 28-14 in the opening round of the Big Mullet Series. In another upset, the Western Hills Wildcats upended the Mineral Springs Grenadiers with a late field goal, and despite having “my worst ever BDFL team,” (said Jaimie Hand) the Fultondale Freebirds butchered the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) 15-7. The Blue Deacons may have lost, but they won the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award, as the only team to score in single digits over the Christmas weekend in the NFL/BDFL.  

Week 16 in the Junior League – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Championship Game has been set in the JrBDFL. It will be the Little League teammates, the former Morgan Academy football and baseball teammates, the freshman roomies, and the partners on the All State net crew at Bryant-Denny Stadium. That’s right, Matthew Hand and Hayden Roberts will battle (over the next two weeks) for the Championship of the Junior League. Hayden is the defending champion and still branishes the trophy in his dorm room in Martha Parham Hall. On the other side of the field, Matthew’s Selma Southpaws are undefeated after beginning the season at 0-5. Matthew is going for his first ever title after losing in the Championship Game on multiple occasions.