Mayors Steamroll Bullets Right Out of BDCS:

Unlike Michigan and Ohio State in college football, the Benton Bullets at least won a game in the playoffs before they were kicked out. The unlikely Bullets became the first BDFL team ever to circumvent the “Bullet Rule,” and advance to the Big Dance with a record below .500 (8-9). Moving into the BDCS under the “Bullet Stipulation” clause (B.S. Clause), the Old Bullerino upset the even-older Butch Neal – and his Cheetahs – in Round One. However, it was a whole new ballgame in Round Two. The Defending Champion and Top Seeded Magic City Mayors steamrolled the Benton Bullets this past weekend in the BDFL. Mayor Arrington’s well-oiled Cronie Contingent blasted the Bullets right into the consolation rounds. The Bulletin is not substituting any scores in lieu of the suspension of the Monday Night Football (MNF) game, and is not processing this as an official A.W. However, the Mayors will move on to the Big Daddy Bowl with a chance to repeat and keep the Grand Daddy trophy in their possession for another year, as they will face the Sloth Monsters for all the marbles in the NFL’s and BDFL’s Week 18.  

Sloths March to Finals by Jousting Juggernauts:

Mukes is dancing again. The Sloth Monsters are once again almost at the top of the heap in the BDFL. Muke’s team picked up a huge win in the semi-finals of the BDCS by jousting the Jugtown Juggernauts in a game that was never really close. The ‘Nauts had a really good season, but Allyson came up just a little bit short when it mattered most. A.E. will re-group and try again next year – or actually later in 2023 – but next football season. Meanwhile, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers will go for all the marbles (without trying to swallow any). The Sloths had an excellent game plan in Round Two and they executed it successfully, like a flawless run for Pony’s and Pretzels at Mike’s on the old Highway 31 right on the Gardendale-Fultondale line. Muke’s will now aim Albert’s White Grenada with the Yellow Canoe tied on top at the top of the fantasy football world and try to knock off the defending champions. The Bulletin encourages all BDFLers to catch the action and support the league to the fullest and wish each of the championship participants all the best – because there will be no participation ribbons.  

Cheetahs Slide vs. Neanderthals:

“A perfectly good season – shot to hell,” said Butch Neal, as his Southside Cheetahs under-performed again in the post-season. The Cheetahs lost to the Bullets and Round One, and in the second round, Butch fell victim to the phantom team, the Neanderthals. “At least Alabama won in their consolation game in the Sugar Bowl,” Butch said, “even though I had to vacation with family and couldn’t go to New Orleans.” According to media reports, the Neanderthals were not able to celebrate mainly because they don’t exist (anymore). You could say, that they are in scientific terminology, “extinct.”  

Dogs Dump ‘Dillos:

The Brookside Dogs defeated the Duncanville Armadillos in the consolation portion of the bracket. Mark Burr was slightly happy. In defeat, the ‘Dillos were perfectly content. K.P. & Company stayed away from the NFL and the Carolina Panthers and spent the New Year’s weekend in New Orleans with the Tide and rolling with two-out-of-three Hand Brothers (and 2-or-3 of their sons).  

Big Mullet Series Capsule:

In the Big Mullet Series, the Druid City Blitz looked strong in outscoring the Western Hills Wildcats, and the Dixie Mafia responded like most folks thought they would down on the Redneck Riviera. The Gulf Coast Gamblers advanced by spanking the Fieldtown Bellcows. Both the Mildcats and the Bell-heads were surprising winners in Round One of the BMS, but each came crashing back down to earth in the semi-final round. Elsewhere, the Bandits edged the PowerSleds, who witnessed their terrible season go from bad-to-worse, and the Commissioner and his Hand Grenades exploded with a win over his little brother to close out Week 17 in the BDFL.  

Week 17 in the Junior League – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Championship Game in the JrBDFL is being hotly contested between Alabama freshmen, net minders, and roommates: Matthew Hand and Hayden Roberts. The title contest in the Junior League spans two weeks, and at press time it was unclear what they were doing in relation to the suspension of the MNF game.