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Papa kicked to the curb. #

A Slovak Rant

“Yo yo. What’s up my people. Tired of beating up on all still. Sucking on that nipple. Slovaks are lucky not sucky looking for wins. Get my gin. Beat up my kin. Win, win, win. Three and one, son. Get it done. See you soon. Go Slovaks. Big ASlo, out!”

Rant Proceeds Win:

The Fighting Slovaks are on an unprecedented roll – at least for them. The Pi Cap Caravan is firing on all cylinders thus far in 2016. The “ASlo Train” is running rampant all over Eastern Europe, and here in the States, in parts of Brookside, Coalburg, and Oak Mountain. The EuroTrash Talkers are “blowing up” the Internet, Snap Chat, Instagram, Twitter, and dominating chat rooms all over Cyber Space. It’s the kind of fear that the Apple and Micro Soft experts had prior to Y2K. “Fear the Slovaks,” is real said one anonymous “Halt & Catch Fire,” expert on the condition that the source’s name not be revealed to the general public. Adam’s first round pick, PK-Janikowski/OAK, is leading the Slovaks to a huge surge. In Week 5, the Slovaks shot down the Gamblers, 35-26 to move to 4-1 on the season. Time to learn Slovak? maybe, it’s becoming a Slovak world.

#Commish Destroys Pixie Dusters for Homecoming:

The Homecoming Parade moved down University Blvd., and the Slee Stacks just outside the swanky, Presidential Neighborhood in T-Town. People came from miles around to see the sight. But, what appalled many in the crowd was the photograph – seen far and near in scrapbooks and 35mm film still shots – was Donald Hand, AKA Papa, being kicked to the curb. In the photo, D.K. can clearly be spotted “on the curb,” while his family revels in the fun of the parade and the pageantry of the day in Sunny Tuscaloosa. The Bulletin has begun a full investigation and no one is saying – at this point – that he didn’t deserve it in some way, but it is under “Further Review.” On BTW, which means “by the way,” the Commissioner killed the Wizards, 38-20, in Week Five action in the BDFL.

Clothed in Guilt – Woodies Fall to Sleds by One:

The most-likely culprit in the “kicking Papa to the curb” scenario is Jaimie P. Hand. He had motive and opportunity, and he’s sneaky. He was caught several time on Home-Curbing Saturday, sneaking in to both Papa and Bullet’s coolers. He’s in cahoots with a number of Fultondalians, who are constantly up to no good, and the Bulletin will not even dignify them in this publication, by even mentioning their names. At any rate, when Week Five of the BDFL rolled around, ol’ Bocephus was under so much guilt that his Black Creen Wooden Warriors could not perform correctly and they lost by one, 21-20, to the Fairfield Powersleds. Jack Slovensky celebrated with Adam Slovensky when the dealing was done.

Undefeated ‘Dillos Also in on the Deal:

Kurt Prewitt’s Duncanville Armadillos may be 5-0, and the only undefeated team remaining in the BDFL in mid-October, following a 43-29 drubbing of the Magic City Mayors in Week Five. However, upon review of the film from the 35 mm camera it appears it came from a book depository in Texas. The printed photographs have the prints of someone who is definitely from the Prewito Crime Syndicate with direct connections to LBJ. So, it looks as though K.P. will be laying low for the next several weeks until the “heat is off.”

Woo Crew Feeling the Heat:

Tommy T.’s strategy of “not” peaking too soon is working great. The Smoke Rise Woosiers lost again last weekend. This time around the Woo Crew was shot down by the Brookside Dogs, 35-22, in a game that was really never close. Mark Burr is off to a pretty good start in 2016, flying under the radar. Under the radar – that is – when he’s not taking a swanky charter flight to Texas or other parts unknown, seemingly all on the Synaflex dime. That’s being looking into too and a reported audit is coming from the “rank and file” rubber workers united partisans of Talladega County.

Nauts Cleared in Heavy Drama After Bombing the Blitz:

The only person “free and clear” of any implications in the heavily aforementioned “kicking Papa to the curb,” conundrum is apparently Ms. Edwards, esquire, from Leeds, Alabama. Yes, she has alibi-ed out. It was made clear that while A.E. was in T-Town on the day in question, she was in Northport or Kentuck Park at the time of the deed in question, beating the Druid City Blitz, 19-12. And, in a big advantage for the leader of the Juggernauts, she did not need to “lawyer up.”

Grand Dad Gets Win Over James Gang:

In a blow for all grandfathers everywhere, Butch Neal defeated the insurgents led by Jerry James and his so-called “James Gang” in a regular old-fashioned fantasy football game. The Southside Cheetahs ended up on top in their battle with the Where Are They Now Wildcats, 28-19. Now, ol’ Neal can change diapers and tell old war stories to his relatively new grandson, who has about the coolest name ever… wait for it… wait for it… now, wait a little longer for it for it is one of the coolest names ever: Brewer. That’s it, Brewer. RTR

Looks Like Mukes Owes Bullet Some More Backrent:

When the smoke cleared from around Silver Lakes on Sunday, there was shattered glass, rusty nails, chicken wing bones, and watermelon seeds scattered everywhere. It was evidence. It was evidence that something went down. When the CIS folks finished their preliminary investigations, all they could come up with was that something series occurred between the first NFL game of the week on Thursday night and the last one from Week Five on Monday night. It wasn’t pretty. The forensic folks then chipped in with their instant analysis. They determined that a meeting of some sort took place between the Sloth Monsters and the Benton Bullets, and that the Bullets left with the upper-Hand. The Bulletin has confirmed that in a regular season BDFL game for the ages, Bullet (the Son of D.K.) defeated Mukes (the Son of Slim) in relatively un-dramatic fashion, 35-16.

Prophecy Fulfilled:

After Mike Shula’s 1-3 run against the Arkansas Razorbacks, and after Lunney’s trapped pass, and the 12-men on the field, and the fluke of the universe OT losses to the Hogs, and the FayetteNAM experience under Mike Dubose and all the filthy, stinking luck of the Hogs for a time period over the Crimson Tide, Jerome “Bullet” Hand said, “If we ever beat these guys again, we’ll beat ‘em ten times in a row (to make up for all this crap).” Well, thanks to Mal Moore and Nick Saban & Bill Battle and Company the prophecy has been fulfilled. Thank you very little.

“It’s all about the kids,” Jr. BDFL Update:

Hey kids, sorry your stuff will have to come later, the “check is in the mail.” Look that one up in your spare time between NICK teen and video games, or just ask your Dad. He’ll know the answer to that one for sure.