The Bulletin - Week 14 - Cleveland Rocks

Fighting Slovaks Honor Heritage; Put Epic A.W. on Cuz:

With his Dad and beloved Aunt and Uncle and Cousin on a Pilgrimage to Cleveland, Ohio to visit the First Catholic Slovak Union National Brotherhood Headquarters, and the NFL Hall of Fame (on the way in Canton, Ohio), and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, and a couple of NBA Cavalier games, ASlo focused his attention on the BDFL in Week 14, and closed the regular season with an epic A.W. over the Black Creek Wooden Warriors, 40-6. “What’s the official definition of an A.W.?” Adam mocked in an email to the entire league to further embarrass Cousin Jaimie, who captured the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak,” in Week 14 of the BDFL season. Ol’ Hime Hand, himself, was distracted with his Uncle and beloved parents, and Uncle, and Brother on a Pilgrimage to Cleveland. So, to flip the script, ASlo will go into the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS) as the Champions of the lowly Green Horn Division, while Chief Kawliga will crawl into the consolation bracket known as the Big Mullet Series (BMS).

Null Setters Advance to Dance as Nauts Close Strong:

Maybe for the first time ever, four teams from the Null Set Club are IN the Big Dance. The Bulletin has chronicled (above) the Slovaks getting in, even though they did not finish with a Total Point score in the Top Eight. They only got in because they won a weak division. Meanwhile, you could say, the Jugtown Juggernauts got in the BDCS the old fashioned way – they earned it. A.E. soared to the Big Dance by over-achieving all season. In the last weekend of the regular season, the ‘Nauts were clearly not at their best. However, they still found a way to win, topping the woeful Wizards at Ed Bruce Field at Driver Stadium. All Parks cared about was finding his missing ‘82’ jersey from the old gymnasium trophy case, but all he could find was Jarvis’ number ’79.’ All of the ‘other’ members of the Green Horn Division will now have to live through an off-season, knowing they lost to the Fightin' Slovaks.

Dogs and ‘Dillos Dance After Week 14 Fracas:

After a low-scoring, sub-par performance in Week 14, two other Null Set Club members; the Brookside Dogs and the Duncanville Armadillos are ready for the Big Dance. The two teams obviously took it easy on the last weekend of the regular season in an effort NOT to get anyone hurt, and the outcome was a boring, 12-11 game, won by the ‘Dillos – although there were some discrepancies in WARTS. However, it is NOT the intention of this publication to ever criticize any of the other BDFL Officials or Entities, such as The Commissioner’s Office or WARTS. Here at the Bulletin, we only deal with the factors we can control and try to present a clear picture of what’s going on in the League, and provide information to all parties concerned. At any rate, Dog and K.P. are going for the Helmet O’ Silver, the Grand Daddy Trophy this post-season, and desperately trying to escape from the Null Set Club.

Woo Crew Peaks – Earns Spot in Playoffs:

In what little drama there was going into the final week of the regular season, the Smoke Rise Woosiers put it to rest by edging the Fairfield PowerSleds, 22-21, and capturing the final spot in the BDCS. The Mean Machine was close, but couldn’t close the deal and will have to remain Jack Slovensky for another year, and explain to his fans, and family how he let another opportunity slip away.

Grenadiers Lose – But Win:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers lost in Week 14 to the Gulf Coast Gamblers, 17-15. Yet, it is the former Gut Grenades that will enter the Big Dance, while the Real Deal will be doing his rolling along the Alabama Gulf Coast in the Big Mullet Series.

Blitz Win in A.W. Style – But Lose Big:

In the final weekend of the regular season, the Druid City Blitz lashed out. The former “Host with the Most” (before he was passed by Dog), crushed the Southside Cheetahs dishing out an A.W., 44-22. However, the Fritz Gritz Blitz was the only team in 2016 to fall victim to the dreaded Bullet Rule. In fact, after it was all added up (in WARTS and exposed by The Bulletin, then corrected in WARTS) the Druid City Blitz had a ton of points. They had enough points to be entered in the BDCS. But, what they didn’t have was a winning record. So, they’ll take their high point total down to the Big Mullet Series where they will be the Number One Seed. Meanwhile, the Cheetahs are going to the Big Dance after they recover from Week 14.

Mildcats Rally Past Mukes Thanks to Monday Night Magic:

Mukes benefitted from some Monday Night Magic earlier in the season, but the tables were turned on the Three Toed Tree Dwellers by the Where Are They Now Wildcats in Week 14. The final score put the James Gang ahead of the Son of Slim and both team will now re-group, get some oysters and ponies and head for the Big Mullet Series.

Mayors Maul Bullets:

The Benton Bullets roller coaster regular season ended with a thud as the Bullerino took an A.W. from the resurgent Magic City Mayors in a 40-10 blowout. This one was never close. The Bullets actually had a “slim and none” type chance to reach the Big Dance going into Week 14. However, all they got was a whipping from the Cronies and a one-way ticket to the Big Mullet Series. On the other side of the field, the Mayors will enter the BDCS on a high note and will be the third overall seed behind the Armadillos and the Cheetahs.

“It’s all about the kids.”

In the Jr. BDFL, in the first round of the playoffs is in the books (see below).

Round One:

The Selma Southpaws, who missed getting a first round “bye” by one point, came out swinging left jabs, left crosses, and left upper-cuts against the Fultondale Renegades. When the final bell echoed across the Edmund Pettus Bridge and the Alabama River in Selma, Matthew Hand had scored a knock-out (or A.W.) against cousin, Kevin Hand. In a sibling war, the Lowndes County Labs chalked up an A.W., as Milton Hand cruised past his sister, Meredith, and the Benton Butterflies, 54-28. Elsewhere in Round 1, Dalton Dismukes’ Hoover Triple Threats out-scored Ben Hand and the Fieldstown Dodo Birds, and the Defending Champion Rebel City Netters scorched the Hayden District Bishop Squad (HDBS), 47-24. In Round Two, the Top Four Seeds will battle these winners.

                                      BRACKET