But first – Week Eight’s first A.W.:

The Top Gun in Week Eight in the BDFL was the Black Creek Freebirds. After an embarrassing loss to his son the previous week, “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand came out firing on all cylinders in Week 8. The Fairfield PowerSleds were the victim in this collision with the former Wooden Warriors. Mad Jack’s “Mean Machine” vanished again on a Sunday afternoon in fantasy football, and the result were ugly as the Freebirds put an A.W. on the Sled Heads by the final score of 41-19. It seems that every other week, the Sleds are going back to the drawing board and back to fundamentals and back to putting their hands on the line. The Freebirds haven’t been much better. They haven’t been consistent in 2023. However, in Week 8, Old Bocephus had his team fired up and ready to play, and they showed what they are capable of when they put it all together. For the rest of the season, the Freebirds will have to try to duplicate that, if they want to move from pretenders to contenders. NOTE: Headline aside – there was another A.W., but it’s featured near the end of this week’s The Bulletin.  

Commissioner kiltaged by previously winless Sloths:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers got killed (or kiltaged) in Week 8. But, the whippin’ (not an A.W. – by one point) was administered by an unlikely source. It was the Sloth Monsters doing the damage against the Commissioner this past weekend. Muke’s team entered Week 8 winless. But, the Three Toed Tree Dwellers put it all together with a complete performance against the Grenadiers and were rewarded with a big 30-10 vict’ry. Mukes was relieved to get off the schneid. Apparently, he went back to Harry’s to work on his public speaking behind the bar, and tutored young Dalton Dismukes, who won a prestigious public speaking event at college. Congrats to Dalton and Dismukes. FYI: The Sloths are now 1-7 in the overall standings.  

Undefeated Dogs no more:

In one of the closest games of the past weekend, the Benton Bullets upset the Brookside Dogs in overtime. “Marks’ Mutts” entered the game with a perfect 7-0 record in the BDFL in 2023. This one was a see-saw affair from the opening whistle until the final gun. The Dogs jumped out to an early lead after Thursday Night action in the NFL. The Bullets battled back through Sunday afternoon, getting key contributions up and down their line-up for really the first time all season. Bullerino took a nine point lead into Sunday Night action. Dog barked back to tie the game. At the end of regulation, the old, VFW scoreboard at Brookside Ball Park on the banks of the Five Mile Creek, read 29-29. The Bullets production up-and-down their starters gave them the OT vict’ry (otv). The Super Banker thought about protesting, but quickly moved on to the manufacture of new and improved rubber bullets at his Talladega Super Speedway Synaflex Rubber factory and some golden tickets to give local children a place to visit on Halloween.  

Wildcats resurgence continues win a Week 8 win:

The comeback of the week belongs to the Western Hills Wildcats. The “James Gang” was all but left for dead after BDFL action on Sunday. But, in perhaps the biggest Monday Night Miracle of the season, the Wildcats picked up 17-points from their kicker on Monday Night Football, and that was enough to push them past the young, but naïve North Birmingham Vulcans. According to official fantasy publications, Nic Hand may be paying more attention to kick ball and pickle ball than to the BDFL, and now he’ll have to recover from a loss to the Wildcats.  

One-point game #1 – Cheetahs edge Mayors:

Elsewhere, in the BDFL, there were some really close games on the “out-of-town scoreboard.” In one of the oldest and more prestigious rivalries (not involving Alabama State and Alabama A&M in the Magic City Classic), the Southside Cheetahs squared-off against the Magic City Mayors. It was an “instant classic.” It was one of two “one-point” games in the BDFL in Week 8, and the Cheetahs did just enough to top the Mayors. The final score from Legion Field was Sin Wagon 28 and Cronies 27. Allegedly, the post-game party is still in progress.  

One-point game #2 – Armadillos dig-in and win:

The Duncanville Armadillos summoned up all of their intestinal fortitude, inner courage, and “can do” attitude and battled for four quarters against the Altadena Bandits. It paid off for K.P. & Company as they edged the Bandits by one point, 25-24. Both teams had multiple opportunities to get this vict’ry, but in the end, if was the ‘Dillos who managed to score just one more point than Barry, leaving the Bandits scratching their heads and trying to figure one what to do next to secure a productive season in the BDFL.  

 Bellcows win again by outgaining the Gamblers:

The Fieldstown Bellcows seem to be riding a wave of emotion and borderline stellar play in recent weeks. After a big one-point upset vict’ry last weekend, the Bell Heads rode that momentum to a huge win in Week 8 against the Gulf Coast Gamblers, 29-26. The Dixie Mafia was adversely affected by the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM). Kenny “Real Deal (off the bottom)” Breal would have defeated seven other teams this past weekend, but their match-up with the Bellcows added up to another loss. The Bulletin often states that the BDFL season is more of a marathon than a sprint. So, both of these teams still have a legitimate chance at making the Big Dance (the Big Daddy Championship Series), the Bellcows have to find a way to “keep it rolling,” while the Gamblers have to recover, regroup, and bounce back.  

Naut much – Toilet Seat award lands in Jugtown:

The Toilet Seat Team of the Weak award goes to the Jugtown Juggernauts in Week Eight. It wasn’t close. The ‘Nauts were the only team this weekend to finish in single digits. It was an awful performance. The Bulletin will give a little bit of the credit to the Druid City Blitz. Jerry Fritz had a good game plan, and da Blitz executed it to perfection. It was never close. It was – in fact – an A.W., with the final score reading 28-6. The ‘Nauts will try to find out what went wrong, while the “Gritz Blitz” will celebrate just a little longer than 24-hours before turning their attention to Week 9.  

Week Eight in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids”

The Bulletin is getting very little info from the Junior League with cyber security being what it is in 2023. Only one JrBDFLer lives in Benton now – the publishing home of The Bulletin – and that’s Milton… and his JrBDFL team won its game in Week Eight action.  

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 7:

The Bulletin will take a break from the roommates for at least a week in the 4th Hand Brother feature. This one goes with a former pro athlete who showed up on Hand Lane one day with a brand new, blue, four-wheel drive, 1985 Ford Bronco. The vehicle had 17 miles on the odometer. The new owner took it to the Hand House as one of his first stops. Of course, The Bulletin is referencing former BDFLer – the Wizardz Winnerz personality – Jeff Parks. He had completed an All-American high school career at Gardendale High School, and then an impressive SEC stint at Auburn. Parks was drafted into the NFL by the Houston Oilers. After he signed, he got a new vehicle. He would drive it to the beach full of a couple of Hand Brothers and others… reading a folded Sports Illustrated across the steering wheel… going through traffic… it was pretty scary. Other than Parks not being able to drive, he spent a lot of time at the Hand House. Mary Ann Hand (Babo) bought a bigger couch for him (‘cause she thought he’d break the old one). He learned about NASCAR from Donald Hand. “Mr. Hand,” he asked, “Why do you hate Ford’s?” But, the Ford Bronco sat in the driveway a lot. He hung out mostly with Jaimie, but Chris was around a lot those years too, and Bullet would occasionally golf with Parks. He brought a gallon of milk one time to pay back Babo. And, after a year of trepidation, he joined the BDFL for a number of years before moving away to Tampa. Beach trips, golfing and a Rolling Stones concert at Legion Field… he was definitely around enough to be the 4th Hand Brother. Driver 8 – R.E.M. – Fables of the Reconstruction – Circa 1985: “And the train conductor said, take a break Driver 8. Driver 8, take a break. We’ve been on this shift too long.”