Freebirds embarrassed again:

From the only A.W. to the Toilet Seat Team of the Weak in the Toilet Seat Game of the Week, the Freebirds and the Armadillos set fantasy football back a couple of decades, when they used to look up box scores on Tuesday morning in the USA Today (that’s a newspaper – still has a pretty good online version). In Week Three, the Freebirds were embarrassed by the Duncanville Armadillos, 25-12. Old Bocephus, who used to be Chief Kawliga, and is now lead-singer Ronnie (Skynyrd) Van Zant, is still searching for an identity in 2022. Jaimie said, “After further review and double checking, my team still has more holes in it than one Butch or Alan’s old concert t-shirts.”

Sloths top Grenadiers in horrible Hand weekend:

Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie all lost in Week Three. As we mentioned, Jaimie’s Freebirds fell to the ‘Dillos. The Commissioner succumbed to the Sloth Monsters, and (as you’ll see) the Bullets dropped a close one to the Western Hills Wildcats. So, it was a rough weekend for the proud Hands. The Mineral Springs Grenadiers almost failed to show up against the Three Toed Tree Dwellers. Mukes captured the vict’ry 24-15, and moved onto the next thing on his agenda (which is classified, The Bulletin know what it is, but cannont divulge it at this particular time). Meanwhile, Iron Hand is reportedly threatening scholarships, looking at the waiver wire, and contemplating cleaning house.

Bullets Edged by Wildcats:

Not until the final whistle sounded on Monday Night did the Bullets give up the fight. The Bullets lost the fight. The official points system for the BDFL originally reported it as an overtime game that the Bullerino lost to the “James Gang.” Upon further review, the Wildcats actually won in regulation by a slim 25-23 margin over the Boys from Benton. So, Bullet’s losing streak goes to two-straight, and after just three weeks, it looks like the Wildcats may actually be a contender – too soon to tell – maybe… but the ‘Cats fans are choosing to be believers.

Nauts knock off Mayors on the road:

Quick Question: Who is the only BDFL undefeated team three weeks into the 2022 season? Yes, the headline gave it away, and The Bulletin buried the lead. Stuff happens, and sometimes it happens when you don’t look down where you are stepping. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it, but does everyone know that the Jugtown Juggernauts are the only unbeaten team in the BDFL. A.E.’s team approached it like a Dental Clinic in the late 1970s, and walked into Legion Field like they owned it. Therefore, the ‘Nauts were able to blindside the Magic City Mayors on their home field, and earn a 7-point lead at the Old Grey Lady. Alan didn’t mind the loss too much, but he did say that he never had a concert t-shirt with a hole in it. EDITOR'S NOTE: The Brookside Dogs are undefeated and 3-0 as well, but we here at The Bulletin never let the truth get in the way of a good editorial.

Butch echoes concert shirt comment after BDFL vict’ry:

“We’re on to Fayettenam,” said Butch after Alabama’s 55-3 win over Vandy, and again after his 20-15 vict’ry against the Fultondale Bellcows. (Belrose played too long in the blue-and-white Fultondale Metro uniforms to be considered Fieldstown material by The Bulletin – even though he lived on Lane Drive in Fieldstown). The Sin Wagon signal-caller was asked about his concert attire from the 1980s after the game, and he said he really couldn’t remember going out of the house with any holes in his concert shirts. Also, Butch has been married since anyone can remember, and he probably had nice t-shirts to wear. EDITOR'S NOTE: Lee Hodges lived in Fieldstown his entire life and The Bulletin still doesn't consider him "Fieldstown" material.

PowerSleds limp by Bishops:

The Fairfield PowerSleds reviewed the film and still can’t figure out how they won a football game in Week Three of the BDFL season. The “Mean Machine” couldn’t block, tackle, or catch a pass this past weekend, but they managed an ugly 16-12 win against the Mt. High Blue Deacons. Mad Jack loves the whirl of the old 15-mm projector, what he saw on the screen though may have set cyber-football back some. As for the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) they are sooooooo busy with their old refrigerator repair shop and their new wild meat processing conglomerate that they can barely make it to the Old House to bring D.K. a beer, watch a race, an NFL game, and talk about the failure of the Hand Brothers in Week Three.

In old roomie match-up, Old Barry beats Dog in OT:

Not since 1984, when sparks flew off Old Barry’s Nintendo, have these two former roommates come face-to-face in a battle like this one. The old, giant speakers at Apartment 21 would blast your eardrums off at 19 and go off at 22, so 21 was a workable setting. Mark’s Mutts stopped at 21 in Week Three in BDFL action and Barry’s Smoky & the Bandits eased off the throttle at 21 too. So, the match-up between Barry and Bird Dog went into overtime. Johnny Reb in his camo’s came down from a few apartments down to complain about the noise, but he ended up helping the Bandits and Dogs settle their dispute with Old Barry getting the vict’ry. EDITOR'S NOTE: We don't know how many cough drops this writer had while covering this game, but be sure his head was full of Menthol-Lyptus during the overtime period since the Dogs took this vict'ry from the jowls of defeat.

Meanwhile in the JrBDFL:

In the Junior League, the dozen franchises play in cyberspace with multi transactions possible on a week-by-week basis. They completely accept the rules of a multi-conglomerate media entity that sets up the league’s system, and calculates the weekly points. And, the JrBDFLers apparently like it. So, it’s all about the kids, and they are having fun. Except for maybe Matthew Hand, who is 0-3, and reeling with possibly his worst team in the short 4-5 year run of the JrBDFL. There’s plenty of time to turn it around. Meanwhile, his sister, Meredith Hand is off to a hot start at 3-0. “The kids are alright,” said The Who.