The Bulletin

This is what you get when you have to make an invitation to your own birthday party

Cheetahs and Wildcats Stage Epic Battle:

“Epic,” the word - is grossly overused. “Legendary,” falls in the same category. The Bulletin however, is going to use both of those words correctly in describing a match-up in Week Nine in the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Southside Cheetahs and the Western Hills Wildcats have a long history of epic battles on the BDFL gridiron, including see-saw, come-from-behind games in the regular season and playoffs. The latest legendary game occurred in Week Nine of 2022. This one was beyond description. The Sin Wagon and the BioCats tested each other and challenged each other for a full 60-minutes (or in the BDFL cyber world) from Thursday Night Football (TNF) through Monday Night Football (MNF). The Cheetahs were tested and the Mildcats – both grand paws - were pushed to the brink. Somehow, the Cheetahs managed to end up one point ahead of the Wildcats, and Neal’s Felines escaped with a narrow vict’ry against the “James Gang” in another legendary game in a match-up in the always unpredictable BDFL. “Cheetahs win cat fight,” said one sign on Southside in the wee hours of Monday night.  

Bellcows Hit Epic Low – Lose in A.W. Fashion to Bullets:

The Bellcows claimed the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” in Week Nine by scoring only 8 points. The single digit output was extremely embarrassing to Belrose and his loyal Fieldstown (and Fultondale) fans. The question is: Could it be more embarrassing? The answer is: Yes, yes, it could certainly be worse. It could be more embarrassing, because the Bellcows also suffered an A.W. To add insult to injury, the A.W. came at the “Hands” of the Benton Bullets, who are now just 3-6 in 2022 in the BDFL. Bullet’s vict’ry – via A.W. – came by getting points from Thursday to Monday (especially with 12 from Kenyan Drake on MNF). The Bellcows now probably take over the top spot – from Bullet – in the early Pucker Factor Poll category.  

Freebirds Slip Past Blue Deacons:

The Black Creek Freebirds and the Mt. High Blue Deacons are rivals on the football field. “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand and Anthony “Deer Processing” Bishop might be friends in Monday through Friday life, but it all ends when their teams square off in fantasy football. The Freebirds vs. Blue Deacons match-up in Week Nine, until Hime’s “trash talkin’ and juking” started paying off. The Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) did not know how to counter, and when the smoke cleared in Fultondale on Sunday afternoon and especially after Monday Night Football (MNF), the Freebirds had a 33-21 win over the beleaguered Blue Deacons. After the game they shook hands, with Jaimie doing his best impersonation of Mac Sanderson* following a Metro Game on a Saturday morning in the 1970s. (*In case you don’t remember, or never saw it in the first place… legendary Metro coach Mac Sanderson would strut out to midfield after a Metro little league football game like he was Vince Lombardi and Bear Bryant rolled into one to shake hands with the opposing coach he just defeated. It was epic. During the practice week… he would call his players "A bunch of mullets".)  

Grenadiers Fall to Bandits on Brink of Election:

Old Barry showed flashes of brilliance this past weekend in the BDFL. The Bandits maneuvered their Black TransAm with a spread-eagle on the hood and T-Tops, through heavy traffic of waivers, and transactions, and starters, and game film, and halftime speeches, and skull sessions. It paid off when the final score was posted on @$$. Barry and the Bandits had figuratively knocked off Old Smokey the authority figure, the Big Cheese, Head Honcho of the BDFL, The Commissioner (Iron Hand) by a slim 30-28 margin. The Grenadiers stared in disbelief at the scoreboard for a number of minutes before they finally made their way to the center of the field to shake hands in defeat to the Bandits. “Go vote,” said New Barry, in person and on TV.  

Dillos Dominate PowerSleds:

The Duncanville Armadillos picked up a pivotal win in Week Nine, and it wasn’t even close. K.P. and Company studied film all week, and tweaked a game plan with an emphasis on moving the football, playing sound defense, and scoring more points than their opponents. All of those goals were accomplished in the ‘Dillos game vs. the Fairfield PowerSleds. The pundits are going to say that the ‘Dillos win was due to the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM), and that the “Mean Machine” refused to be “mean.” Those statements and critiques might be true, but K.P. is sticking with his focus on preparation and execution as the BDFL moves firmly to the second half of the 2022 season. Meanwhile, Jack’s team will have their “hands on the line,” come Wednesday’s practice and they’ll probably run until someone throws up.  

