The more things change – The more they stay the same:

Donald K. Hand calls it $#!&-pot luck. Let’s say you are going from Gardendale to Tuscaloosa for a Candy Sampling Convention, but you get behind gridlock (traffic jam) in Bessemer – through no fault on your own – that you miss the CS Convention. That’s a homogenized version of $#!&-pot luck. The middle son of D.K. experience that form of back fortune in the opening week of the season. The Benton Bullets battled back from an early 6-0 deficit on Thursday Night, and all thru Sunday afternoon to forge a 21-21 tie against the Druid City Blitz. The Old Bullerino had two players going on Monday Night Football (MNF), and the Gritz Blitz only had a defense playing Sunday Night. But the Cowboys “D” and Special Teams came up big for Jerome Fritz. They scored 18. So, when Bullet’s players came through on MNF it was too little, too late, as the Blitz defeated Bullets 39-31. “The Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM) got me again,” said Bullet. The Bentonites would have defeated all but 2-teams in the BDFL in Week One… but, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Mayors come out strong:

The defending BDFL Champs avoided the fate of the defending NFL champs. The Magic City Mayors dodged an opening night defeat unlike the Kansas City Chiefs, who lost at home to the Detroit Lions by one point. Arrington’s team opened an early lead and held on to a 25-23 win against the Sloth Monsters. Muke’s team put up a respectable performance in their first game of the season, but the Three Toed Tree Dwellers fell 2-points short of vict’ry. Watch out for the Cronies this season as they look like one of the teams to beat after just one week of BDFL action in 2023.

Toilet Seat Award goes to the Duncanville Armadillos – Choke vs. Newbies:

Old Kurt Prewitt looked old and slow in the opener. To add embarrassment to injury, the Duncanville Armadillos earned the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award by just scoring single digits. And, not to pile on… but, to make matters worse for the ‘Dillos – they lost to the North Birmingham Vulcans 16-3, in the debut for Nic Hand. Nic is the first “second generation” owner and operator in the BDFL, and his Vulcans notched a vict’ry in their first game in the league. K.P. was relatively despondent after the game facing ridicule from the rank and file in the BDFL and from his friends in Texas who are fans of the Longhorns.

Mildcats embarrassed by ‘Nauts:

The other team in single digits in Week One of BDFL action was the Western Hills Wildcats. The “James Gang” looked horrible in the opener and were defeated by the Jugtown Juggernauts, 21-6. Jerry made a cameo at the Miller Genuine Draft, just long enough for everyone to realize his overall value to the league. Meanwhile, A.E.’s ‘Nauts were glad to draw the Mildcats in the opener and pleased to start out with a lopsided win to jump start her Bra Burners on a course that they hold will end with a win in the Big Daddy Bowl and a chance to hoist the Grand Daddy Trophy.

Dogs hammer Bellcows:

The Bellcows also only scored 6-points, and were soundly defeated by the Brookside Dogs. Between the draft and the opening of the season, Belrose went to France and apparently picked up some of the defeatist mentality of the French, who most remember, walked away from Paris instead of defending the city, and also refused to counter attack. The good, old, USA bailed them out, and now they all act aloof. At any rate, the increased passivism cost the Bellcows this past weekend as the Dogs trounced them, 25-6. Marks Mutts served notice that they will be a team to be reckoned with in the BDFL in 2023… Wayne’s Place… on Main Street in Brookside… was still rocking at press time.

Cheetahs Defeat Powersleds by Four:

Old stogies were fired up by Grandfather Butch after his beloved Cheetahs came from behind to defeat the Fairfield Cheetahs, 23-19. Close games often come down to coaching and the main Cheetah Man made all the right calls down the stretch to help the Sin Wagon roll past the Sleds that looked like they were driving on one flat tire all day Sunday afternoon. The bottom line is that the Cheetahs start out 1-0, and the Sleds stumble out of the gate at 0-1 by blowing a game they could have won.

Brother Bowl Close – Tighter that Dick’s Hat Band:

In the first “Brother Bowl” of the season, Jaimie Hand edged Chris Hand 22-21, in a game marred by bad calls, bad officiating, bad luck, and bad@$$es. The game ebbed and flowed. It was a see-saw affair. It was a carnival atmosphere and Hime Hand’s team was able to handle the distractions just a little bit better than the Commissioner. This may put the Freebirds back on the $#!&-List. However, Old Bocephus is comfortable on that list as the top “thorn in the side” of the Commissioner. As for his product on the field, Iron Hand is going to have to do a better job of motivating his team if he wants to be a contender in 2023.