Cheetahs notch week’s only A.W.:

The Southside Cheetahs flexed their muscles in Week 14 in the BDFL. Coming off two super weekends by his beloved Crimson Tide, most experts were expecting a drop off by Butch Neal. It did not happen. The revved up and “souped up,” Sin Wagon was rolling downhill like a snowball headed for hell. The Jugtown Juggernauts were the victim of the collision. It wasn’t pretty. The Cheetahs unleased a brutal attack on the ‘Nauts, and the felines didn’t stop until it reached A.W. proportions. Allyson did not know what hit her until she looked up and saw the bumper sticker on the Sin Wagon that read, “we brake for no one.” The final score: Cheetahs 43, Juggernauts 18.

The beat goes on for the Bellcows:

The Fieldstown Bellcows upset the Magic City Mayors. The old 60’s group – Sonny & Cher – sang about “I got you babe,” but they also had a tune that tried to encompass the times that said, “… and the beat goes on.” Well, if anyone has followed the Bellcows this season then this trend could refer to David Belrose’s fantasy football team and the beat down they’ve been putting on folks in the second half of the season. Left for dead earlier in 2023, the resurgence of the Bell Heads has been remarkable. They just keep on winning games. In Week 14 in the BDFL, the Magic City Mayors were the last to fall victim to the surging Bellcows. This one was high-scoring and a bit of a see-saw affair, but the Bellcows came out on top over the Cronies, 37-28. Both of these teams are safely in the “contenders” category as the BDFL’s regular season winds to an end.

Dogs disaster – “James Gang” reaches .500:

On the subject of upsets, the Western Hills Wildcats pulled off another one this past weekend in fantasy football. The “James Gang” (one of three white Jerome’s in the BDFL), knocked off the Brookside Dogs in a close contest, 25-23. That was the old Van Tiffin game, “the kick,” final score from 1985. Ironically, two of the participants in that Iron Bowl Game (Curt Jarvis and Jeff Parks) were in attendance at Jaimie Hand’s 60th Birthday Party at the Old House on Hand Lane in Fieldstown, while the two players in this BDFL game (Mark Burr and Jerry James) were not at the aforementioned party. The Bulletin assumes that they were in last-minute preparations for their Sunday afternoon battle in the BDFL. It looks like whatever plans the Wildcats came up with worked enough for them to steal a vict’ry, while “Mark’s Mutts” continued their late season, downhill slide. The win for the “James Gang,” pushed their season to the .500 mark in the win-loss column and above any danger of falling victim to the old, proverbial “Bullet Rule.”

Bullets stink it up – Drop blowout loss to Barnes & Company:

Who seems to always be flirtin’ with disaster, and flirtin’ with the “Bullet Rule,” every year, late in the BDFL regular season. If the answer you were thinking of was the Benton Bullets, then give yourself a pat on the back. That is correct, according to the award-winning The Bulletin. In fact, under the old rules – just amended this past off-season – the Bullets would already be eliminated from the Big Daddy Championship Series under their namesake regulation. However, with a record of 6-8, the Old Bullerino is still alive (and that strikes fear into a segment of the BDFL, and you know who you are). How did the Bullets fall to 6-8? Good question, they sucked hind tit on a boar hog in Week 14, scored only 4-points, and claimed the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.” Who benefitted? Actually, not really the Fairfield PowerSleds, who won the game, 23-4. But, “Mad Jack’s” team has already been eliminated under the – you guessed it again – the Bullet Rule. No, the “middle of the road” teams benefitted and still have a chance to make the “Big Dance,” if the Benton Bullets falter. Try to keep up.

Bocephus beats daBlitz:

Meet the first team to benefit if the Bullets are eliminated: Jammin’ Jaimie Hand (who just turned 60). Hime’s Fultondale Freebirds eked out a 15-14 win in Week 14. The F’birds flew around a number of obstacles and caught the Druid City Blitz at just the right time to secure a one-point vict’ry. What’s the right time to “pick up daBlitz?” It seems the answer to that question is – right after a late-night party at the Old House. Fritz and his Gritz Blitz were just a little groggy on Sunday afternoon after a late night in Fieldstown. Da Blitz was blindsided by the F’birds, and old Bocephus’ team escaped with a “W.” Jaimie and his literal son – Nic – who lives in the figurative basement are both hoping that the Benton Bullets fall victim to the “Bullet Rule,” thus creating an “extra” spot in the BDCS. (Thanks for paying attention).

