Mayors Manifest Muscle - Maul Bishops on Mt. High:

A Clear Top Four is in place in the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL) at the close of the regular season. All four have winning records and appear at the top of the Total Points Standings. All four also won their games in Week 15. (Check that: The Dogs actually lost to daBlitz following a correction in @$$, but the Dogs are a “Top Dog.”) At the top of the heap in the Total Points category is the Magic City Mayors. The Cronies ventured up to Blount County this past weekend to battle the Mt. High Blue Deacons. Bishop and his Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) kept it close for a little while and at least put up a little fight against the BDFL Defending Champions. But, as the 4th quarter rolled around, the Mayors rolled away from the Blue Deacons and recorded a solid vict’ry. The Mayors will now advance to the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS) where they will be one of the “odds on” favorites to capture the 2022 BDFL Title.  

Cheetahs Slaughter Sloths:

Another one of the Top Contenders in 2022 are the Southside Cheetahs. Butch Neal’s Sin Wagon has been rolling all year and they didn’t check up in the final week of the regular season. The Cheetahs rolled all over the Sloth Monsters by the final score of 38-20. Butch has had a clear cut strategy this year and it involved jumping on the opponent early and often and giving them any hope of contending, competing, or winning. Muke’s Three Toed Tree Dwellers really didn’t know what hit them and by the time they figured it out, it was too late. The Sloths took the “L” but are looking forward to the post-season where they hope to make some noise and pull off some upsets.  

‘Dillos Dominate Gamblers:

The Duncanville Armadillos will be dancing through the holidays. K.P.’s kids capped a solid regular season with a dominating performance over the Gulf Coast Gamblers. In Week 15, the ‘Dillos opened up an industrial-sized can of whoop-@$$, and poured it all over the Dixie Mafia. Prewitt’s old high school team in Texas – the Duncanville Panthers – also brought home a state championship with an undefeated season. So, things are looking rosy for KP, who plans to attend the Carolina Panthers game on Christmas Eve to get his post-season started for the ‘Dillos, followed by a New Year’s trip to the Big Easy to hopefully see the Tide roll in the Big Easy. The Gamblers 33-14 loss to the ‘Dillos in Week 15 ends a glooming regular season for Kenny Breal, but his team will probably get some life in a return to the Gulf Coast for the annual Big Mullet Series (BMS). The Armadillos close the regular season with an impressive 10-5 record, good for third overall in the BDFL and a claim to the top spot in the Rugged Red Neck Division. Actually, the Dillos did NOT get the Top Points Spot in the Red Neck Division – that went to the Bullets after a fantastic finish – more details/fodder on that below in the award-winning Bulletin.

Dogs Upset by DaBlitz:

The Brookside Dogs will finish with an 11-4 record, and with an impressive third seed in the BDCS, after completing the regular season with the third-highest point total. However, all did not go as planned in Week 15 for Mark’s Mutts. The Druid City Blitz came off the canvas to deal fits to the Dogs in a thrilling game that went back-and-forth with multiple lead changes, momentum swings, and hot dog venders running out of wieners, buns, and condiments. That’s right, spectators at the Blitz vs. Dogs game could not get a hot dog in the 4th quarter. For the Fritz Gritz Blitz faithful it was a minor inconvenience as they were just glad to put up a fight that the Dogs finally pulled away with on Monday Night, by a final score of 34-27. With the loss,  Da Blitz misses the general amnesty and apparently misses the Big Mullet Series (BMS) as they drop into some sort of limbo for the post-season. EDITOR'S NOTE: Da Blitz will compete in the 2022 Big Mullet Series, but will receive a bye in the first round of the BMS for coming in second in Total Amnesty Points (TAPs).

