The Bulletin

Bullet with a fake Heisman Trophy in front of a fake background before Bama had a winner

Saban Quotes – BDFL Rolls:

The Bulletin has long since quoted old school football coaches, from Metro to high school, to college coaches. But, the one head coach that hasn’t received his own tribute in the award winning publication, is Alabama Head Football Coach, Nick Saban. So, in this week’s edition of The Bulletin, Nick Saban quotes are included to go with the game summaries from the most recent action in the Big Daddy Football League.  

Cheetahs Maul Gamblers 50-38 in ScoreFest:

The Southside Cheetahs and the Gulf Coast Gamblers locked into a score-a-thon that would have made two of Saban’s more recent offensive coordinators proud. In fact, the guys are both head coaches now, and have both held the prestigious head coaching position at USC. Lane Kiffin (Ole Miss) and Steve Sarkisian (Texas) would have loved the back-and-forth battle in Week 14 in the BDFL. Butch Neal and Kenny Breal matched wits and touchdowns all through the weekend. The game featured 88 total points. In the end, the Sin Wagon rolled up half-a-hundred and finally outscored the Dixie Mafia 50-38. The vict’ry just kept extending a fantastic season in the win-loss category for the Cheetahs, who pulled out to a BDFL-best 12-2 record on the 2021 season, clearing marking this group of felines as one of the favorites for the coveted Grand Daddy Trophy, which goes to the winner of the BDFL.  

1 Saban - “What happened yesterday is history. What happens tomorrow is a mystery. What we do today makes a difference - the precious present moment.”

BDFL Street Quote: “Make it a mystery… Stove it up your @$$, and see how it comes out.”  

Blitz Bombs Blue Deacons:

The Druid City Blitz bombed the Mt. High Blue Deacons like Doolittle’s Raiders bombing Tokyo. It was fast, it was precise, and it sent a clear message. The Fritz Gritz Blitz is becoming a factor down the stretch in the BDFL. The lopsided, 46-26 score was just one-point short of an official A.W. It vaulted DaBlitz to 8-6 on the season and most likely puts them into position to qualify for the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS), and on a quest to get their hands on the Helmet O’ Silver. At the same time – but not simultaneously – it helps them possibly escape mediocrity and the clutches of the Null Set Club.* Meanwhile in Blount County, the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS) is still wearing hip-waders to muddle through the sludge, manure, and excrement that makes the crops grow, but produces a foul stench in accordance with the Blue Deacons record this season. *Note – the Null Set Club is those BDFL franchises that have never won a BDFL Championship.  

2 Saban - “Mediocre people hate high achievers, and high achievers hate mediocre people.”  

BDFL Street Saying: “Fair to middling…” (actually means ‘slightly above average’)

Bullets Blindside Biocats:

After a regular marked by numerous Toilet Seat of the Week awards, the Benton Bullets look to be putting something together that amounts to, “too little, too late.” However, once time ran out on the Bullets and they were eliminated from the Big Dance last week, the Bullerino’s team decided to show up late. The Western Hills Wildcats were victims of this resurgence by the Bullets. The “James Gang” was blindsided by the Bullets in Week 14. The Bullets came off the edge like their hero, Will “Whoop @$$” Anderson, and sacked the BioCats on their way to notching a 42-27 vict’ry in a game marred by penalties, instant replay reviews, and “official protests.”  

3 Saban - “Be on time because it shows you care.”  

BDFL Quote: “He’s on Jerry time.”  

Sloths Slip – Lose Grip – Drop Decision to Freebirds:

The Freebirds in Week 14 squared off against the Sloths in an epic battle of old roommates. It was ugly, and it was ugly early. Hime Hand and Michael Huelett Dismukes sloshed around for three-and-a-half quarters trying to lose this game. In the end, the Sloth Monsters succeeded and fell to the Fultondale Freebirds by a touchdown, 30-24. The win boosted the Freebirds opportunity to make the Big Dance, whereas – and here-to-for – the loss for the Three Toed Tree Dwellers means they will have to get a vict’ry next weekend to even have the opportunity to qualify for the 2021 Big Daddy Championship.  

4 Saban - “We have got to use every opportunity to improve individually so we can improve collectively.”  

BDFL (GHS) Saying: “Opportunity” (Ed Bruce’s system of punishment, where by players had the ‘opportunity’ to get yourself out of the dog house or pay off some sort of team penalty by running your @$$-off after practice.)  

