The Bulletin - Week 15 - The Jednota

Top Seeded Armadillos Crush Championship Dreams of Slovaks:

In a surprising turn of events in 2016, the Oak Mountain Fighting Slovaks finished the regular season with a winning record and captured the weak-@$$ Green Horn Division. However, reality struck the EuroTrash Talkers in the First Round of the Big Daddy Championship Series. The bottom-seeded Slovaks (go figure) had to face the Top Seeded Duncanville Armadillos, and even on an ‘off’ weekend for the Dominating ‘Dillos, they easily raced – or waddled – past the Pi Cap Caravan. Then, for good measure – led by his beloved Carolina Panthers – K.P.’s ‘Dillos poured it on, on Monday Night Football to make it a consensus “A.W.” 38-13. “Text Adam, that, That is what an A.W. is, an @$$-whippin.” So, ASlo will have to cut back on the cyber-chat as his team enters the consolation portion of the BDCS Bracket. As for K.P. & Company, their first BDFL Championship is within reach with just two more vict’ries.

Mayors Maul Commissioner:

It’s been a “magic” season for the Magic City Mayors. Not “magic” as in “hocus pocus,” and abracadabra, or any kind of illusionist activity or the sleight of hand type situation. No, the 2016 season has been “magic” for the Cronies in that they have found a way to win on most Sunday’s (or Monday Night’s) and have put lots of points on the scoreboard. Neither trend found any difficulty in the First Round of the Big Dance. The Mayors easily out-scored the Mineral Springs Grenadiers to advance. Upon further review, it’s the Gut Grenades who lived a charmed life in the regular season, and had to deal with the reality that they really just were not that good this season… good enough to get to the Show, but not good enough to do any damage at the upper end of the BDFL spectrum.

Peaking at the Right Time; Woosiers Top Cheetahs:

The entire, year-round strategy for the Smoke Rise Woosiers is “not to peak too soon.” Just like Spicoli in Fast Times, “no shoes, no shirt, no problem.” The Woo Crew has laid low for almost the entire season, won enough games, and scored enough points to reach the BDCS. And, then, unleashed wrath upon unsuspecting opponents. In the quarterfinals (or the first round of the playoffs), Tommy T.’s Team opened up a can on the Southside Cheetahs, and by the time the Sin Wagon got back on track and mounted any sort of comeback, it was the old story of “too little, too late” for Butch Neal and his valiant pack of Cheetahs.

Dogs and ‘Nauts Battle to the Wire:

In a big first round battle between perennial Null Set franchises, it was a proverbial brawl between the Brookside Dogs and the Jugtown Juggernauts. This game was back and forth beginning on Thursday Night and stretching all through the weekend and into Monday Night Football before the outcome could be determined. And, even then WARTS had to count some hanging chads, and review a few different excel spreadsheets, to fully understand what the data was demonstrating between Dog and Allyson in the first round of the BDCS. The evidence suggests the following: “you can take the thug outta Brookside, but you can’t take Brookside outta the thug.” Burr’s Bulldogs had one final chance at vict’ry on Monday Night, trailing 20-19 to the ‘Nauts, with (WR) tight end, Jordan Reed playing. However, with :26 to go in the 3rd quarter and the Redskins in the Red Zone, Reed got thrown out of the game for throwing a punch that looked like something right out of Main Street in Brookside by John Foster, or Dodie Goode, or Booger Bass, or Jonathan Carroll, or even rocker Terry Torrence. With Reed outta the game, there was no hope for the Dogs, and they lost 20-19. They’re losing streak continues another year. Then, to add insult to severe injury, the Dogs were awarded the weekly “Bonehead” award. The former Super Banker and current President and CEO of rubber-making giant, Synaflex, left WR Jarvis Landry “on the bench.” All Landry did was catch and run a TD from over 50-yards for a precious 6-BDFL points that would’ve given the Dogs the vict’ry in the first round of the Big Daddy Championship Series. Ouch!

Meanwhile, in the Mullet…

The Benton Bullets put an A.W. on the Gulf Coast Gamblers. “I knew I’d put an @$$ whipping on somebody in the Big Mullet Series,” said a confident Bullerino. Bullet’s little brother, Bocephus, suffered an embarrassing, although close loss to the Fairfield Powersleds and the Druid City Blitz was blown out by Mukes’ Three Toed Tree Dwellers. In the final match-up of Round One down at the FloraBama on the Gulf Coast, the Wildcats got the “W” over the Wizards, 36-31.

“It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr. BDFL, in the second round of the playoffs did not disappoint (see below).

Round Two:

The Selma Southpaws, who missed getting a first round bye by one-point rallied to defeat the Hooks & Lures, 31-27. The biggest upset in the 2^nd round was the 7^th seeded Lowndes County Labs topping the Winston County Walkers by a touchdown, 40-33. The top-seeded Preserve Onion Turtles continued to roll by whipping the Hoover Triple Threats and the Birmingham Barn Burners had the biggest week, scoring 61-points on their way to beating the defending champion Rebel City Netters, 61-38.

Scores:

Jr. BDFL Playoff Bracket