“Easy, big fellow!” - A tribute to George Costanza as the marine biologist.

Dogs Bite Bullets in Benton:

“The sea was angry that day, my friend, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

The defiant Brookside Dogs are mad as heck, and they’re not going to take it anymore. Exactly what they’re mad about isn’t really clear at this point. However, it probably has something to do with their 21-year losing streak in the BDFL, and their lack of respect in the BDFL, and the fact that Allyson took most of the credit for Tent #36 on the Quad on Saturday in advance of the A&M game. At any rate, the Dogs took it out on Sunday against the Benton Bullets. The Former Super Banker moved down the Five Mile Creek as far as he could before arranging transportation to the Alabama River, and then on downstream to Benton, Alabama (Pop. 51). It was in Benton where the Dogs bit the Bullets to break Bullerino’s 3-game winning streak. Afterwards, Benton Town Councilman, Bullet, did his best impersonation of Pete Bird and gave Dog a tour of the town, which included a trip to the depot, the river, and a scenic walk by Old Man Kelsey’s creek.

George: “So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you Jerry, at that moment, I was a marine biologist!”

Sleds Slow Dillos:

All that bragging on the Quad on Saturday afternoon came back to bite the Duncanville Armadillos over the weekend, as they lost their first game of the season on Sunday. The Fairfield PowerSleds did the dirty work in Week Seven dumping the ‘Dillos in embarrassing fashion near the shadow of Denny Chimes. For some reason, the Mean Machine always does good work in the shadows.

Cheetahs Leave Quad Empty Handed, but Dump Warriors on Sunday:

Brewer’s grand-daddy (Butch Neal) was shocked to see his cooler empty just prior to kickoff on Saturday. He didn’t realize the effect of inviting so many Hand’s to the Quad and how catastrophic that could be to a cooler. (It was Bullet and a couple of friends, Jaimie and a couple of lovely deductions, Donald and Mary Ann plus at least two more, and a few select grand kids of Babo & Papa – they were lucky the quantities held out that long). Ol’ Neal remembered on Sunday and got even by letting his Cheetahs run wild against the Black Creek Wooden Warriors. It was a big win for the Sin Wagon, and got them back on track to a potential big season in the BDFL.

Slovaks Whip Woo Crew:

You couldn’t find Alabama graduates Adam and Tommy T. on Saturday. They claim they were not invited to Tent #36, under the shadow of Denny Chimes, on the Quad, at the Capstone. The Bulletin has received unsubstantiated reports that both teams were too busy with last minute preparations for their showdown on Sunday in the BDFL in Week Seven of the 2016 season. At any rate, the Slovaks rebounded from a Week 6 loss to throttle the Smoke Rise Woosiers up the near the old cotton fields back home, or in North Jefferson or South Blount County. At press time, the celebration was ongoing in Bratislava, Brookside, and in a small corner of Oak Mountain, and cyber space was blowing up with most data going straight into Junk Folders and not able to be retrieved and placed into the Bulletin.

Jerry: “This is Golden Boy.” (You’ll have to watch the ‘marine biologist’ episode to get this reference)

Jerry Wins as Wildcats Wallop Wizards in Whatever Bowl:

It what was termed by one BDFL insider as the Whatever Bowl, the Where Are They Now Wildcats topped the Pasco County Wizards by ten. At least that’s the score the Bulletin had – via WARTS – at its unprecedented early press time due to factors beyond the control of the Editorial Board at the Bulletin. Details of the game remain sketchy as Internet and Cellular communications are sometimes still difficult around Fair Park and Five Points West. Either that, or it could be the James Gang messing with everyone’s computers just for fun, in his parents basement, on a Saturday night. Parks – for his part – was pretty floored with the loss to the BioCats, and he planned to drown his sorrows at the original Hooters or at the Silverado Club or one of those places down from the Old Sombrero in Tampa down Hillsborough, or Testaverde Drive.

Nauts Knock Off the Real Deal:

A.E. was all smiles late Sunday evening after a successful visit to the Gulf Coast. She didn’t win at Blackjack, didn’t play craps, walked right past the Wheel of Fortune, and ignored the Slots. What she did was notch (her lipstick case, aka, Pat Benator) with a vict’ry over the Gamblers on their home turf in Biloxi, MS.

Sloths Hang on to Narrow Win Against the Blitz:

The Three Toed Tree Dwellers did it again. They hung onto another clutch win in the BDFL without the use of plausible thumbs, and with greasy fingers from eating Crowe’s Chicken, chicken fingers and wings. No other details were available to the Bulletin at its unprecedented early press time this week, so sort it out behind them.

Election Day always sends the Mayors into ‘anxiety overload,’ and this year is no exception. The Cronies had a conference with the Commissioner on Sunday, and a game, and it looks like they may have won both.

George: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

Kramer: Well, what did you do next?

George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me, but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.

George: [reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]

Kramer: What is that, a Titleist?

[George Nods]

Kramer: A hole in one, huh?

A marine biologist is someone who studies all types of sea creatures, and can choose to specialize in studying large ocean animals, all the way down to microscopic organisms. Everything from whales to the plankton they eat, and everything else in between, can be studied.

Attention Jr. BDFLers: Life is not fair. Learn it. Live it. No update for you in the Bulletin this week. You just didn’t deserve it. Well, maybe you did deserve it, but there are other factors at play that you can’t possibly fathom at your age. So, check your email later this week for any potential updates. Thank you very little.