TheBDFL.com
 
HOME IRON AWARDS ROSTERS
STANDINGS BULLETIN SCHEDULE STARTERS
 
 
2023

The Bulletin

Bullet with AL Rookie of the Year Gunnar Henderson and Selma QB Club President Bob Frazer

Week 2: The Bulletin salutes songs – names and/or lyrics – that mention the number TWO for Week TWO in the BDFL/NFL.  

 

Mayors 58 – *Hand Grenades 39

“I got TWO tickets to paradise”

(Spaghetti Eddie Money)

The Magic City Mayors may just be unstoppable (as mentioned in the excel notes by The Commissioner – you should read ‘em) with Jalen Hurts at quarterback. Hurts is good for a couple of rushing TDs and passing TDs each week, which accounts for about 18 points. Hurts – single handedly – kept the Benton Bullets afloat last season. This season, as the first overall pick in the Miller Genuine Draft (MGD), Hurts is living up to the lofty billing through TWO weeks. The TWO time defending champions are riding the QB Sneak Freak to early domination in 2023. The Cronies pounded the “Mineral Springs Grenadiers” this past weekend, 58-39, stopping just short of an A.W., but serving notice that they mean business again this year, and that the Commissioner’s team may be in need of an overhaul. NOTE: *The Mineral Springs Grenadiers are like one of those college or pro football teams that actually have good uniforms, and don’t know it. Example: 49ers, Saints, Patriots – they have good looking old uniforms and keep messing with them and only making them worse. In college: see Colorado, Florida State, and North Carolina.) The Commissioner had one of the coolest nicknames, with a play on words related to his surname – the Hand Grenades. But, for some reason, old Iron wants his team to be called the Grenadiers – no one can pronounce it, spell it, or even really know what it is, and everyone knows what a hand grenade is.  

 

Cheetahs 43 – Freebirds 23

“Love me TWO times baby, one for tomorrow, one just for today”

(Jim "Doors" Morrison)

Another game that seemed like an A.W., but didn’t officially qualify for an @$$-whippin’ was the match-up between the Southside Cheetahs and the Black Creek Freebirds. The old, old, proverbial Sin Wagon rolled all over the F’birds in Week TWO in the BDFL. The Cheetahs scored early and often against the outmatched Skynyrd faithful, and leaving Jammin’ Jaimie Hand with the only option of begging Cheetah-man to just give him “three steps toward the door, and he’d never see him no more.”  

 

Bullets 30 – Wildcats 21

“Hearts broken in TWO, TWO, TWO”

(Journey)

While TWO of the Hand Brothers were putting up respectable scores (39 and 23, respectfully) the other Hand Brother was struggling to get out of his own way this past weekend. The trauma of Bama vs. USF was bad enough, but then the Benton Bullets had to suffer through playing without a kicker in fantasy football action. However, for the first time in a while, the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM) offered some relief instead of torment for Bullerino. The Bullets had the pleasure of having the Western Hills Wildcats lined up opposite them in Week TWO. The combination produced a vict’ry for the Benton Bullets with only a paltry 15-points put on the board by the Bullets. The final score was 30-21 with the Bullets defeating the Mildcats, who have to be rethinking their draft night strategy, or lack thereof. Bullet does save the family name by picking up a vict’ry as the only Hand Brother to get away with a win – or avoid a loss – in Week TWO. NOTE: See below a 2023 The Bulletin feature on “The 4th Hand Brother.”  

 

Vulcans 34 – Gamblers 28

“TWO hearts beat as one”

(Bono – U2)

With all apologies to the non Hands in the BDFL, The Bulletin has one more to report on before moving on this week in the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Hand “son” in the BDFL is Nic Hand, aka, Son of Jaimie. His North Birmingham Vulcans have come out firing, and like the statue on Red Mountain, “showing their @$$,” in 2023. But, you don’t get to be the “God of Thunder” or the “God of Iron,” by losing football games – even in a cyber environment. So, the Vulcans are off to a fast start. It wasn’t easy, but this past weekend, they defeated the Gulf Coast Gamblers by six to begin their BDFL career with a 2-0 mark. The Real Deal was a little shocked at the outcome, and now the Dixie Mafia will have to have some long conversations and some back door meetings to try and get this fixed as soon as possible.  

 

Juggernauts 32 – Armadillos 22

“TWO girls for every boy”

(Beach Boys)

Elsewhere, in the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL), the Jugtown Juggernauts are off to a good start, and the Duncanville Armadillos are questioning every facet of their program. The ‘Nauts roared to a ten point vict’ry over the Best Little Team from Texas in Week TWO, and the game was not really as close as the final score would indicate. A.E.’s team ran out to a big lead and only let the ‘Dillos keep it respectable with some mop-up scores against the second string. K.P. & Company do have a plan for turning things around, but it involves some less than scrupulous endeavors for the very near future along with some meetings with Oyster, Fruhmorgan, and Bucket.  