Gritz Blitz Comes up Big vs. Mayors:

The Druid City Blitz has been up and down like a sub-par, temporary ride at the State Fair, with a cigarette dangling long-hair freaky person at the rusted-over controls. In Week Nine, the Blitz was up long enough to deal a defeat to the Magic City Mayors. The hangover from the Magic City Classic and the euphoria of having college gameday at a SWAC school was just too much to handle for the old Cronies. The Cronies came out sleep-walking against Jerry Fritz, and they ultimately paid the price. The win on the road at the Old Grey Lady on Greymont Avenue – Legion Field – was definitely a highlight for the season for daBlitz – and they hope to ride that momentum to a respectable place in the final standings and hopefully a seat at the big boy table for the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS).  

OT Part 1 – Dogs Bite Sloths:

Brookside was in an absolute uproar when the final gun sounded in the game between the home-standing Dogs and the visiting Sloth Monsters. However, their celebrations were premature. The score was actually tied and per BDFL-rules, it proceeded to overtime. In the extra period, both teams came out sluggish with the Sloth Monsters having a difficult time waking up. “Mark’s Mutts” made lots of mistakes in the extra period, but they were ultimately able to overcome their errors. Mukes team finally saw vict’ry slip through their three-fingers (and no thumbs) as the Three Toed Tree Dwellers lost in overtime to the Brookside Dogs, and then the Brookside faithful were able to celebrate up and down Main Street, ending in pure bedlam at Wayne’s Place for revelry and pocket billiards.  

OT Part 2 – Gamblers Edge Juggernauts:

In another overtime game in Week Nine in the BDFL, the Gulf Coast Gamblers and the Jugtown Juggernauts battled past regulation. In regulation, it ended with a score you’ll never get in the decimal point extravaganza of “other” false fantasy football leagues. It ended after four quarters with a football score: 21-21. (So, if that’s what you’re going for Mr. Commissioner… Congratulations!) The problem is… even in the “points only” BDFL, there still has to be a way to resolve “tie” games. The Bulletin reports that you could just have a tie. But, since the rules state an overtime is necessary, the @$$-scoring system was consulted and since the “longest play” rule is no longer in play, the roster for each team was consulted – along with a Qu qi Board – and the Dixie Mafia (surprise) were declared the winners over the ‘Nauts in OT. “Get me outta here Percy.”  

Meanwhile in the JrBDFL:

In the Junior League, Matthew Hand and Milton Hand set the league back years with their pitiful performance in Week 9. Neither scored in triple digits, which is a good barometer of a decent week, this past weekend in the JrBDFL. Matthew’s Selma Southpaws defeated the Lowndes County Labs of Milton and Milton was not sore after the loss or after playing Nose Guard and Defensive Tackle on Friday Night, marking is 11th position to play this season for the Senators of Morgan Academy. They won 40-30 and advanced to the Semi Finals in Class 3A in the AISA. As for the rest of the league, if you have the password and the link, you can find the scores – The Bulletin has neither – subsequently the scores go unreported in this publication, this week. “It’s all about the kids.”  

Tide QB Trend:

All three Alabama NFL quarterbacks won their games in Week 9 and all three have better records than recent draft choices: Joe Burrow, Justin Herbert, Justin Fields, Trevor Lawrence, and Zach Wilson, so be careful what you let the national media tell you.

Special Invitation to all BDFL members, family, fans, friends and other athletic supporters...

You are invited to Bullet's 60th Birthday Party. It is scheduled for Saturday, November 19th at 6pm at the Old House on Hand Lane (4749 Hand Lane) just off Fieldstown Road in Gardendale, 35071. All BDFL owners, general managers, coaches, players, family members, and groupies will be able to get autographs and selfies with Bullet. Reminder, there will be no disparaging comments and no BS allowed at this event.

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