Bandits double up Grenadiers:

The aftereffects of the party had differing results for the Altadena Bandits and the Mineral Springs Grenadiers, both of which earned BDFL social points by attending the gala event. It seems that Old Barry was buoyed by the fellowship, camaraderie, and lack of heavy duty B.S. (aside from Bishop’s input) resulting from the get together. While on the other hand (pardon the pun), the Commissioner – Iron Hand – did not slip away unscathed. The Grenadiers did not play well on Sunday, and when you don’t play well in this league you lose (aside from Jaimie in Week 14 – who must be living right). At any rate, the Bandits beat the *Hand Grenades, 36-18. (Formerly, the Green Springs Hand Grenades, which like a lot of pro and college teams, was actually a pretty good nickname, but the “powers that be,” didn’t think so, and The Bulletin is trying a “grass roots” effort to get him to change it back.) EDITOR’S NOTE: “Mercenaries” as a new team nickname for this club is on the table as a compromising offer. Not much fanfare has been received on either end.

‘Dillos top Gamblers by a TD:

No figurative, cyber, or invisible social points will be deducted from the Gamblers or the Armadillos for missing Jaimie’s wonderful, sensational, and epic birthday party. It’s simply too far and everyone associated with the BDFL understands that situation. Well, maybe not Jaimie, but he’ll get over it – just send your present. Meanwhile, back in the world of starters, standings, drama, rules, regulations, and rank & file… the Duncanville Armadillos topped the Gulf Coast Gamblers by a touchdown, winning in dramatic fashion, 28-22. The ‘Dillos are most likely headed to the BDCS, where they hope to make some noise, while the Dixie Mafia will be home for the holidays and hoping for some proverbial peace and quiet.

Sloths scoring and soaring to vex the Vulcans:

The Bulletin put the BDFL’s “high point” man last. It buried the lead, in journalism terminology. Sometimes, the best goes last. In Week 14 in fantasy football, the Sloth Monsters led all teams with 44-points. The young, but naïve North Birmingham Vulcans put up a fight, but they were no match for the “Son of Slim.” The Three Toed Tree Dwellers soared in the penultimate weekend of the regular season in the BDFL. Even though Muke’s team had already been eliminated from the BDCS, they dug deep and rolled to an impressive win. Like the elevator business, the Sloths have been “up and down,” in their years in the league. But, you can always expect Old Mukes to be there, inspiring his troops, and getting the very best effort out of his Sloths – who sometimes have a hard time holding onto stuff – with just three digits and no plausible thumbs. Nic Hand’s Vulcans found this out the hard way in defeat in Week 14. Speaking of Hands…

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 13:

MUKES. Yep. It’s Mukes’ turn. A teammate to Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie. Invited into the BDFL by the eldest Hand Brother. Slept on the couch for 6 weeks in Montgomery in the apartment of the middle Hand Brother. And, he was a roommate in Tuscaloosa with the youngest Hand Brother. All of that qualifies Michael Hewlett Dismukes as an honorary or Fourth Hand Brother, but it goes much, much, deeper and that’s scary for Mukes and equally as frightening for Chris, Bullet, and Jaimie, with the youngest two practically being “honorary Muke’s brothers.” According to The Bulletin, it cuts both ways. The Bulletin doesn’t really have enough space to go into all the exploits involving Jaimie and Mukes, nor can it legally go down the road of all the adventures of Mukes and Bullet. The Bulletin has included these “Fourth Hand Brother” paragraphs this season, and been able to go into a lot of stories without really incriminating anyone or hurting anyone’s feelings, but this edition is going to require some special journalism. So, we’re just going to list some stuff… and if you know it, you know it (if you don’t – ask a Hand or another BDFLer). –Chris crow-hopping from shortstop in softball; -Bullet and the Christmas train; -Harry’s; -The octagon; -the Grenada; -Hueytown’s field goal rush; -Baptist Montclair; -watermelons, light bulbs, nails; -Mike’s; -Mr. Slim; -Slim in T-Town; -Slim at J.T. Roberts; -Slim at Larry’s BBQ in Dothan; -with Albert; -chips and milk; -on the couch; -pitchers at Harry’s; -the Sloth Monsters; -sumbitch is open; -entre; -shark tattoos; -hit the egg; and –snap the $#@%*!& ball Mukes! EDITOR’S NOTE: Inexperienced writer forgot -Worm pill and -high school scouting.

Week 14 in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Bulletin has nothing to report on the Junior League. “Birds gotta fly, fish gotta fry.”