The Bulletin

Morgan Academy captain Milton Hand (7) striking fear into the hearts of the AISA and the JrBDFL

Mayors Maul ‘Dillos in A.W. Fashion:

The Magic City Mayors completely and totally dominated the Duncanville Armadillos in Week Four action in the BDFL. This one was not close. It was actually an epic A.W. by all definitions and interpretations. The Cronies are playing some inspired fantasy football early in 2022, and the ‘Dillos just happened to be on the very short end of this one (and that’s not a short person joke). The Cronies have a pretty high total point total, but the win only improved the Mayors record to 2-2 on the young season. K.P. has been preoccupied with planning a wedding, and planning a trip to T-Town to catch the Alabama vs. A&M game in primetime Saturday Night. Prewitt’s itinerary is a hotly sought out publication at press time. The Bulletin is reporting – based on numerous anonymous sources – that the KP Caravan plans to stop in Selma Friday night for the homecoming game at Morgan Academy.  

Dogs Remain Undefeated by Biting ‘Nauts, 35-26:

Loyal readers of The Bulletin and bloggers all across fantasy football websites and social media platforms, still can’t believe that the only remaining undefeated team in the BDFL is the Brookside Dogs. It’s true the Dogs have started hot this season. Midway through the NFL games on Sunday it looked like Allyson’s “bunch of girls,” were going to defeat the Brookside Dogs. However, the Dogs made some adjustments in the middle of all the action and rallied to post a clutch 35-26 vict’ry over the Nauts. Dog took the celebration of the win, and 4-0 start straight to cyberspace with campaigns, pennants, and balloon animals, and posting all of the BDFL’s exact math and spreadsheets utilized by @$$ to calculate the final scores. He’s even contacted the law firm of Slowees, Kittle, & Gooch to see if the BDFL Front Office and the “iron handed” Commissioner can just call the season now, and hand out the prizes.  

Freebirds Fly Past Mildcats:

Jammin’ Jaimie Hand took over the old WVUA-FM, V-91 Studio this past weekend and started rocking with some old honk, classic metal, and Southern Fried Rock on the duel turntables. His Fultondale Freebirds got so fired up that they went out on Sunday and flew past the Western Hills Wildcats, 31-25. This one was not at close as the final score would indicate, as the F’birds took their foot off the petal late and let the Biocats close the final margin. In the end, it was a key vict’ry for the Freebirds and a tough to swallow loss for the “James Gang.” In fact, it was Hime’s first win of the season, and cooled the hot seat talk a little from his moaning, complaining, and over zealous fan base, the “Double Bird Nation.”  

Sloths Slam Bullets:

The Bullets were no match for the fired up Sloths in Week Four in the BDFL. The Bullerino’s team just kind of “sleep walked” through the weekend and barely broke out of single digits on Monday Night Football. By the time the final score was posted on all of the various Internet sites and the award-winning TheBDFL.com, Bullet was headed back to the Black Belt, carrying a 3-game losing streak. Meanwhile, Bullet’s play-by-play team – the Morgan Academy Senators – have rattled off 3-straight wins (all on the road), and put themselves in the playoff conversations in the tiny, AISA. On the other side of the ball, Mukes took the vict’ry in stride – slow strides – and didn’t really want to show anyone up after the game. He just whipped his vehicle out on the four lane and stopped at the first place that had a beer and a burger to celebrate the “W”.

Butch and Cheetahs Embarrass Barry and Bandits:

The Toilet Seat Team of the Weak goes to the Altadena Bandits. Old Barry was upset enough with the passing of Queen Elizabeth the Ocho, and the NFL playing a game in merry, old, England. Then he watched his Bandits go out in Week Four and stink it up on the cyber gridiron. Butch and his sleek and fast Sin Wagon, rolled all over the Bandits, graciously accepting the generosity of the Bandits. After just four weeks of BDFL action, these teams appear to be heading in different directions, as the Cheetahs improved to 3-1 on the young season while the Bandits drop to 1-3.  

PowerSleds Blindsided by the Bellcows:

The Fairfield PowerSleds are out of answers. Mad Jack is beside himself following Week Four action in the BDFL. His “Mean Machine” was blindsided by the Fieldstown Bellcows this weekend, 30-17. The Sleds couldn’t block, tackle, or get out of their own way and the Bellcows took advantage of every missed opportunity by the PowerSleds. Both teams are now at 2-2 on the season, but Belrose has momentum going forward, while the Sleds are shaking their heads, pointing fingers, and bad-mouthing their coaches, alumni, and athletic supporters.  

Grenadiers and Blitz Battle to the End in Edgewood:

Ancient Edgewood and scenic Homewood neighbors battled tooth and nail in Week Four. This one went back-and-forth in see-saw fashion beginning on Thursday Night and not relenting until the final whistle of Monday Night Football. It was a big game for both teams. Each had started the season staggering out of the gate to 1-2 starts, and not wanting to fall to 1-3. The Commissioner’s Gut Grenades took an early lead, but they couldn’t shake the Fritz Gritz Blitz, which kept coming with the “viper” and the “cobra” and various other exotic blitzes. In the end, the Red Baron scored just enough points to top the Bomb Squad by two, 29-27.  

Blue Deacons Edge Gamblers:

Another epic contest in Week Four in the Big Daddy Football League took place in woebegone Blount County. The Mt. High Blue Deacons entertained the Dixie Mafia in a winner-take-all, bare-knuckle brawl with no time limit and no disqualifications. It lived up to the hype. The Gulf Coast Gamblers came off the canvas more than one time to give the Heavy Duty Bishop Squad (HDBS) all they could handle. The Deacons just couldn’t put the Gamblers away. The game just kept on rolling and ebbing and flowing and the crowd at the Hayden Hayfields really got their money’s worth. In the end, the Blue Deacons had just enough left in the tank to notch a 27-26 vict’ry.  

Meanwhile in the JrBDFL:

In the Junior League, half the teams won in Week Four, and half lost, and one of those losers was Matthew Hand’s Selma Southpaws, who are 0-4 on the season. It’s homecoming week for Milton, the President of the Junior Class at Morgan Academy, and he’s dressing for the occasion – every day.  

Tide QB Trend:

Two of the three Alabama NFL quarterbacks are hurt, but Jalen Hurts is still undefeated as the Philadelphia Eagles are the only unbeaten team in the National Football League through four weeks.

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