A.W.’s abound in Week Four – With Armadillos leading the way:

A trio of A.W.’s (vict’ries by 21 or more points) dot the BDFL landscape to highlight Week Four in the fantasy football universe. At the top of the list is the Duncanville Armadillos. K.P.’s team got away from the college football mascots and the aliens just long enough to put up 63-points in route to a rout of the Druid City Blitz. Jerry Fritz can blame his defense, he can blame the fans, or he can place the blame on the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM). The Gritz Blitz scored enough points to defeat ten teams this past weekend. They tallied 31. However, they still absorbed an A.W. The ‘Dillos were practically giddy with the Top Gun effort and the big A.W., and to celebrate, K.P. is already working out a trip to Tuscaloosa to check out the Tide, pose for selfies, sign autographs, and work out the financial windfall details of his recent Always Alabama recognition, contract, and collective bargaining.  

Mayors score 60 – Put A.W. on young, but naïve Vulcans:

A perfectly good start to Nic Hand’s BDFL career was “shot to hell,” in Week Four. The young, but naïve North Birmingham Vulcans began the season with three straight wins, but they met the two-time, defending champions this past Sunday. The results were horrific for the Vulcans. The Magic City Mayors hammered the Vulcans with their own hammer and sickled the youngsters to the tune of 60-18. It was the first loss for Nic, and the first A.W. for the rookie. He really didn’t know how to react. As for Mayor Arrington and his City Council, they took the vict’ry in stride with the realization that the season is more of a marathon than a sprint.  

Bullets shoot out the lights – Put A.W. on Sloths:

The Benton Bullets jumped on the Sloth Monsters early and then continued to pour it on in adding to this week’s total of A.W.’s. The final score from the banks of the Alabama River in the sleepy little town of Benton (pop. 41) was 44-11, but it really wasn’t that close. With the vict’ry, the Bullets evened their record at 2-2 on the season after having early season struggles – not with other BDFL teams – but with the ol' proverbial Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM). Mukes’ season is hanging by a thread even in the early going, but the Three-Toed Tree Dwellers will do their best to try to climb out of the primordial ooze, get up in the trees, and let fictional evolution take its course.  

Dogs bark and bite and outscore Gamblers:

The Beau Rivage took on a Brookside flavor as the weekend wore on, and when the final score was finally posted on the Sports Book Big Screen, there was an eruption. Mark’s Mutts had made Dog’s parlay hit and hit big. He got the win, easily covered the spread on the road, and hit on the “over.” Anyone else would have bought drinks for the house, but the once former Super Banker “squirreled away” his cash for another day. The Gulf Coast Gamblers, who took it on the chin, were embarrassed by the loss and immediately called a family meeting. The Dixie Mafia quickly offered the Brookside Dogs’ fans complimentary rooms and match-play chips to begin recouping some of their losses at the tables, slots, and wheel of fortune.  

Bandits slip past Sleds:

A couple of one-point games took place in Week Four to put some drama in the slate. The Altadena Bandits and the Fairfield PowerSleds had difficulty with their offenses this past weekend, but that did not take away for the effort from Barry or Jack’s teams. The low-scoring affair also featured turnovers, penalties, and missed opportunities on both sides, and when the clock finally hit 0:00, it was the Bandits slipping past the Sleds, 14-13.  

Freebirds notch one point win over Wildcats:

Lots of drama added to bad football at Fair Park ended with a 17-16 vict’ry by the Black Creek Freebirds over the Western Hills Wildcats. Hime Hand and his contingent were more than happy to escape with a vict’ry even though it wasn’t pretty, and the “James Gang” continues to reap their preparation, skill, guile, and cunning from a draft night that they hope will pay dividends later in the season, but as for now… it’s just helping the Mildcats pile up losses.  

Bomb Squad bombs vs. Bra Burners:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers bombed in their Week Four game. The Commissioner’s team scored enough to beat the previous Four Teams featured in The Bulletin. Old Iron’s squad had 19-points, but that just meant that they had 10 too few to defeat the Jugtown Juggernauts. The final score was 29-19, and Allyson was pleased with her team’s effort from the kickoff until the final gun. “Well, it’s always good to represent the rank and file against the front office,” said Allyson. “It’s always good to get a win and build for next week and the remainder of the season.” Meanwhile, the Commissioner is looking to regroup and figure out a plan especially when he can’t blame the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM) because he is “one in the same.”  

Cheetahs roar – Bash the Bellcows:

The more things change the more they stay the same. You got man and you got machine. The cream always rises to the top. The Southside Cheetahs improved to 4-0 on the season by outscoring the Fieldstown Bellcows 37-28 in Week Four. The Sin Wagon just continues to roll whether they have a loaded roster, or a bunch of over-achievers. For the vanquished Bellcows, Belrose is at a loss. His team scored 28, but still lost, and fell to 1-3 on the season. Old Bell Head is just hoping things will turn around for his team as the calendar flips from September to October, and the weather gets a little cooler… either that or look for some wholesale changes.  

Week Four in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

The season continues to roll on in the Junior League. Milton Hand was “high point man” in Week Four and outscoring Jacob Wood, who happened to have the bad luck of being 2nd in points for the week, but matched against the wrong team, and taking the brunt of the JrBDFL’s, ESPN.com, random schedule maker. There was whining coming from Lee County and T-Town, as Meredith Hand and Matthew Hand also took it on the chin this past weekend.  

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 3: Or Tommy Kinney – Part 2.

The Bulletin didn’t have enough room to complete the “Tommy Kinney” as the 4th Hand Brother. So, here’s more on Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie’s first cousin: Tommy Kinney was part of the GHS Class of 1982 with Barry, Dog, Mukes, Allyson, and Jaimie. He was an offensive lineman for the Rockets. We told you all of that last week. He was a lot more rebellious than the Hand Brothers, but growing up down the street, he was right with them for years and years. Just before he got his driver’s license, he raced his Dad’s old Ford against Bullet in the Hand family, vintage 1963 Chevy down in Mineral Springs. Bullet won the drag race, but Tommy gave it his all, ramping on the embankment across the railroad tracks (which was the finish line). Bullet also accompanied T.K. to Carraway Hospital when he broke an ankle. And, only a “brother” would pull off another person’s jock strap.! After nurses cut off his football pants, Tommy was adamant that they not cut his new Bike jock. So… Bullet did the dirty work and also snuck T.K. a Mountain Dew against nurses’ orders. So, standby in Week Five for the next candidate for the 4th Hand Brother feature… and if you even went willingly with the Hand Boys, or just got stuck with them… drop The Bulletin an email with details, because we might not remember.