Wildcats grab top billing – Subdue shell-shocked ‘Dillos:

Not very often does The Bulletin start out with a recap of a game involving the Western Hills Wildcats. The “James Gang” is usually not the lead story. In Week Three of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL), at the top of The Bulletin is an article about the Wildcats winning a football game, as the ‘Cats defeated the Duncanville Armadillos by the final score of 29-15. In doing adequate and necessary research on this game, The Bulletin staff discovered that something dreadful happened to Kurt Prewitt and his “Little old team from Texas.” Details were still sketchy at press time, but it appears that K.P. was abducted either by aliens on Saturday, or kidnapped by a college football mascot up in the Carolinas. When more news is available it will be disseminated in the regular way over the BDFL website, social media, and via email chains and group texts.

The Commissioner outscores Bullets as arm of the Dreaded Schedule Maker

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers scored just about every way imaginable over the Thursday through Monday NFL schedule cycle. The Commissioner’s team didn’t stop until they had amassed 49-points, which earned them Top Gun of the Week (kind of like Maverick in Top Gun One) in the BDFL for Week Three. The high point total also earned Old Iron a big vict’ry over the Benton Bullets in the latest Brother Bowl. The Grenadiers got the win over the Bullets, 49-33. That’s right… the Bullets scored 33 and still lost… so, you can chalk up another one in the loss column for Bullerino to the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM). In case you are scoring at home – and we know you are – Bullet’s point total in Week Three would have defeated every other team in the BDFL except one… and that game would have gone into overtime. To his credit, Bullet shrugged off the loss, “I’m just glad Bama won Saturday.”  

Blitz scores 33 – Notches win over Gamblers:

The “other team” that scored 33 points in Week 3 was the Druid City Blitz. It was enough to give them a nine-point win over the Gulf Coast Gamblers. It also improved DaBlitz’ record to 3-0 on the early season in the nation’s most prestigious and long-running fantasy football league. The Gritz Blitz has not only been “bringing the heat” in the early going with their trademark “blitzing,” using “corner fire, viper, and cobra stunts,” but they’ve also dialed up an occasional “safety blitz.” The offense has also been good in 2023 for the undefeated Blitz. As for the Dixie Mafia, they will have to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to play better in the always competitive BDFL.

 Bandits edged by Cheetahs:

In one of the closest games of the past weekend, the Southside Cheetahs slipped past the Altadena Bandits, 30-28. The two-point win was enough for Butch Neal and his Sin Wagon. The vict’ry enabled the Cheetahs – although located in Southside – to keep the upper hand in the East Gardendale just off Tarrant Road Rivalry. Barry pulled out all of his election tricks to try and count more votes, er points… but still ended up just a little short. At least Stephenson and Neal are ahead of the Scroggins and Leopards in the hierarchy of the old neighborhood.  

Juggernauts upset Mayors:

Elsewhere, in the BDFL, the biggest upset of Week Three happened at Legion Field in Birmingham. The Magic City Mayors – Defending Champions and heavy favorites – were shot down by the Jugtown Juggernauts, 32-27. Allyson loves returning to the venerable Old Gray Lady in Northwest Birmingham. And this past Sunday, her ‘Nauts played like some of the old Bama and Gardendale teams she watched at the old stadium. The Magic City Mayors were initially shocked by their performance, and were almost bailed out on Monday Night Football (MNF) by Jalen Hurts, but in the final analysis, the Cronies were sent packing by a bunch of girls.  

Former Legion Field tenants – The Vulcans – Get another win:

The final score on The Birmingham News – Birmingham Post-Herald scoreboard read: Vulcans 26 – PowerSleds 14. In a Sunday Doubleheader… the Vulcans and Sleds also squared off at Legion Field. Of note… the Vulcans never actually won a World Football League championship at the stadium, or at all. The Birmingham Americans captured a title at the stadium in the one-and-only World Bowl. The Vulcans never completed a season as the WFL folded. The Vulcans were clearly the best team in the league, but never got to finish. As for Nic Hand, who is off to a hot start in the BDFL, he hopes he’ll get to finish the season, capitalize on beginner’s luck, win a championship, and get to move outta his parents basement.  

Bellcows trudge past Sloths:

The Fieldstown Bellcows overcame sloppy play, finger-pointing, name-calling, and lots of other negative things in rallying to get a Week Three victory. Belrose’s team was aided by getting to face the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” the Sloth Monsters. Mukes’ team earned the distinction by scoring only 6-points. The Bellcows dented the scoreboard with 19-points, but that was good enough for a vict’ry.  

Hand Brother – Hime – Embarrassed by Dogs:

“It wasn’t an A.W.,” said Hime Hand, after his Fultondale Freebirds were “bird dogged” in Week Three by the Brookside Dogs, 28-8. But, it was as close as you could get to an A.W. (20 points instead of 21). The youngest Hand Brother didn’t seem to let it get him down too much. He was just happy that Alabama escaped Saturday vs. Ole Miss in T-Town with a come-from-behind win. “My fantasy team thought about coming from behind on Sunday or Monday Night,” said Jaimie. “But, then they just decided to lay down and wallow.” Meanwhile, the Brookside Dogs were in the President’s Box on Saturday and celebrating a BDFL win on Sunday back in Hoover… in other words… they were “fat and happy.” Marks Mutts strike again.    

Week Six in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

Bryant-Denny Stadium, All State, Net Minder, Matthew Hand was bragging on social media and text messages about defeating his sister in JrBDFL action. But, you have to give Matthew a pass on this one – or not. His Selma Southpaws began the season 0-2, and are just happy to be able to get a vict’ry in Week Three of the Junior League. None of the Hands of Benton are particular happy with how the 2023 season has started, as they all have key players out for the season, so they’ll have to tough it out from here on out. Or, in their cyber league… they can make trades and pull players off the taxi squad. They can’t even comprehend the BDFL’s T.S. Rule.  

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 2:

Tommy Kinney was part of the GHS Class of 1982 with Barry, Dog, Mukes, Allyson, and Jaimie. He was an offensive lineman for the Rockets, and maybe the best lineman in junior high. However, before that he was the 4th Hand Brother hanging out with Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie for hours, days, and weeks on end. He was born just four days after Jaimie, a first cousin (his mom was Donald Hand’s sister) – and he grew up on Hand Lane. Tommy was always big and strong and enabled the Hand Brothers to have multiple two-on-two baseball, basketball, and backyard football games when “other” cousins weren’t around. So, he was right there with the Hand trio making them a quartet for long periods of time and involved in fishing, camping, and long 1970s trips to Baines Lake and all through the woods. He had his own go cart, while the Hand Brothers had to share one, and he was a lineman while the other three were definitely not. Tommy Kinney was also fearless and had a temper that he would use against anyone – parents included – and he could get away with a lot more. Next week… we’ll get to a 4th Hand Brother that wasn’t blood kin to the Hands.