‘Dillos Disappoint – Score Single Digits in Defeat:

Only one A.W. was recorded in Week 14, and it was a doozie. The previously dejected Duncanville Armadillos had another reason to despair this past weekend in the BDFL. Kurt Prewitt’s team was previously dejected because they’ve long-since been eliminated from the BDCS. This past weekend, K.P. & Company had another reason to despair due to the fact that they only scored in single digits. Those factors or exponents or products added up to the sum of another loss for the disappointing ‘Dillos. The Fairfield PowerSleds defeated the ‘Dillos, 31-5, in what turned out to be an A.W. The “little ol’ Team from Texas” just played horrible, and the Mean Machine started slow, but started to grow. By the end of Monday Night Football, Mad Jack Barnes’ fantasy football version of the process, paid dividends in the form of discipline, hustle, focus, teamwork, tenacity, and camaraderie and a big vict’ry in the win column.  

5 Saban - “Focus on the process of what it takes to be successful.”  

BDFL Quote: “Put your hand on the line.”  

The Pain Bowl – Dogs Dump Bellcows:

Two teams with one foot in the Mullet Bowl and one foot on a banana peel: the Dogs and the Bellcows had to play in Week 14, due to BDFL rules and the pre-arranged calendar of events set forth by the Dreaded Schedule Maker. So, in what The Bulletin is calling the “Pain Bowl,” the Dogs and Bellcows slugged it out. Both “Mark’s Mutts” and “Belrose’s Heifers” have experienced pain in 2021. Each has long been eliminated from the Big Dance and relegated to lower feeder mentality for the stretch run this season. The Dogs and the Bellcows lived up to recent underachievement this past Sunday, but a winner had to be declared, and the Dogs escaped with a 23-17 win over the Bell Heads.  

6 Saban - “There are two pains in life. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you can handle the pain of discipline, then you'll never have to deal with the pain of disappointment.”  

BDFL Saying: “Prediction… PAIN!” (Stolen fair and square from Clubber Lang in Rocky III)  

In Big Mullet Precursor - Bandits Rally Past ‘Nauts:

All week, the North Jefferson News and Gardendale Cablevision had been talking about how the favored Altadena Bandits were better than the Jugtown Juggernauts. The local media built up the favored Barry Bandits and janked on the out-manned Juggernauts. Stephenson’s team actually started to read their own clippings – despite locked into a BDFL position that had them ticketed for the Big Mullet Series. At game time on Sunday, the ‘Nauts came out fired up – fueled by “yummy” rat poison, that they didn’t have a chance. The initial score favored of A.E. over B.S. by a narrow, 23-21 martin. However, Monday Night Football rolled around (any maybe the BDFL scoring system was checked for errors and hanging chads) and the Bandits rallied for a 30-23 vict’ry. The Bandits thought about storming the field, only to realize, they’d “been there before,” and graciously accepted a BDFL win.  

7 Saban - “You guys gave us a lot of really positive rat poison. The rat poison that you usually give us is usually fatal. But the rat poison that you put out there this week was yummy.”  

BDFL Saying: “Ya’ll been reading your press clippings all week.”  

Grenadiers Count Chickens Too Soon – Swoon Late to Mayors, 46-26:

Now, back to the upper echelon: it’s been a dream season for the Mineral Springs Grenadiers. The Commissioner’s team has marched in step this year, and they’ve closed ranks and kept going when the chips were down. The result has been a Total Points lead in the BDFL and double-digit wins for the Grenadiers. All of Mineral Springs and Republic and Dog Town and parts of Coalburg have flocked to see the Grenadiers in action. They created a stir that reached Birmingham, and in Week 14 in the BDFL, the Bomb Squad (like UGa) pulled out to an early lead on Sunday against the Magic City Mayors. This was a grudge match that wasn’t decided until the the second half and into the fourth quarter, (read: MNF) when Chris Hand’s team finally wore down and the city slickers managed to come away with a vict’ry by the final score of 46-26.  

8 Saban - "They ran through our @$$ like $#!) through a tin horn, man.  

BDFL Saying: “Urinate on it.”  

9 Saban - “Make his @$$ quit.”  

BDFL Quote: “Quitters never win – Winners never quit.”  

Week 14 the Jr BDFL - “It’s all about the kids.”

Meanwhile in the Junior League, all of the Hands of Benton won their respective games in the JrBDFL, so it was a nice start to the holiday decorating season in Lowndes County. The Bulletin buried the lead in regards to the local fantasy football league for teenagers. The post-season has already been set. The Final Four in the JrBDFL are Ethan Arrington (top seed), Matthew Hand, Hayden Roberts, and Wade Mason. If you’re scoring at home (and we know you are), that’s three outta four from the Morgan Academy Class of ’22. The playoff brackets in the junior stretch in two-week increments.  

Photo Caption: Saban may be a pitchman for Aflac, and Bryce Young may have won the Heisman Trophy, but before that Bullet beat ‘em all to the punch. (And even won a BDFL game in Week 14 – read about it in The Bulletin). FYI...We never go with these photo captions because they are too long and never get to the point and Aflac isn't a corporate partner of the BDFL.

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