The Bulletin - Week 13 - Yoy, Yoy, Yoy

Armadillos Blow Out Bullets:

Bullet’s mistake was getting off the bus. Actually, the Benton Bullets were playing at home, but they were never in this game after the coin toss, which was jointly conducted by Gene Stallings, Steve Spurrier, and Larry “Dr. Pepper” Culpepper. Bullet used the lure of Lowndes County hunting to get the trio to travel to Benton from Atlanta to attend this BDFL game following the SEC Championship Game in Atlanta. It was a disaster for Bullet. As for K.P. and his Angry Armadillos, they administered a first-class A.W. to the Bullets, 41-6, in a game that was never close. With the vict’ry, the ‘Dillos move to 11-2 on the season with a virtual lock on the Number One seed going into the Big Daddy Championship Series in two weeks. The loss drops Bullet to 6-7 and on the brink of elimination from the BDCS under the proverbial Bullet Rule.

Grenadiers Explode Against Sloths:

In another A.W., the Mineral Springs Grenadiers jerked a knot in the Silver Lakes Sloth Monsters in Week 13. The Commissioner routed the Three Toed Tree Dwellers on the road by a final score of 37-9. Talk about teams going in different directions, ol’ Iron Hand may have his best team ever, improving to 9-4 with the blow out vict’ry, while Mukes’ squad tries to slither under a rock and hide with an embarrassing 2-11 record, a spot in the Big Mullet Series (BMS), and more A.W.’s in 2016 than you can count with a 1969 Texas Instruments pocket calculator.

Wooden Warriors Rise Up to Bomb Brookside Dogs:

In another stunning A.W. in Week 13, the beleaguered Black Creek Wooden Warriors bombed the Brookside Dogs. And, it’s funny because the Dogs are actually half-way decent this year (7-6 record) and the Woodies are pretty… that’s pretty ugly (3-10 record). It kinda just illustrates – in one small manner – how a Hand outranks a Burr. The Tribe is going to celebrate this vict’ry, while the Dogs concentrate on the bigger picture concerning potentially moving on to the BDCS and attempting to break their 21-year losing streak in the BDFL, and escaping the Null Set Club.

Woosiers Top Cheetahs:

The Smoke Rise Woosiers picked up a crucial win in Week 13. The Woo Crew topped the Southside Cheetahs to advance 7-6 on the season, and avoid any kind of conflicts with the Bullet Rule. So, now all Tommy T. & Company have to worry about is finishing in the Top Eight in the Total Points category, so they can move on to the Big Dance, where they can employ their age-old strategy of “not peaking too soon.” Meanwhile, Butch was living it up in Atlanta, awaiting the BDFL Playoffs and the College Football Playoffs. Now, if there was only a place in that town where he could kill a little time waiting for Bama’s next game.

Gamblers Keep Hope Alive by Edging Mildcats:

The Gulf Coast Gamblers staved off elimination for at least another week by edging the Mildcats, while at the same time officially sending the James Gang to the Big Mullet Series (BMS). That’s not a bad weekend’s work for the Real Deal. The final score at Glen Oaks Park read, 16-14, in favor of the visiting dice rollers. The vict’ry inches the Gamblers up to 6-7 on the season, so they avoid elimination under the Bullet Rule, as simultaneously giving the Where Are They Now Wildcats their 8th loss, thereby guaranteeing the BioCats a spot in the BMS. In the immortal words of the Gulf Coast’s own Forrest Gump, “That’s all I got to say about that.”

Blitz Outscores Wizards:

In a match-up of two 4-8 teams already destined for the BMS, The Druid City Blitz appeared to get the best of the Pasco County Wizards down in Tampa Town. So, the math is easy on this one. Fritz Gritz Blitz moves to 5-8, and Merlin drops to 4-9, but in good shape to host a number of his Tide friends for the College Football Playoff National Championship Game next month at nearby Raymond James Stadium (The New Big Sombrero)

Mayors Defeat Slovaks to Slow ASlo Online Rants:

Did the Magic City Mayors do everyone a favor by shutting down and shutting up the EuroTrash Talkers in Week 13? Survey says yes, yes, the Cronies helped everyone out by slowing down the Slovaks this past weekend, both on the field and in the cyber world. The Mayors are looking strong to make some noise in the BDCS, and while the Slovaks may come in the back door – actually the only way they’re invited in – most Big Dance teams would relish a match-up with the Slovaks in Round One.

Nauts Edge Sleds (Not):

At press time, this one was too close to call, but the Bulletin called it anyway. With most of the influential and pivotal boxes reporting in, the Jugtown Juggernauts look to win the popular vote and a big vict’ry over the Fairfield PowerSleds in BDFL, Week 13 action. If a re-count is necessary you will be informed of the station to turn to in your area. EDITOR'S NOTE: PowerSleds came from behind to win on Monday Night Football. Bullet doesn't know everything, but continue to let him think he does. Thanks!

“It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr. BDFL, the regular season is over. Please check your email for Week 13 results (which should be sent out by Wednesday afternoon) and standings, seedings, and playoff brackets.