Bullets Continue to Charge Down the Stretch – Mount Comeback to Beat Bandits:

The most intriguing story “down the stretch” in the BDFL, had to be the plight of the Benton Bullets. As one of the more polarizing franchises in all of fantasy football, the Bullets ironically stood in the “crosshairs” of one the most controversial decisions in BDFL his’try. But, the old, venerable, Bullet would not step back and he would not back down. In trying to overcome the shackles of the 25-year-old “Bullet Rule,” the Bentonites begged and battled tooth-and-nail toward the end of the regular season to amass as many wins as possible and as many points as needed to state their case for the Big Dance. Former roommate, Barry K. Stephenson, and his Altadena Bandits stood squarely in the way of the Bullets. The Bandits needed just one win to get over .500 to that Promised Land of 8-7. As Week 15 dawned on a Thursday, Barry’s team surged to an early 9-0 lead, and pushed that margin to 12-0 at one point. But, the Bullets fired back. The Bullerino continued to “throw lead” like a teenager playing Gallaga at Big Fag's back in the 1980s. The Bullets almost exhausted their ammo, but they had hit the target enough to muster a classic, come-from-behind 41-16 vict’ry in unlikely fashion. In fact, after Monday Night Football (MNF), the Bullets had actually notched an epic A.W., and surged to the Top of the Red Neck Division in Total Points. Bullet’s win set cyberspace on fire. In an unusual turn of events, only six (6) BDFL teams ended up with winning records in the regular season, so an epic decision faced Iron Hand – the long-time and only Commissioner of the BDFL. More to come… and, on Tuesday morning the streets of Benton were closed – like Argentina (and the World Cup celebration) – as the Front Office announced that the Bullets would qualify for the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS). You can’t make that stuff up.  

Nauts Nip Commish:

The Jugtown Juggernauts felt pretty confident going into the final weekend of the regular season. Allyson’s ‘Nauts had locked up a “winning record,” and had a decent Total Points mark to appear to be a lock for the BDCS. That confidence spilled out onto the gridiron in their match-up with the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. The game turned out to be somewhat of a “score-a-thon” and the ‘Nauts were lucky enough to have the ball last and escape with a “nail-biting” 34-31 vict’ry over the Commissioner.  

Sleds Clobber Cats:

“Oh my goodness,” exclaimed a fan in almost utter horror as the Fairfield PowerSleds kept pouring it on over the over-matched Western Hills Wildcats. “Old roomies shouldn’t treat each other like that,” was another phrase overheard in the post-game hysteria. However, it appears as though the Sledheads emptied out a season of frustration all over the unsuspecting BioCats. It turned out to be an overwhelming A.W. for the “Mean Machine,” as Mad Jack’s gear-jammers hammered the “James Gang,” 48-16.  

Freebirds Fly Into Bellcows Trap:

Like a “praying mantis” the Fieldstown Bellcows set out a trap for the Fultondale Freebirds. It worked to perfection, luring in Jammin Jaimie Hand, and then slamming the top (door) shut in the Battle of Black Creek/Coalburg. These teams are headed to the Big Mullet Series (BMS), where they hope to redeem their seasons somewhat with some wins and some holiday cheer. The final score between the Bellcows and F’Birds was 19-13 in favor of the Bellcws. Both teams were apparently preoccupied with trying to bring up BDFL rank and file legislation that was strickly B.S. The Bulletin learned that their so-called “Bullet Stipulation,” should be passed and adopted by The Commissioner to keep the Bullets out of the BDCS. Iron made the correct decision regarding the post-season, and the “B.S.” bill and assorted amendments never made it out of committee. Brace yourselves for the Big Mullet Series and the Big Daddy Championship Series. “Let’s see how he (Bullet) does in the playoffs without Jalen Hurts,” was a comment recorded by The Bulletin.  

Week 15 in the Junior League – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Final Four have already started battling in the JrBDFL. Under the cyberspace ESPN umbrella, the Junior League has the semi-finals and finals in two-week increments. Wade Mason and his IronLegs are battling Matthew Hand’s Selma Southpaws on one side of the bracket, and on the other side the Benton Butterflies (Meredith Hand) are taking on the defending champs led by Hayden Roberts. (Roberts gain notoriety in the fall as Matthew’s roommate and as a member of the Allstate Net Squad at Bryant-Denny Stadium.) The competition has been tight in the Final Four, but the outcomes and the two qualifiers for the Championship Game will not be decided until the NFL games over the Christmas Weekend. So, stay tuned, it should be worth the price of admission.