 

Dogs 21 – Bandits 13

“These TWO lanes will take us anywhere”

(Springsteen)

Speaking of unscrupulous, The Bulletin intercepted this (text) communication just before press time. “Watching Super Banker, Milburn Drysdale. He is able to leap high interest rates in a single bound. Able to sniff out hidden fees and foreclose in the blink of an eye.” That’s the kind of stuff legends are made of in the good old U.S. of A. Drysdale – of course – was the banker for the Beverly Hillbillies, and he remains one of Mr. Mark Burr’s heroes (along with Tor Eckman from one Seinfeld episode). Well, dividends are paying off for “Mark’s Mutts.” In Week TWO, Dog got a vict’ry over another former finance expert, dealing Old Barry – and the Altadena Bandits – a 21-13 defeat. “Well, the first thing you know, ole Jed’s a millionaire.”  

 

PowerSleds 18 – Sloth Monsters 13:

“TWO divided by love - can only hurt one another,”

(The Grass Roots)

The final score read: PowerSleds 18 – Sloth Monsters 13. The Bulletin can assure you that the game was as boring as the final score and as painful as watching paint dry, but not quite as painful as watching Alabama slop around in Tampa. A winner and a loser were declared as in all football games, and the Fairfield PowerSleds were, at least on some level, happy to leave the Dolodome with a win, but it wasn’t pretty. As for Mukes, he knew his Sloths would battle to the end, but ultimately the Three Toed Tree Sloths were not able to get a grip on a vict’ry and will now have to go back and watch the film, try to stay awake, and come up with a plan to get thing turned around for the rest of 2023.  

 

Blitz 25 (otv) – Bellcows 25

“Goody TWO, Goody TWO, Goody, goody TWO Shoes”

(Adam Ant)

The Bulletin may have buried the lead by putting one of the best games of Week TWO near the bottom of this week’s award-winning publication. This was one for the ages, or at least a competitive, well-played, close game in a midst of mediocrity that marked most of Week TWO in the BDFL. For starters, the Druid City Blitz and the Fieldstown Bellcows played up to their capabilities this past weekend. Both teams were able to protect the passer, move the ball, and force an occasional punt. What neither team was able to do was to get any measure of separation from the other. So, this one was close all the way and ended after 60 minutes (or after a full slate of NFL games) deadlocked at 25. The vict’ry went to the Blitz in overtime. That’s it. Based on the OT rules in the BDFL, the Blitz came out on top and Belrose and the Bellcows were saddled with a defeat.  

 

Meanwhile, in the JrBDFL

“It takes TWO baby, it just takes TWO”

(Hot Rod Stewart)

The Bulletin has only learned the following regarding Week TWO in the JrBDFL: Milton Hand won his game and Meredith and Matthew lost. If you have the password, you can go on ESPN.com and find out all of the scores, trends, and winners and losers in the Junior League.  

 

Fourth Hand Brother Contest

A lot of you over the years have in one way or another qualified – at least for a short time – as a 4th Hand Brother. Whether you like it or not… at some point in time… you were placed in a situation with the Hand Family (or as an extension the Slovensky’s). Maybe, for a “strength in numbers” situation, or an uncomfortable car ride, or crash time situation in Gulf Shores, Orange Beach, or Panama City. So, for this season…Please submit to The Bulletin… a time or situation where you might have qualified as an honorary Hand Brother or as we are calling it… the 4th Hand Brother. [An example follows, and don’t worry about next week, because the second person to qualify as the 4th Hand Brother is (cousin) Tommy Kinney. But, that’s next week.] The first person to quality is Donald Slovensky. He was 3 or 4 when Chris Hand was born, and was with Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie very often and for long periods of time from 1961-1971. He was like an older brother for the Hand Brothers toddler and childhood days and a source of great adventure, trouble-making, babysitting, scouting, camping, fishing, and overall bull$#!*. In all the days since, he has kinda served as a big brother, an uncle, even a Godfather to some of the Hand Brothers kids. He’s still going strong with a large family of his own, including 5 grandkids… but for awhile… he was… “The 4th Hand Brother.”

 

W1TB  W2TB  W3TB  W4TB  W5TB  W6TB  W7TB  W8TB  W9TB  W10TB  W11TB  W12TB  W13TB  W14TB  W15TB  W16TB  W17TB  W18TB



Concept, names, logos and designs are all registered trademarks and intellectual property of The BDFL © 2023. TheBDFL.com is a production of Iron Hand Productions © 2023. It is intended solely for the use of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). Any other use without the expressed written consent of the BDFL is prohibited. Any re-broadcast, or re-distribution, of its contents can be punishable by law, or by Iron Hand. All rights reserved.

TheBDFL.com