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 TheBDFL.com           THE BULLETIN                                Week 17

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From Underneath The Rock

in Media Void

The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

THE BULLETIN: WEEK 17

Cheetahs are Champions

For the 2nd time in their “roller coaster” history, the Riverchase Cheetahs laid claim to the BDFL Championship. The Sin Wagon got sweet revenge for having to put up with a night full of the Wildcats’ rambling on draft night by hammering the BioCats in the Big Daddy Bowl. “It was rolling, baby,” said former Cheetah leader, Mike Price. “It was like a three hour orgasm,” said Butch Neal. (Apparently, he made the same comment at the 1993 Sugar Bowl to Giddy in the upper deck of the Louisiana Superdome) The Super effort by the Cheetahs earns Butch a spot among the elite, two-title holders in the BDFL. (Mad & Kenny B) As for the James Gang, they proved in their sophomore season that if enough idiots draft before you and enough injuries befall your opponents and you employ a “just say no” philosophy, you too may rise to the top (almost) of the BDFL. The celebration at Sammy’s is still in progress.

Merlin Takes Third

In the BDFL’s top consolation bowl, the Wizards “clobbered” the Gamblers. “I don’t like that word,” said a dis-hearted Kenny Rogers/Kenny Breal.  By some “fluke of the universe,” the Card Sharks never scored more than 20-points down the stretch and still won the wretched Red Neck Division.  But then the Boys from Biloxi were “clobbered” twice in the playoffs. Officially, the Gamblers get a fourth place nod in the final standings, but if you will look at the final point totals, they didn’t even end up with the top point total in the RND. (That distinction went to the Bullets.) For Merlin and his merry band of Magicians, Wizards, Sorcerers, and Sleuths, it was a banner year at the old Parks household. They end the season fourth, but with a Green Horn Division trophy and POTY on the mantle.

Mean Machine Outscores Grenades

In a shoot out in NashVegas, the Power Sleds shoved the country music aside apparently smashing banjos, mandolins, and steel guitars in the process.  After the Mean Machine got its “metal” in place on Music Row, all the Grenades could do was crawl across the Cumberland to the Stadium-to-be-named-later, to contemplate a decade of BDFL without a championship.  Meanwhile, the Sleds served notice that they will be a team to be dealt with next season especially if they can lure “Bufu” and “Big John” out of retirement.

Wooden Warriors Rip Rice Rockets

In another meaningless BDFL, end-of-season, bowl game, the Wooden Warriors took out their frustrations on the Jugtown Juggernauts. “I can’t remember the last time I won a game in Week 17,” said a beleaguered Bocephus.  “If I had scored 35 points in the final week of the NFL regular season the last two years…” But, if “ifs” and “buts” were “candy and nuts,” we’d all have a Merry Christmas.

Bullets Double-up on Mayors

“Double your pleasure double your fun, you get two for the price of one.” That’s an old line from a Double Mint Chewing gum commercial that has little or nothing to do with the Bullets vict’ry against the Mayors in the aptly-named “Mediocrity Bowl.” Except the fact that the Bullets scored twice as many points as the Cronies and ended the post-season with consecutive wins in the BDFL bracket.  The Mayors are glad to see the season come to an end and start preparations for hosting the Miller Genuine Draft at their new digs in 2006. As for the Bullets, who look on the official Big Daddy scoreboard to see who is behind, can be comforted in the fact that they ended up with the most total points in the Red Neck Division and their 10-7 overall record tied them for 4th overall in the league. (How’s that for a spin?)

Sloths Slam Sickles

Mukes’ BDFL career as well as his 2006 season has mirrored his former career with Otis Elevators, “It’s been up and down.” In the week 17’s only A.W., Michael Hewlett Dismukes and his back-aching, heart-wrenching, three-toed Crusaders could easily be called the “feel good” story of the season in the BDFL.  Sure, they didn’t win a dang thing, but Mr. Mom (Mukes) persevered and finished the season in fine fashion by slaughtering the Stealth Sickles.  Most of the rank-and-file of the BDFL (of which Mukes is probably the union leader) is pleased to see the Sloths “hanging.” Others are just glad he’ll be able to not only partake but to furnish BEvERages at the next draft.

Dogs Capture Dirty Sock

Is it better to win the Dirty Sock Bowl and claim the title of Dirty Sock, or to lose this game? Well, the Dogs beat the woeful Woosiers, and that’s always a good thing.  Both teams were horrible in ’06 in the BDFL, and both are happy to see the season come to an end. The Woo-led and orchestrated WARTS was another big hit in ’06, with the BDFL scoring and tracking catching up in cyberspace with other fantasy leagues.  That’s good.  The Woo Crew’s defense of their 2005 championship was Weak, with a capital ‘W.’

Slovaks Finish Last

After a week one, 2-1 vict’ry over the Wizards that was unexplained and subsequently changed to a 4-2 score, (some of us never forget, forget hell) things actually never got any better for the Fighting Slovaks. The Commissioner is seriously considering stripping the word “Fighting” from their nickname. Although they do have a history of fighting frat house basement poles (not Poles or Pollock’s), sidewalks, and Pi Cap rivals on “get-me-a-goat” initiation night.  However, that experience really does not translate to success in the BDFL (Unless maybe you’re playing Woo in Blount County or in No Teeth, Tennessee).  It just so happens that the Slovaks were matched up with the Bootleggers in the Toilet Bowl and were soundly defeated by the worst Bootlegger teams to ever clamp down on a set of dentures.  If these teams don’t get better in ’06, they could be on the next BDFL contraction list.

Quote of the

Week

"As for the Bullets, who look on the official Big Daddy scoreboard to see who is behind, can be comforted in the fact that they ended up with the most total points in the Red Neck Division and their 10-7 overall record tied them for 4th overall in the league. (How’s that for a spin?)"

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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