The Bulletin

All ages shapes and sizes were seen and heard at Bullet's 60th Birthday Party

Brookside Dogs Barking Loud – Biting Too:

In the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL) in Week Eleven, the Brookside Dogs barked loud and bit hard. Mark’s Mutts gnarled and clawed in a “dog fight,” with the Mt. High Blue Deacons. It all paid off for the Dogs as they defeated the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) by a final score of 49-31. The mongrels from Brookside were fired up after attending Bullet’s Big 60th Birthday Party on Hand Lane in Fieldstown. The Bishops, who stayed away to make a profit, were a victim of bad karma, and lost despite scoring a good amount of points. “It’s not an A.W.,” said Bishop, “it just feels like one.” Fittingly, Dog’s win earned him the “Top Dog of the Week,” award.  

Magic City Mayors Ring Bellcows Neck:

David Belrose tailgated with the Hand Brothers in T-Town, and attended the gala festivities known at Bullet’s 60th Birthday Party, and his Bellcows still lost this past weekend. In fact, the Magic City Mayors rung the necks of the Bellcows in a game that was never close, and Belrose could not successfully ring their beloved cow bells. Arrington’s Cronies scored early and often in Week Eleven on their way to a rout at the Old Grey Lady, known as Legion Field, once home to the Birmingham Americans and Vulcans (WFL 1970s), Birmingham Stallions (USFL – the original – 1980s), Birmingham Barracudas (CFL), and Birmingham Fire (World League), Birmingham Bolts (XFL), and Birmingham Iron (Alliance).  

Nauts Rally Late – Upend Bullets:

The Benton Bullets entered Week Eleven in the BDFL with their backs against the wall and their team “pucker factor” at maximum. The newly elevated 60-year-old Bullet rallied with a big output, scoring 35-points and feeling pretty good about their chances of staying alive and getting a vict’ry. However, Allyson and her Jugtown Juggernauts are the ones that “maxed out.” The leader of the ‘Nauts moved down to Section L in Bryant Denny Stadium to visit the Hands, then she attended the aforementioned birthday party, and she went the extra mile presenting the patriarch – Donald K. Hand – with about the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels that money can buy. And, even though the Bullets ran out to a big lead over the ‘Nauts, A.E. was able to rally and escape with a big 39-35 vict’ry over the Benton Bullets. The Dreaded Schedule Maker abused the Bullets all season, and now the Bullets are eliminated from the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS) this season under the – you guessed it – “Bullet Rule.”

Barry’s Bandits Flex vs. Freebirds:

“We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there,” said Barry, quoting from the Smokey and the Bandit theme song in his pre-game speech and it paid off as the Altadena Bandits flexed their muscles in a 36-18 win against the Black Creek Freebirds. The Bandits made it a long way to the end zone, and it a relatively short time, in a 60-minute football game, and limited Hime Hand from getting to pay dirt, and when the dust settled at Byrd Municipal Park in Fultondale, the Bandits were on top. Both teams banded together after the game to visit the nearby Hooten’s to discuss football, politics, and rock and roll.  

Sleds Slam Sloths:

The Three Toed Tree Dwellers loaded up the white Grenada with the Yellow Canoe tied on Top, picked up Albert, stopped by Mike’s to get a couple cases of ponies, and headed to Fairfield. They had to stop in Ensley to re-supply and get a choke and puke. Then, and only then, did the Sloth Monsters make it to Fairfield to battle the PowerSleds. After the coin flip, national anthem, and fly over… this one turned into a bare-knuckled brawl. The Sloths and Mean Machine swapped haymakers, jabs, and upper-cuts. Mad Jack landed more punches against the Sloths and it paid off on the judges card at the end of this 15-round thriller. The Sloth Monsters claimed a 34-29 come from behind vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters. “We couldn't win, much less cover the 2-and-a-half,” said Mukes, who apparently had loaded up on this own team.  

Blitz Falls to the Cheetahs in See-Saw Affair:

Jerry Fritz walked into the party like he was walking onto a yacht. His hat strategically dipped below one eye, and his scarf – it was apricot. He had one eye in the mirror, as he watched himself go by. The second “Jerome” at the gala made quite an impression. Fritz held his own with the Hands, Slovenskys and the Gardendale gang. It looked like it was going to be a harbinger of good things to come on Sunday in the BDFL. The Gritz Blitz actually took an early lead against the Southside Cheetahs. But, the game evolved into a back-and-forth, or up-and-down, see-saw affair, and when the final horn sounded, the Sin Wagon was rolling toward to the playoffs with another win (24-15), while the Druid City Blitz was wondering what went wrong with the game plan, strategy, and execution in Week Eleven in fantasy football.

Commissioner Edged by Armadillos:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers lost a close one this past weekend to the Duncanville Armadillos. It was a stirring vict’ry by the ‘Dillos and a crushing defeat for the Commissioner. Neither team could take advantage of the other team being unable to score at least 20-points. It was ineptitude versus inadequacy. In the final analysis, the “Little Ol’ Team from Texas” had just enough spunk to close strong and hold off the Grenadiers by one, 19-18.  

Another 19 – Gamblers Triumph over Mildcats:

In Blackjack, “19” is a good hand, and a must hand to “hold on.” That’s exactly what the Gamblers did in Week Eleven, when they dealt themselves that number. They held. Meanwhile, no one knows what the Western Hills Wildcats were doing. The “James Gang” was lethargic from beginning to end and only managed to score 7-points in their defeat. While the Dixie Mafia celebrated a vict’ry, the Mildcats could only claim one prize this past weekend in the BDFL. For their ineptitude, the ‘Cats took home the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.”  

Meanwhile in the JrBDFL:

“It’s all about the kids,” said JrBDFL Commissioner, Matthew Hand. All of the Hands of Benton are home for Thanksgiving, but not all of ‘em are happy. Meredith Hand lost to Ethan Arrington in Week 11 action. Matthew and Milton Hand won their games. Milton actually trailed by two going into Monday Night Football, but pulled out a late vict’ry. Now, across the Junior League, it’s time for some turkey, “some turkey for the young turkeys.”  

Tide QB Trio:

The three former Alabama quarterbacks currently starting in the NFL went undefeated (again) in Week Eleven action. Jalen Hurts and Tua continue to be talked about as potential MVP’s, while Mac Jones gets blasted for going 23 of 27, and setting records for completion percentage…While Trevor Lawrence, Zack Wilson, and Justin Fields continue to lose.

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