Upset City! Vulcans kick Cheetahs:

The Bulletin for Week 11 begins with an upset. Nic Hand might just be one-quarter Slovak*, but his Vulcans “kicked a touchdown,” this past weekend, and on center stage – at midfield – at Legion Field, and the North Birmingham Vulcans celebrated an upset vict’ry over the Southside Cheetahs like they had just won the World Bowl. The one, and only World Bowl was played at the Old Gray Lady in the mid-70s, and the Birmingham Americans defeated the Florida Blazers (coached by Jack Pardee), 22-21. Well, the Vulcans (formerly the Americans) defeated the Cheetahs, 22-20, in Week 11 in the BDFL. It was a monumental win for the young, but naïve Vulcans. The Sin Wagon took the loss in stride recognizing the historical significance of a Slovensky* descendant winning on the hallowed ground – er turf – of Legion Field by a slim, field goal margin. After the vict’ry, Nic’s teammates picked him up and carried him off the field in triumph, while the hometown fans chanted his name. It was the penultimate moment in the early career of BDFL rookie Nic Hand, and one of the highlights of Week 11 in the BDFL.

 Freebirds get Top Gun but not top billing:

Hime Hand’s son stole the headlines this past weekend, but that didn’t seem to matter too much to the Fultondale Freebirds who were flying high and feeling mean… they were kicking A and taking names… and letting their “actions speak louder than words.” The Freebirds took the names of the Duncanville Armadillos after a thrilling 38-31 vict’ry. K.P. & Company had a bone to pick with the BDFL front office and namely the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM). The ‘Dillos would have defeated a dozen other BDFL teams in Week 11, but were matched against the F’birds and that was a recipe for disaster, or at least a loss. Ol’ Bocephus claimed the “Top Gun” award of the week, that he will no doubt place by his 1981 GHS Family Buffet “Player of the Year,” award on his mantle. And, since Nic is living at home, he’ll have to see it and wonder why the Vulcans got top billing over the Freebirds in the weekend before Thanksgiving 2023 in the NFL and in fantasy football.    

Dogs drop second straight – Blindsided by da Blitz:

The Brookside Dogs have been on top all season in the BDFL. They’ve been barking and biting for most of the season, but November hasn’t been good to Mark’s Mutts. After a stellar start in 2023, the Dogs have now lost two straight. In Week 11, the Dogs were blindsided by the Druid City Blitz. Don’t look now, but daBlitz is building some momentum. Actually, Jerry Fritz’s team has been rolling all season, it’s just that the Red Barons have been flying under the radar especially in the hype machine department in cyber space. The “Gritz Blitz” is now 10-1 in the BDFL with the league’s best overall record, and daBlitz is third in the overall Total Points category. It’s been a banner year for the Blitz, who also lead the Yellow Hammer Division going into the big NFL Thanksgiving weekend.  

Bellcows win again gigging the Grenadiers:

The Fieldstown Bellcows were “dead in the water” four weeks ago. The Bell Heads were wondering aimlessly in the BDFL’s picturesque dewy meadow with seemingly no way to move up in the standings. And, The Bulletin notes that Belrose’s team is still in last place in the Rugged Red Neck Division. However, they have become competitive, they have notched a 6-5 winning record, and they have been winning some football games. In Week 11, the Bellcows gigged the Grenadiers 30-22 on the Mineral Springs team’s home field. The Commissioner’s team is now 2-9, and with one more loss, Iron Hand could be the first team to be eliminated from the Big Daddy Championship Series under the newly revised Bullet Rule. The vindictive, vengeful rule has doomed more teams than The Bulletin can count and the Commissioner has not been immune to it. So, we’ll see if the Commissioner puts his beloved Grenadiers on top of the Pucker Factor Poll as Turkey Day approaches. Gobble. Gobble.  

