The BulleTEN - Week 10 - Wimp & Hatchet

Aight. You get it every year in the BulleTEN, and this year, in Week 10, you get the TOP TEN list of Molly Hatchet songs of all time. And, the good thing about the Big Daddy Football League, you don’t have to explain to anyone who Molly Hatchet is and the significance they have in the hist’ry of Southern Rock. Hatchet has four songs listed in most lists of the 100 Greatest Songs in Southern Rock. Those numbers appear below in parenthesis. The numbers at the far left are the way the BulleTEN ranks ‘em among Molly Hatchet songs. We only did eight to match the eight BDFL games this week.

1. (9) Flirtin’ With Disaster

Instead of working out with weights in the new GHS weight room in the early 1980s, Bullet Hand and his cohorts (Lep, Tony Schiffinella, Les Nichols, et. al.) would jam out and work up a sweat doing ‘air guitar’ to Hatchet’s Flirtin’ with Disaster. Well, as you can imagine, it didn’t help ’em get on the field on Friday Nights in Rocket Stadium. However, when Bullet got to college and Abercrombie Hall, he had one of the best ‘ice breakers’ ever in his spot-on rendition of Danny Joe Brown as the front man to Hatchet in the “bop, bop, bop, Yeah!” version of this Southern Classic. This obviously has nothing to do with the BDFL, where in Week Ten the Bullets met up with disaster in the form of the Southside Cheetahs, and El Bulleto picked up his third loss in a row, with this one being well over before any Monday Night shenanigans. “I’m out of money, out of hope, it looks like self destruction. How much more can we take with all of this corruption?”

2. (43) Bounty Hunter:

This one starts out, “My horse is kicking dust up off the trail. I’m just getting back from a trip to hell. Six-gun, she’s strapped by my side. Thunder, is the horse I ride!” Jammin’ Jaimie Hand has seen his share of Hatchet concerts. And, his knowledge of Dave Hlubek, Duane Roland, and Danny Joe Brown is right up there with the MTV “V-J’s” of the early 1980s. But, that didn’t really help him in Fantasy Football action in Week Ten of the NFL season. The Black Creek Bounty Hunters, er… Wooden Warriors lost badly to the Gulf Coast Gamblers down in Biloxi, Mississippi. But, it looks like there is a movement to change his franchise name to something more politically correct, and the Bounty Hunters is the the early leader in the back stage dressing rooms. And, it ends like this: “Outlaws on the loose, running, running, from the noose. I’m a Bounty Hunter. I’ll hunt you down.”

3. (63) Dreams (I’ll Never See):

“I always thought this song was awesome,” said Bullet, “but it was an Allman Brothers original song, and a Greg Allman song. So, I never mentioned it too highly because it wasn’t a Molly Hatchet original.” The band covered it and cranked it up and put it on their debut album. But, over the years it has picked up a lot of acclaim. Most of the Allman Brothers members, who have commented on the song, say that it is better than the bluesy, slow, original version they recorded. And, the Allman Brothers have 11 songs on the Top 100 List of Southern Rock Classics, but ‘Dreams’ is not on there. Hatchet’s version is on the list at number 63. So, now it’s okay, I guess, to put this version up where it belongs. When you’re finished listening to this version of the song, you will in a strange way feel that your dreams are still within reach. There’s just something about it. Continuing with the Hand Family and Cousin Adam, as press time (which was real, real early this week… the Commish was actually shutting out the Slovaks, 24-0. Rap that, ASlo!

4. (91) Gator County:

“Ol’ Richard Betts will tell you Lord, he was born a Ramblin’ Man. Well, he can ramble on back to Georgia, and I won’t give a #@$%.” Don’t sugar coat it Danny Joe Brown, tell us what you really think about Georgia. This one also janks on Alabama, Mississippi, and Tennessee… but, it’s strong and a virtual anthem in North Florida. “Many roads you travel, they all kinda look the same, there’s a gator in the bushes, Lord he’s calling my name. Yep.” The Pasco County Wizards are the only BDFL team in the Sunshine State, and Parks has been to his share of Hatchet concerts. He’s also familiar with Gators, after having his ribs rocked on an on-side kick in the mid 1980s, and his heart broken with Bookworm McGinty’s 50-yard field goal. So, this one’s for you, Merlin, as the Wizards lose to the Woosiers. “Chomp, Chomp!”

5. (N/A) Whiskey Man:

The BulleTEN has seen this one on some Southern Rock lists, but couldn’t confirm by press time. However, on Ultimate Classic Rock.com, it is listed as one of the Top Ten “whiskey rock songs” of all time. So, it’s got that going for it. K.P. musta been drinking something pretty strong this weekend in T-Town at the Mississippi State game. Rumor has it, he never even made it into Bryant Denny Stadium. He did make it to Kentuck Park on Sunday to drum the Druid City Blitz by a ton of points.

6. (N/A) Kinda Like Love:

“It’s kinda like love, but it’s not.” The Bulletin will admit that some of the more modern Hatchet songs drop off in style and substance. This song broke the mold of a Hatchet song, but was still somehow strong. Basically, with no air play the tune was set to fail and not make the charts, but it you listen to it, you just might find, it give you what you need. The Jugtown Juggernauts needed, and got, a big vict’ry in Week Ten over the Where Are They Now Wildcats. (Somebody will cover it one day – perhaps a Country artist – and, it’ll be a big hit).

7. (N/A) Bloody Reunion:

“All hell’s a poppin’, rockin’ to the morning light!” Nuff Said. This one had a little special meaning, and a little special cache when the band got back together after the first of their many break-ups, or small splits. The Power Sleds like it as much as they like blowing up the Sloth Monsters in Week Ten in BDFL action.

8. (N/A) Good Smoke and Whiskey:

In the good ol’ days, perhaps the real, good, old, old, days – you could get some good smoke and whiskey in Brookside or Birmingham. Even the Bulletin doesn’t remember those days, and neither do the Dogs or the Mayors, who played a forgettable BDFL game in Week Ten of the season. The Dogs lost to dull what has been a pretty good season for the Synaflex Super Banker. Meanwhile, the pencil pushers, er, Cronies will take any win they can get.

Honorable Mention:
-Jukin’ City

“I think I was about 17 when my pappy said to me, ‘Come on down with me son, gonna take you to Jukin’ City. You can stomp your feet around to a pickin’ county band. I’m gonna buy you all the Jack Black that you can surely stand.”

-Have Some Trust in Your Old Friend

“I can't remember how old I was, when Mama said to me, if it makes you happy, son, then be what you want to be.
Now, Lord, that my arms they're reaching for the sky. The people I thought were my friends are starting to wonder why. And I say, have some trust in your old friend, now, I'll be around if you need a helping hand.”

Photo Caption:

A framed pic at the Hard Rock Café in downtown, Atlanta, Ga. “Jammin’ with Danny Joe Brown.” It was a benefit concert that they are still talking about, held before DJB passed away due to kidney failure associated with diabetes he had, had since he was 19.

“It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr. BDFL, the younglings didn’t make the cut for the BulleTEN this week. So, check your email for scores, stats, standings, and schedules later in the week. And, download one of the above Hatchet tunes from above, you’ll be glad you did.