Sloths slide after losing “grip” against the Bandits:

Mukes has had a rough season in the BDFL. The Sloth Monsters have also fallen to 2-9 and onto the brink of elimination for the BDCS. The Three Toed Tree Dwellers lost an agonizingly close game to the Altadena Bandits this weekend by one point. The Sloths lost their grip, plain and simple. Old Barry’s Bandits were able to take advantage of the fact that the Sloths don’t have thumbs and sometimes can’t hold onto a limb, a thought, or a vict’ry in fantasy football. The Sloths now occupy the bottom spot in the Green Horn Division, just one-point below the Freebirds, and at the top of that group of teams is now the Bandits who are getting the black TransAm with T-Tops ready for the quarter-mile stretch run in the BDFL, and preparing to run like “greased lightning.” Go greased lightning your burning up the quarter mile. Go greased lightning you’re coasting through the heat lap trials (and you might, just might be ready for Lassiter Mountain).  

Wildcats resurgence crashes in Toilet Seat defeat:

Occupying the last place position in another division is the Western Hills Wildcats. The James Gang had a slight resurgence for a short period of time. (Note: The Bulletin has nothing against the vertically challenged members of the BDFL or society in general. Short is just an adjective that in some of these connotations means “not up to the mark,” or “falling a little away from the desired goal.” So, don’t take it personal Jerry, Dog, KP, or any other members of the league that are not as tall as other folks.) Back to the game, the Mildcats came up short against the Gulf Coast Gamblers, 15-12, but the Mildcats did stand tall in defeat, and proudly hold up the trophy that Jerry James was awarded in Week 11 in the BDFL, and that’s the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak.”  

Magic City Mayors get some Monday Night Magic:

The Benton Bullets stood toe-to-toe with the two-time defending champion Magic City Mayors. The Bullerino battled the Cronies face-to-face for four quarters. The match-up between these two members of the Magnificent Seven went to Monday Night Football, with the Bullets holding a slight edge over the Mayors. But, Bullet knew his team was in trouble. In 2022, the Bullets had Jalen Hurts, who has turned into a scoring machine behind the NFC’s best team, a bevy of excellent receivers, and the patented “Brotherly Shove” quarterback sneak play that has proved to be practically unstoppable in the NFL. Hurts ran for two scores on Monday Night Football (MNF), giving the Mayors the magic they were looking for – not to mention 12 points – and that was enough to push the Mayors past the Bullets 25-21.  

Mad Jack flattened here (flattered below) in Week 11’s Bulletin:

The Fairfield PowerSleds lost to the Jugtown Juggernauts by ten points in Week 11. The loss drops the Mean Machine to a League Low of 2-9 along with the Sloths and the Commissioner. That means the Sleds are one loss away from being eliminated from the Big Dance. Mad Jack thought his team was ready for their match-up with the ‘Nauts. But, it was a mismatch. The Sleds were flattened by Allyson Edwards and her fired up bunch of girls. The ‘Nauts celebrated from the Steel Mills of Fairfield all the way back to the gardens of Gardendale. Jack Slovensky was at a loss for words with his once-proud PowerSleds sliding to the brink of elimination.  

Week 11 in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

In the Junior League, Meredith, Matthew, & Milton are all home for the Thanksgiving Holiday. All lost in the JrBDFL’s Wee 11 action. None made any excuses. They took the loss, kept their heads up, and began working hard on how to attack the stretch portion of their fantasy football season.  

The Fourth Hand Brother – Part 10:

Jack Barnes it’s your turn. The Bulletin reporters once overheard Jack say, “We’re all from Gardendale.” It was to a group at the beach, or in a bar, or in New Orleans, or some place outside of Gardendale. Jack married a Gardendale girl, so the statement had some truth. Plus, Jack was displaced between Fairfield, Tuscaloosa, and Hoover for a period of time, and maybe even St. Petersburg, Florida. He was also displaced amongst the Hand Brothers long enough to almost be mistaken for one of ‘em in activities, actions, softball, sphere of influence, and road trips. The Van Tiffin Game probably brought Mad Jack into the fold of an Honorary Hand Brother, or the 4th Hand Brother. As Section 69 willed Alabama to improbable last-second drive, and a memorable, long, field goal… people’s hands were still stinging from Mad’s high fives. Flash forward almost 30 years, traveling with Bullet to Miami and tailgating outside the Orange Bowl with Chris (and A.E., and Dog, and Butch) for the 2012 Natty vs. ND. So euphoric were Mad and Bullet… they overshot the hotel exit by almost 30 miles… and nobody complained. (They also picked up Butch before the game in sunny Ft. Lauderdale, “go to the Atlantic Ocean, and make a left.”)